Stop Baptist Predators: Spending God's Money
The above link details some of the corruption with finances which has crept into the SBC and its churches.
We are having problems right now with finances and there is major restructuring going on = major positions are being vacated and early retirement is being given some 1/3 of the employees of the North American Mission Board (NAMB) located in Atlanta--actually "Affluent Alpharetta."
My father pioneered their work of Juvenile Rehabilitation in the late 50's. I served in the same capacity with the Juvenile Court of Wake County (Raleigh, NC) 1969-70. Dr. Claude Scarborough was the first Baptist Chaplain to the Fulton County (Atlanta) Juvenile Court. His work was an experiment which developed to a full-blown ministry in several states.
In that day the Home Mission Board was located downtown on Spring Street and near the Atlanta Airport via a 20-minute taxi ride. Now it is far from the street people of downtown Atlanta and the neighborhoods of poverty which were served "in serious ministry days" by Mission Centers of the HMB around the country.
Now, with its location in Alpharetta on a magnificent campus, it is 1.5 hours from the Airport. The remote location from public transportation (much of the work is division leadership traveling back and forth to missionaries) Dr. Bob Reccord found it important to have a private corporate jet on standby at the Charlie Brown private Airport some 20 minutes from Alpharetta. We won't talk about the big CP bucks involved in that "mission endeavor." It ended with his leaving, but is was only one of many excesses still haunting their budget.
Be sure to read the article along with the comments submitted about it. They speak volumes about how we got in this financial mess. It started in the 80's and has led to current problems we can't seem to solve without more major expenditures and getting rid of valuable employees who got there by proven success on the mission field first.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Sexual Confusion in a Confusing Age
This is one of the most cufusing times I have ever seen when it comes to sexuality!
I guess by not knowing GLB (Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual) and being from Atlanta, it shows I was raised a preacher's kid. In a few words above is an expose of how man wants to play with what God gave us and manipulate a body made female into one with broad shoulders and a telephone pole!
Such stuff is hardly the kind of conversation we have at the Bath Store!!
Years ago I was doing research in the Medical School Library at Emory. Having tired of the statistical research on psychosomatic illness, I picked up the "Anals of Plastic Surgery." In it was contained step-by-step procedures to alter the human body with case studies and pictures. Being 21, my research was immediately drawn to breast augmentation. A magic surgeon could take oversize ones and make them smaller. Through the magic of silicone, they could now take tiny ones and make them into basketballs. Most interesting!!!
They had to excise the nipple and place it into a nutrient bowl for a while. They would remove fatty tissue or borrow some from the butt and insert it pre-silicone. Put rulers and surgical markings on it so that when sewn back together with ever so fine micro-stitching the viewer could not detect it was man-made. HOWEVER, they had problems with that beautiful new boob having its nerves cut and never quite being as sensitive as it was before. There was also a problem that it could not now nourish a baby because the milk ducts had been cut as well! Complications could also occur where it could become hard or tissue did not heal properly and the downward cut became a valley instead of the rounded curves of the pre-surgical breast! God made it right, but man can't quite get the same result!
There was a segment on Androgyny as well. That is the situation where the baby has 3 chromosomes instead of 2. "It" is both male and female or female / male (so the ladies don't think I always put men first). This situation was a great mystery of which I had never heard. In fact, even medicine keeps it hush-hush. How do you tell a parent they have a he/she????
Did God mess things up in his creation of something odd? We must now rush to make a "gender assignment" because we can't have a male-female. According to the fundies, we are either male or female, but never both. Life must be just as the Bible describes and homosexuals are an "abomination." Sodom and Gomorra prove it! REALLY????
This single oddity of sexuality blows away a simple view that one is either male or female, but cannot make it both or "the opposite" of how I was born. "God made them male or female created He them!" In a way, it is the same as it saying: created in 6 days (24X6) hours / having 2 accounts of creation few want to admit / a cracker floating beneath the heavens and beneath it water off of which one will fall into nothingness.
If we grow up and face facts, we discover that "yam" translates "indefinite period of time" / earth revolves around the sun and is not the center the Bible depicts nor a cracker / the 2 accounts of creation are not identical = the Bible is a witness to "why things are as they are with the leap of faith that 'God did it!'"
The account of mankind eating fruit from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is another important one. Satan tempted Eve with the statement that "God is just fooling you and wanting to keep his special knowledge to himself---if you just eat, you will know what God knows!"
REALLY?????
When micro-biology and endocrinology are added to the picture, we discover that all humans have both estrogen and testosterone balancing one another in the system. All humans have both. Further, embryology show us step-by-step how the sperm and egg unite in a single cell. Depending on the X (male) and Y (female) chromosome combination (XX / YY / XY / YX) that chemical combination directs that cell to form a being where the genitals either become an indention for the female or an extrusion for a male. The same tissue with forms testicles producing sperm---form ovaries producing eggs. At one stage of fetus development there is a tail and gills which give us an evolutionary clue as to our origins--none of these mentioned in the Bible!
