It is almost Father's Day. My wife is asking what I want. I already got it!!!!
The last 2 weeks have seen my 4 grandsons returning to normalcy as well as our daughter! My wife is home this weekend with plans to come home at least two nights a week in the future. Her job of assistant mother / child counselor is showing great results! She is the finest mother / grandmother known to mankind.
Two weeks ago she came home during the week. She returned to find 4 boys glad to have her sleeping on the couch once more. They said as long as she was between the door and them, they could sleep without fear. Nothing had happened, and they knew one night without "Gam" could be had without anything happening. What a compliment to how they took seriously Gam's promise that as long as she was there nothing would happen to them or their mother.
Anyone foolish enough to mess with an old she bear protecting her progeny had better watch out! She is old and has lived her life. She is protective and as much as she cared for her own children, she is even more protective of them when grown with cubs. Never mess with an old she bear!!!
The process from November to the present has tried our nerves and deepened our souls. Like similar trials in the past, this adventure has not been pleasant, but it has affirmed our faith that good and dedicated people will ultimately win.
The boys are acting in a beautiful and normal way. They are no longer easily pursuaded that their mother is evil. When they return home from a visit with their father, they tell us in childlike honesty what went on.
Their Gam has told them they will get the truth from her and their mother, and then they can make up their own minds.
The emotional assaults on Sara do not end. She is getting calls and text messages asking why they can't get together again. Now she clearly states: "You wanted to kill me and my family the night we left. You had a chance to straighten things out and for 2 years you did nothing. It is too late for me to change my mind."
I'm proud of my women: Sara and Lonya. I'm equally proud of the boys and their new normalcy. I hope we move toward the future with good emotions and a determination to conquer whatever challenges life should bring.
No one knows, but we trust God to be our security.
Having been a professional counselor, I can appreciate the negative response shown to efforts at reconciliation. Any time violence or the threat of violence is involved in a relationship, a separation is almost always advisable. Few people are aware of what a terrible contradiction violence or the threat of violence is to the marriage vows of love, honor, and cherish.
ReplyDeleteYears ago a minister and his church out in the western part of NC encoraged a woman to return to her abusive husband with tragic results. The man murdered his wife. Aterwards he said, "We'll never do that again." As my wife remarked, "That is a litle bit late." When we have heard of spousal murders, she often says, "what ever happened to old-fashioned divorce?"
Those who make strict judgments of condemnation about divorce in such cases don't realize that they are sitting in judgment on God who actually presents Himself as divorcing Israel.He said, Jer.3:8, "for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce." Judging God is not swift, not wise, to say the least. Judging another person, when not all the facts are known is not wise either. God's forgivenness covers a multitutde of sin. It provides a new lease on life and service. David not only prayed for forgivenness; he asked for joy to be restored. There are new beginnings again with our Lord ad Savior.
讓人流連忘返,真期待新文章發表!.................................................................
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your wife even more, if she can be called an "old she bear" and appreciate the sentiment behind it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jim and Norman--
ReplyDeleteSince November, it has been a tough ride, but it is getting over. This November, per NC law, the required 1 year of separation is completed.
Sara gave 15 years to this abusive man, but when she could clearly see the negative effect of his child abuse and use of drugs, she made a wise decision.
She even gave him 2 years to stop using drugs and trusted his promises to get help when she confronted him. It was all empty, sad to say.
Now she is smiling again and has the realization she was not the "awful" wife and mother which her husband accused her of being.
The saddest thing in all this is that he could choose to be different. He is like a moth to a flame seeking the same kind of abuse he grew up knowing. His counseling has been surface and based on pills prescribed.
Even sadder, is that he really does not want help. Pray for him to someday find joy and peace which are missing in his life and that of his parents.