So here we are arguing about sexuality and whether homos are going to hell when we hardly understand God's creative process. What we know for sure is that religious people seldom can handle complexity nor can they admit God does things we don't understand. We would rather destroy a queer or gender-assign a new baby which is androgynous by the hand of the Creator. We have a hard time with things not simple as we think the Bible is.
Now, in Baptistland, NC, we have decided that a church ministering to homosexuals is not worthy of having its money accepted. In GA a female-pastored church must be excluded from fellowship because BF&M 2000 (Baptist Faith and Message = a creedal statement) states women must be submissive to men and are not worthy of ordination. Other denominations do it different, but the majority rules among Baptists---now taken over by the Fundamentalist Mindset. Something in this reminds me of "Planet of the Apes."
In current politics, the same seems to be the case = "Don't ask / don't tell." It is the next reason for Democrats to hate Republicans. It is just another diversion from the fact that non-enforcement of financial policies has led us to economic ruin. We are spending $10 for every $1 taken in with taxes. Every citizen has the right to plenty of food / work as they please / live in a fancy house with 2 cars / 2-5 TV's / go on exotic vacations paid by a credit card charging 18-23% interest / having the most exotic military destruction toys costing billions just to produce in Texas / etc.
Diversions are good. They keep us fighting which translates to billions spent on election campaigns producing a media-sensitive candidate who never tells us anything about his real position of taxation / honesty / service to his electorate / producing more laws so lawyers can fight and the judicial system can set OJ (and others like him) free to kill again!
This one thing I can safely conclude: We love being stupid / prejudiced / simple so we can bask in the sun on a desert isle and sip our beers in comfort without having to work.
Sound anything like the Garden of Eden from which we were cast for eating of the fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil???
I guess by not knowing GLB (Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual) and being from Atlanta, it shows I was raised a preacher's kid. In a few words above is an expose of how man wants to play with what God gave us and manipulate a body made female into one with broad shoulders and a telephone pole!
Such stuff is hardly the kind of conversation we have at the Bath Store!!
Years ago I was doing research in the Medical School Library at Emory. Having tired of the statistical research on psychosomatic illness, I picked up the "Anals of Plastic Surgery." In it was contained step-by-step procedures to alter the human body with case studies and pictures. Being 21, my research was immediately drawn to breast augmentation. A magic surgeon could take oversize ones and make them smaller. Through the magic of silicone, they could now take tiny ones and make them into basketballs. Most interesting!!!
They had to excise the nipple and place it into a nutrient bowl for a while. They would remove fatty tissue or borrow some from the butt and insert it pre-silicone. Put rulers and surgical markings on it so that when sewn back together with ever so fine micro-stitching the viewer could not detect it was man-made. HOWEVER, they had problems with that beautiful new boob having its nerves cut and never quite being as sensitive as it was before. There was also a problem that it could not now nourish a baby because the milk ducts had been cut as well! Complications could also occur where it could become hard or tissue did not heal properly and the downward cut became a valley instead of the rounded curves of the pre-surgical breast! God made it right, but man can't quite get the same result!
There was a segment on Androgyny as well. That is the situation where the baby has 3 chromosomes instead of 2. "It" is both male and female or female / male (so the ladies don't think I always put men first). This situation was a great mystery of which I had never heard. In fact, even medicine keeps it hush-hush. How do you tell a parent they have a he/she????
Did God mess things up in his creation of something odd? We must now rush to make a "gender assignment" because we can't have a male-female. According to the fundies, we are either male or female, but never both. Life must be just as the Bible describes and homosexuals are an "abomination." Sodom and Gomorra prove it! REALLY????
This single oddity of sexuality blows away a simple view that one is either male or female, but cannot make it both or "the opposite" of how I was born. "God made them male or female created He them!" In a way, it is the same as it saying: created in 6 days (24X6) hours / having 2 accounts of creation few want to admit / a cracker floating beneath the heavens and beneath it water off of which one will fall into nothingness.
If we grow up and face facts, we discover that "yam" translates "indefinite period of time" / earth revolves around the sun and is not the center the Bible depicts nor a cracker / the 2 accounts of creation are not identical = the Bible is a witness to "why things are as they are with the leap of faith that 'God did it!'"
The account of mankind eating fruit from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is another important one. Satan tempted Eve with the statement that "God is just fooling you and wanting to keep his special knowledge to himself---if you just eat, you will know what God knows!"
REALLY?????
When micro-biology and endocrinology are added to the picture, we discover that all humans have both estrogen and testosterone balancing one another in the system. All humans have both. Further, embryology show us step-by-step how the sperm and egg unite in a single cell. Depending on the X (male) and Y (female) chromosome combination (XX / YY / XY / YX) that chemical combination directs that cell to form a being where the genitals either become an indention for the female or an extrusion for a male. The same tissue with forms testicles producing sperm---form ovaries producing eggs. At one stage of fetus development there is a tail and gills which give us an evolutionary clue as to our origins--none of these mentioned in the Bible!
So here we are arguing about sexuality and whether homos are going to hell when we hardly understand God's creative process. What we know for sure is that religious people seldom can handle complexity nor can they admit God does things we don't understand. We would rather destroy a queer or gender-assign a new baby which is androgynous by the hand of the Creator. We have a hard time with things not simple as we think the Bible is.
Now, in Baptistland, NC, we have decided that a church ministering to homosexuals is not worthy of having its money accepted. In GA a female-pastored church must be excluded from fellowship because BF&M 2000 (Baptist Faith and Message = a creedal statement) states women must be submissive to men and are not worthy of ordination. Other denominations do it different, but the majority rules among Baptists---now taken over by the Fundamentalist Mindset. Something in this reminds me of "Planet of the Apes."
In current politics, the same seems to be the case = "Don't ask / don't tell." It is the next reason for Democrats to hate Republicans. It is just another diversion from the fact that non-enforcement of financial policies has led us to economic ruin. We are spending $10 for every $1 taken in with taxes. Every citizen has the right to plenty of food / work as they please / live in a fancy house with 2 cars / 2-5 TV's / go on exotic vacations paid by a credit card charging 18-23% interest / having the most exotic military destruction toys costing billions just to produce in Texas / etc.
Diversions are good. They keep us fighting which translates to billions spent on election campaigns producing a media-sensitive candidate who never tells us anything about his real position of taxation / honesty / service to his electorate / producing more laws so lawyers can fight and the judicial system can set OJ (and others like him) free to kill again!
This one thing I can safely conclude: We love being stupid / prejudiced / simple so we can bask in the sun on a desert isle and sip our beers in comfort without having to work.
Sound anything like the Garden of Eden from which we were cast for eating of the fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil???
Monday, July 26, 2010
Small Business -- Help at Last!!!!!
If you have been reading from my early blogs, they dealt with the problems I am suffering from this bad economy and trying to run a Tree Surgery business: Affordable / Professional Tree Surgeons.
AT LAST---I am getting help!
Did you know that some 2 years ago the IRS put in a new tax break for large corporations? They did!!!!
What is it?
A large corporation which establishes a Foundation whose funds are available to struggling small businesses gets a break!
Small businesses, like mine, which are suffering a 30-70% reduction in earnings over the last 3 years can apply for help. I applied for $50,000-$1,000,000 in relief. Last week, I got a grant for $50,000+!!!! It will be coming to me in 30-45 business days.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did I get it?
I was contacted by phone as a cold call some 3 months ago. The outfit is named Turnaround Business Group, Inc. They are located in Henderson, NV, about 50 miles from Las Vegas. They said they served as the liason between small businesses and Foundations waiting to fund them.
For a fee of about 1.8% of $50,000, they serve to get together your request / represent you to the corporation / get the funds you need. Their original financial cost for services provided is $2,999.00. Send the money and they start their work with a promise that nothing further is needed until they secure, at least, half of the funds requested. At that point an additional $4,790 is needed to pay for the Sears-Roebuck size catalogue of paperwork / legal details / web site with the promise of money delivery within 30-45 days. You can repay your initial costs out of those funds.
Now you are saying, "This sounds like a scam since money is required up front!" NO!!!!!!!!
First, they provided me with contact information for the Attorney General's Office in the state of Nevada, should I wish to check them out. I was also encouraged to contact the local Chamber of Commerce and Better Business Bureau. I did! They are real and have no complaints against them.
When I could not come up with the entire $2,999.00, they were willing to accept the $2,500 I could borrow to start the process. Needless to say, when you have been operating at 30% of earnings for 3 solid years / lost your home to foreclosure / had your water and electricity turned off several times during this Depression--er, Recession--as long as you listen to government pontificaters!
It was a real struggle to find that initial money, but a kind Baptist friend who owns a finance company was willing to take the risk--as long as I secured the loan with my truck and an expensive Chipping Machine. My family had been "loaned out" trying to help me keep my house 3 years ago. This is the reality for far too many of us small business owners since our economy took a "slight" nosedive under the Bush Administration's fine regulatory practices. I say this in jest, of course!!!
I was convinced of their legitimacy the second they offered to take less than the stated fee. In addition, in the course of conversation via phone, I discovered these people have religious convictions--and it is real rather than another "come on" using religion to fake you out!
Within the stated 90-180 days they produced!!!!
Now I am finishing questionares to formulate a small part of the Sears catalogue of documents.
Here is how this Grant works:
(1) I am required to set up a non-interest-bearing checking account into which the funds go.
(2) I must make a 6-month report to the Foundation which includes copies front and back of all checks issued to fulfill my request.
(3) The Grant comes with an IRS tracking number, lest I run afoul of the taxman. It is non-taxable as long as it is spent to secure my business.
The rationale for helping small businesses to compete again:
(1) I hire and secure employees whose families get income so they can, again, support the general economy and pay their taxes.
(2) I buy equipment so the providers of such have an income. For example, Bobcat of Wilson is struggling with reduced sales and repairs. I still owe them $1,000 for repair of my A-300 machine last year. My income is such that I can't pay it. Now I can---and I am ordering a new machine with trailer to carry it! They are getting much more happy with this struggling customer! I am tired of transporting my maching with overdrive kicked out for 2 hours to service my customers in my local Beaufort County home/office.
(3) I repay accumulated debt which amounts to some $120,000. They are happy!
(4) I am able to build/lease property to house my business. Construction and Real Estate people are happy!
(5) I am able to have several billboards to fill the many which are vacant these days. The billboard/advertising people are happy!
(6) I can now bring quality tree care to people who don't yet know me. They will be happy they met me and get quality work at affordable prices!
(7) I can buy a tractor-trailer rig to get to Hufficane/Storm relief needs. They will be happy to not have a gouging contractor in place to help them recover!
I hope, by now, you see the first wisdom I have seen in this whole economic mess. At last, someone is helping small business get back on its feet! My earliest blogs were about my attempts to get federal help through my 2 NC Congressional Representative---not a single thing came my way except more of "we must help Corporate America and the Banking Industry.
Folks--Trickle Down Economics doesn't work!!! If you haven't figured that one out yet, ask a question: "If we own 61% of GM as taxpayers, why aren't all their products 61% cheaper to the taxpayers whose money was used to bail them out???"
Don't you think if the above were true, we would be buying GM products right and left so they could put their assemblyline workers back to work--plus the sub-assembly companies providing goods to that line? Check out the economy of Michigan to see if anything happened---other than Corporate Executives getting bonuses I could run my small business on for the next 5 years! IT HAS NOT HAPPENED.
The same is true of the Financial Industry: Has anyone who lost some 45% of their investment value been restored? Have any of the lying/cheating pencil pushing/creative accounting thieves gone to the Federal Pen over their clearly unlawful securities practices?
I have a Series 6 Securities Liscense and know whereof I speak. You are fingerprinted upon getting it, and the laws/guildelines are clear: "Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" to anyone trusting you with money management. It's just that simple, or "Go To Jail-do not pass GO" as the Monopoly game card reads!
So here is my truthful story and my encouragement that you do something besides moan and groan about "how bad things are!" You have to have a little faith and trust in an environment where "if it is too good to be true--it probably isn't." We are being totally put into a prison of doubt by illegal practices which don't seem to get punished or controlled.
If you have some controlled trust and check things out so any doubts are alayed, you might find some help. I am sure there are some schemers out there. I get emails every day from folks promising Federal Grants/education/etc.
I don't respond because I don't want all the red tape attached to Government Grants. This, however, is a Private Foundation trying to get money into responsible hands. It has some IRS controls, but I am sure there will be illegitimte grantees trying to scam the system assuming "Wall Street and Detroit got away with it and so will I." Worse becomes even worse if we give up on the promise of the Free Enterprise System, properly competing, to give hard-working people in small business a chance to succeed or fail---according to their wisdom and hard work.
Where would you rather invest---Corporate America, where books are cooked and accounting has become more than creative / where long-term experienced personnl get the age 55 "golden parachute", OR your own business which provides good services at a reasonable price????
The ball is in your court now!
AT LAST---I am getting help!
Did you know that some 2 years ago the IRS put in a new tax break for large corporations? They did!!!!
What is it?
A large corporation which establishes a Foundation whose funds are available to struggling small businesses gets a break!
Small businesses, like mine, which are suffering a 30-70% reduction in earnings over the last 3 years can apply for help. I applied for $50,000-$1,000,000 in relief. Last week, I got a grant for $50,000+!!!! It will be coming to me in 30-45 business days.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did I get it?
I was contacted by phone as a cold call some 3 months ago. The outfit is named Turnaround Business Group, Inc. They are located in Henderson, NV, about 50 miles from Las Vegas. They said they served as the liason between small businesses and Foundations waiting to fund them.
For a fee of about 1.8% of $50,000, they serve to get together your request / represent you to the corporation / get the funds you need. Their original financial cost for services provided is $2,999.00. Send the money and they start their work with a promise that nothing further is needed until they secure, at least, half of the funds requested. At that point an additional $4,790 is needed to pay for the Sears-Roebuck size catalogue of paperwork / legal details / web site with the promise of money delivery within 30-45 days. You can repay your initial costs out of those funds.
Now you are saying, "This sounds like a scam since money is required up front!" NO!!!!!!!!
First, they provided me with contact information for the Attorney General's Office in the state of Nevada, should I wish to check them out. I was also encouraged to contact the local Chamber of Commerce and Better Business Bureau. I did! They are real and have no complaints against them.
When I could not come up with the entire $2,999.00, they were willing to accept the $2,500 I could borrow to start the process. Needless to say, when you have been operating at 30% of earnings for 3 solid years / lost your home to foreclosure / had your water and electricity turned off several times during this Depression--er, Recession--as long as you listen to government pontificaters!
It was a real struggle to find that initial money, but a kind Baptist friend who owns a finance company was willing to take the risk--as long as I secured the loan with my truck and an expensive Chipping Machine. My family had been "loaned out" trying to help me keep my house 3 years ago. This is the reality for far too many of us small business owners since our economy took a "slight" nosedive under the Bush Administration's fine regulatory practices. I say this in jest, of course!!!
I was convinced of their legitimacy the second they offered to take less than the stated fee. In addition, in the course of conversation via phone, I discovered these people have religious convictions--and it is real rather than another "come on" using religion to fake you out!
Within the stated 90-180 days they produced!!!!
Now I am finishing questionares to formulate a small part of the Sears catalogue of documents.
Here is how this Grant works:
(1) I am required to set up a non-interest-bearing checking account into which the funds go.
(2) I must make a 6-month report to the Foundation which includes copies front and back of all checks issued to fulfill my request.
(3) The Grant comes with an IRS tracking number, lest I run afoul of the taxman. It is non-taxable as long as it is spent to secure my business.
The rationale for helping small businesses to compete again:
(1) I hire and secure employees whose families get income so they can, again, support the general economy and pay their taxes.
(2) I buy equipment so the providers of such have an income. For example, Bobcat of Wilson is struggling with reduced sales and repairs. I still owe them $1,000 for repair of my A-300 machine last year. My income is such that I can't pay it. Now I can---and I am ordering a new machine with trailer to carry it! They are getting much more happy with this struggling customer! I am tired of transporting my maching with overdrive kicked out for 2 hours to service my customers in my local Beaufort County home/office.
(3) I repay accumulated debt which amounts to some $120,000. They are happy!
(4) I am able to build/lease property to house my business. Construction and Real Estate people are happy!
(5) I am able to have several billboards to fill the many which are vacant these days. The billboard/advertising people are happy!
(6) I can now bring quality tree care to people who don't yet know me. They will be happy they met me and get quality work at affordable prices!
(7) I can buy a tractor-trailer rig to get to Hufficane/Storm relief needs. They will be happy to not have a gouging contractor in place to help them recover!
I hope, by now, you see the first wisdom I have seen in this whole economic mess. At last, someone is helping small business get back on its feet! My earliest blogs were about my attempts to get federal help through my 2 NC Congressional Representative---not a single thing came my way except more of "we must help Corporate America and the Banking Industry.
Folks--Trickle Down Economics doesn't work!!! If you haven't figured that one out yet, ask a question: "If we own 61% of GM as taxpayers, why aren't all their products 61% cheaper to the taxpayers whose money was used to bail them out???"
Don't you think if the above were true, we would be buying GM products right and left so they could put their assemblyline workers back to work--plus the sub-assembly companies providing goods to that line? Check out the economy of Michigan to see if anything happened---other than Corporate Executives getting bonuses I could run my small business on for the next 5 years! IT HAS NOT HAPPENED.
The same is true of the Financial Industry: Has anyone who lost some 45% of their investment value been restored? Have any of the lying/cheating pencil pushing/creative accounting thieves gone to the Federal Pen over their clearly unlawful securities practices?
I have a Series 6 Securities Liscense and know whereof I speak. You are fingerprinted upon getting it, and the laws/guildelines are clear: "Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" to anyone trusting you with money management. It's just that simple, or "Go To Jail-do not pass GO" as the Monopoly game card reads!
So here is my truthful story and my encouragement that you do something besides moan and groan about "how bad things are!" You have to have a little faith and trust in an environment where "if it is too good to be true--it probably isn't." We are being totally put into a prison of doubt by illegal practices which don't seem to get punished or controlled.
If you have some controlled trust and check things out so any doubts are alayed, you might find some help. I am sure there are some schemers out there. I get emails every day from folks promising Federal Grants/education/etc.
I don't respond because I don't want all the red tape attached to Government Grants. This, however, is a Private Foundation trying to get money into responsible hands. It has some IRS controls, but I am sure there will be illegitimte grantees trying to scam the system assuming "Wall Street and Detroit got away with it and so will I." Worse becomes even worse if we give up on the promise of the Free Enterprise System, properly competing, to give hard-working people in small business a chance to succeed or fail---according to their wisdom and hard work.
Where would you rather invest---Corporate America, where books are cooked and accounting has become more than creative / where long-term experienced personnl get the age 55 "golden parachute", OR your own business which provides good services at a reasonable price????
The ball is in your court now!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
July--Celebrate Freedom, Sara!!!!
Our daughter and grandsons spent the week after July 4 with us at the river. It was the perfect time to look at them in detail and to take stock of where they are emotionally.
In sum: It is good!!!!!
Each of the boys is showing significant progress since November. They fuss and fight far less. There are times which all competitive children have. TC vs. Jack is a 12-year-old living in the same room as a 7-year-old. Jack wants to do everything TC does, but can't. TC enjoys getting him into a video game he can't handle and then blasting him to oblivion!
That normally generates a tirade of screams and tantrums, but not much this week!!! They played in their bedroom and went outside to learn new swimming and jumping tricks in the river.
We decided to back off on supervision and see what naturally came. Where they used to last 2-3 days until total boredom set in, they were in grief as the week ended. They didn't want to go home. We did not take them on any great sight-seeing trips this time. All the local places of interest have already been seen. They basically lived in a home environment displaced to the river.
They were in and out of the house. In the mornings, while it was still reasonably cool, there was yard running and pier jumping. None of them cares for fishing right now, but the fishing out in front of the cottage is minimal. Little bait-stealing croakers just make corks wiggle and bait disappear--to the despair of even an experienced fisherman.
When they got hot or tired they came into the house to play video games, color, or play with action figures. Amazingly, where last year they could care less they were in the walk way with toys, they kept things tidy. They did not sulk when you asked them to play away from tight walking areas. Their respect for others is growing as they learn they are respected by Momma, Gam, and Pa Pa. We tell them our expectations. We are consistent and use a swat of the behind when we are totally ignored. There was little or no screaming from boys or parents. What a joy!!!
The twins are now 5 and most interesting. Dillyn is his joyful and adventurous self. He learned to float, do handstands and flips in the water. He loves to climb the highest structure and jump with glee into the water.
Gavyn, the quiet one, has suddenly waked up. He is first out of bed. He wants to hang beside me and chatter-chatter-chatter with questions and observations. Instead of hanging back to a fault, he can now be encouraged to be a little adventurous.
One of the funniest scenes was Sara and Lonya sunning themselves and missing Gavyn. Instead of having a panic attack, they start searching for the little boy walking around with a tube around his middle. There he was--walking under the pier from the deck in waist deep water to the shore and back again. He had a smile instead of the usual scowl. He is holding back--not wanting to make a mistake--but he is engaging in delightful discussions of how he sees the world through 5-year-old eyes. Some of his "stuff" makes you roll on the floor in laughter. He is a riot!
Meanwhile back at home: Thomas is continuing his stalking mode. The weekend after Sara's return was his for the boys. His mother told the boys their father wasn't feeling well and to stay out of his closed door room. Through those hours he was texting Sara asking, "Why can't we get back together" / "I love you" / "I know what you look like naked" / etc.
It is a combination of "pity me" and verbal abuse. He has supposedly been to counseling. His company, according to him, sent him to Washington, DC, for some sort of anger management course. All of this "counseling" never results in change for more than a few days. In fact, there have been so many lies told that we can't be sure there has been any counseling at all. He claims to be taking medication--who knows. When I wrote the last sentence I spelled it "madication!" This is more accurate!
As my wife and daughter sat on the porch at her house during the evening, he pulled up in the company car. She went out to his blubbering, "Don't you love me?" / "NO!" "Can't we get back together?" / "We tried that and you never kept any promises--NO!". He ripped off with the squall of tires.
She has made up her mind to move away for peace and quiet. We think that would be wise. Every time he calls / texts / comes by it takes another bite into Sara's behind which is about chewed up. All he is doing is to drive her further away into anger. She has already told her boys she won't be coming to any birthday party at the other grandparents. When asked, "Why?," she calmly told them, "I have been called all kinds of ugly names and words so I don't care to ever see them again." The boys understood and never asked again.
The saddest part of all this is he could choose to do better and, with the help of intensive counseling, become the kind of person hiding behind the bully on the playground. However, with his parents serving as his cheering squad, there is absolutely no motivation from the source of his torment. It seems to be their way of proving to themselves that they were good parents. Just keep him like he is and blame his spouse for everything.
The real crazy thing about this is multiple times my daughter poured her heart out to his mother over how he needed help. She totally agreed / encouraged our daughter to tell her more / indicated perhaps they could help him together---TOTAL LIE!!!
It is a foregone conclusion at this point that the relationship is over. He is starting to make noises that he really doesn't want the boys and they are a lot of trouble to his parents. He threatens not to sign the divorce papers in November, but a check of NC law indicated that is not necessary since he signed the Separation Papers and Child Support agreements. He has made the agreements which cannot be changed without Sara's consent.
Meanwhile, we are restoring the abused house to a saleable condition. It will go on the market in a few weeks. Sara owns it outright as part of the Separation Agreement.
Pray that more peace may come into their lives. Pray that the sale will come quickly so she can get away from the car riding by and boys coming home with a fresh case of "potty mouth" every time they visit him and his parents. AND---pray for this tormented man who can't find the courage to get away from his tormenting parents and seek a quiet place of joy and peace. At this point he has nothing but agony and anguish which he continues to bring on himself! His threat as he screeched away was, "I'll just kill myself!" We don't think he has the courage to do it--just one more empty threat.
It's so gratifying to see our daughter and grandsons improve each week so that is our source of rejoicing in how God helps those who want to be helped.
Oh, by the way, Lonya is coming back home 2 nights a week and weekends. We are recovering our relationship strained by the agony and needs of our child and her boys. As Sara's genuine smile returns, I find her to be a beautiful as her mother.
Family never leaves you. You rejoice in the good times and bring comfort in the bad. No matter what, some sacrifice is involved---BUT IT IS WORTH EVERY DROP OF BLOOD SHED FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE!
In sum: It is good!!!!!
Each of the boys is showing significant progress since November. They fuss and fight far less. There are times which all competitive children have. TC vs. Jack is a 12-year-old living in the same room as a 7-year-old. Jack wants to do everything TC does, but can't. TC enjoys getting him into a video game he can't handle and then blasting him to oblivion!
That normally generates a tirade of screams and tantrums, but not much this week!!! They played in their bedroom and went outside to learn new swimming and jumping tricks in the river.
We decided to back off on supervision and see what naturally came. Where they used to last 2-3 days until total boredom set in, they were in grief as the week ended. They didn't want to go home. We did not take them on any great sight-seeing trips this time. All the local places of interest have already been seen. They basically lived in a home environment displaced to the river.
They were in and out of the house. In the mornings, while it was still reasonably cool, there was yard running and pier jumping. None of them cares for fishing right now, but the fishing out in front of the cottage is minimal. Little bait-stealing croakers just make corks wiggle and bait disappear--to the despair of even an experienced fisherman.
When they got hot or tired they came into the house to play video games, color, or play with action figures. Amazingly, where last year they could care less they were in the walk way with toys, they kept things tidy. They did not sulk when you asked them to play away from tight walking areas. Their respect for others is growing as they learn they are respected by Momma, Gam, and Pa Pa. We tell them our expectations. We are consistent and use a swat of the behind when we are totally ignored. There was little or no screaming from boys or parents. What a joy!!!
The twins are now 5 and most interesting. Dillyn is his joyful and adventurous self. He learned to float, do handstands and flips in the water. He loves to climb the highest structure and jump with glee into the water.
Gavyn, the quiet one, has suddenly waked up. He is first out of bed. He wants to hang beside me and chatter-chatter-chatter with questions and observations. Instead of hanging back to a fault, he can now be encouraged to be a little adventurous.
One of the funniest scenes was Sara and Lonya sunning themselves and missing Gavyn. Instead of having a panic attack, they start searching for the little boy walking around with a tube around his middle. There he was--walking under the pier from the deck in waist deep water to the shore and back again. He had a smile instead of the usual scowl. He is holding back--not wanting to make a mistake--but he is engaging in delightful discussions of how he sees the world through 5-year-old eyes. Some of his "stuff" makes you roll on the floor in laughter. He is a riot!
Meanwhile back at home: Thomas is continuing his stalking mode. The weekend after Sara's return was his for the boys. His mother told the boys their father wasn't feeling well and to stay out of his closed door room. Through those hours he was texting Sara asking, "Why can't we get back together" / "I love you" / "I know what you look like naked" / etc.
It is a combination of "pity me" and verbal abuse. He has supposedly been to counseling. His company, according to him, sent him to Washington, DC, for some sort of anger management course. All of this "counseling" never results in change for more than a few days. In fact, there have been so many lies told that we can't be sure there has been any counseling at all. He claims to be taking medication--who knows. When I wrote the last sentence I spelled it "madication!" This is more accurate!
As my wife and daughter sat on the porch at her house during the evening, he pulled up in the company car. She went out to his blubbering, "Don't you love me?" / "NO!" "Can't we get back together?" / "We tried that and you never kept any promises--NO!". He ripped off with the squall of tires.
She has made up her mind to move away for peace and quiet. We think that would be wise. Every time he calls / texts / comes by it takes another bite into Sara's behind which is about chewed up. All he is doing is to drive her further away into anger. She has already told her boys she won't be coming to any birthday party at the other grandparents. When asked, "Why?," she calmly told them, "I have been called all kinds of ugly names and words so I don't care to ever see them again." The boys understood and never asked again.
The saddest part of all this is he could choose to do better and, with the help of intensive counseling, become the kind of person hiding behind the bully on the playground. However, with his parents serving as his cheering squad, there is absolutely no motivation from the source of his torment. It seems to be their way of proving to themselves that they were good parents. Just keep him like he is and blame his spouse for everything.
The real crazy thing about this is multiple times my daughter poured her heart out to his mother over how he needed help. She totally agreed / encouraged our daughter to tell her more / indicated perhaps they could help him together---TOTAL LIE!!!
It is a foregone conclusion at this point that the relationship is over. He is starting to make noises that he really doesn't want the boys and they are a lot of trouble to his parents. He threatens not to sign the divorce papers in November, but a check of NC law indicated that is not necessary since he signed the Separation Papers and Child Support agreements. He has made the agreements which cannot be changed without Sara's consent.
Meanwhile, we are restoring the abused house to a saleable condition. It will go on the market in a few weeks. Sara owns it outright as part of the Separation Agreement.
Pray that more peace may come into their lives. Pray that the sale will come quickly so she can get away from the car riding by and boys coming home with a fresh case of "potty mouth" every time they visit him and his parents. AND---pray for this tormented man who can't find the courage to get away from his tormenting parents and seek a quiet place of joy and peace. At this point he has nothing but agony and anguish which he continues to bring on himself! His threat as he screeched away was, "I'll just kill myself!" We don't think he has the courage to do it--just one more empty threat.
It's so gratifying to see our daughter and grandsons improve each week so that is our source of rejoicing in how God helps those who want to be helped.
Oh, by the way, Lonya is coming back home 2 nights a week and weekends. We are recovering our relationship strained by the agony and needs of our child and her boys. As Sara's genuine smile returns, I find her to be a beautiful as her mother.
Family never leaves you. You rejoice in the good times and bring comfort in the bad. No matter what, some sacrifice is involved---BUT IT IS WORTH EVERY DROP OF BLOOD SHED FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Father's Day Tribute to My Father
Those of us who are Preacher's Kids are most blessed when daddy lives the other 6 days of the week the things he preached on Sunday.
My father, now gone to Higher Ground, stood a step above many of his contemporaries. He saw fraud and pretense and told me about it. Therefore, I am sensitive to it.
My dad grew up on a tenant farm outside Athens, GA. He got his call to preach plowing behind a mule during the Depression. Despite the church ladies at the Moon's Grove Baptist Church telling him an education would ruin him, he hitch-hiked to Mercer--arriving with .10 in his pocket.
He was told by the President that a man with no funds other than .10 could not metriculate. He broke down and cried.
The President had mercy on him and gave him the name of a family who loaned money to worthy students. In addition, he got a job peeling potatoes in the Cafeteria plus cutting hair for students. He made it!
Then he went to Andover-Newton, which had a reputation for being one of the finest Seminaries in the country. Again, he made it through hard work paying his own way.
Now, comes the wrinkle: He felt called to return South where he met all kinds of subjective criticism. He had the education and preaching skills for a First Baptist Church, but he was still single and did not have the Southern Seminary Professors pulling for him.
They would simply say, "Can you trust a man who is from Andover-Newton rather than Southern?"
He had to take a job teaching school and a part time church in Pendleton, SC. Finally he married a Carver School of Missions graduate and that opened some doors. He was "safely" married. He went to the Liberty, SC, FBC where I was born. From there he went to Tryon, NC, FBC, but got pressure to leave because he ministered to everyone--even a woman dying from a botched abortion at a "Road House" outside town.
After a short time as Associate Pastor in Spartanburg, SC, he was called to the Clarkston, GA, FBC at a time of potential growth. They had built a new sanctuary and the population was exploding. He worked hard and stimulated a doubling of the congregation---BUT he was in conflict with the Town Mayor (a lawyer) / Deacon Chairman / Church Treasurer who was playing games with the Building Fund by not paying the steel bill! He had a lawsuit against the company.
Daddy told this man, "You must pay the bill by Friday or I will resign Sunday and explain in clear terms why I am doing it." It took 4 years, but they finally got him in one of the most ugly and lying scenes ever imaginable.
That was OK. He refused to hate! He started a new mission church in an unchurched area--and also became the first HMB Chaplain to the Fulton County Juvenile Court. That church started in our living room, moved to a rental house, and finally built a building after about 2 years. In addition, he was the Associate DOM for the Atlanta Baptist Association.
When he should have become the next Director of Missions, a powerful Editor of the Christian Index opposed him because he was not a "yes man" to him. To move up required a "political correctness." Still he ministered as best he could and had the undying respect of many of the Atlanta Pastors. Again, he refused to hate and did not give up when the new DOM put terrible pressure to get rid of him.
Here is what I learned:
(1) Those who have integrity sometimes are doomed to public failure.
(2) Those who maintain their integrity are provided by God with a place of service where it counts.
(3) Refusing to hate and leaving vengence to God, saves one from bitterness or ultimate defeat.
(4) Most of the early Saints, as well as Jesus, paid an ultimate price for telling the truth.
(5) Few preachers are willing to stand with integrity when their political future and retirement plans could be part of the sacrifice.
(6) Robert Frost was right when he advocated "The Road Less Taken."
I rejoice in the man of integrity who was my father. He stood in front of a hostile crowd many times at the GBC and in his church to advocate for honesty and a Christlike approach to those the majority wanted to crucify.
He is the most like Christ of any man I have ever known. Even in failure, he maintained his integrity. He refused to participate in ugly politics just to be "successful."
It's too bad men like him are few and far between, but I shall meet him one day in the Land Above for I know he walks with God!!!
My father, now gone to Higher Ground, stood a step above many of his contemporaries. He saw fraud and pretense and told me about it. Therefore, I am sensitive to it.
My dad grew up on a tenant farm outside Athens, GA. He got his call to preach plowing behind a mule during the Depression. Despite the church ladies at the Moon's Grove Baptist Church telling him an education would ruin him, he hitch-hiked to Mercer--arriving with .10 in his pocket.
He was told by the President that a man with no funds other than .10 could not metriculate. He broke down and cried.
The President had mercy on him and gave him the name of a family who loaned money to worthy students. In addition, he got a job peeling potatoes in the Cafeteria plus cutting hair for students. He made it!
Then he went to Andover-Newton, which had a reputation for being one of the finest Seminaries in the country. Again, he made it through hard work paying his own way.
Now, comes the wrinkle: He felt called to return South where he met all kinds of subjective criticism. He had the education and preaching skills for a First Baptist Church, but he was still single and did not have the Southern Seminary Professors pulling for him.
They would simply say, "Can you trust a man who is from Andover-Newton rather than Southern?"
He had to take a job teaching school and a part time church in Pendleton, SC. Finally he married a Carver School of Missions graduate and that opened some doors. He was "safely" married. He went to the Liberty, SC, FBC where I was born. From there he went to Tryon, NC, FBC, but got pressure to leave because he ministered to everyone--even a woman dying from a botched abortion at a "Road House" outside town.
After a short time as Associate Pastor in Spartanburg, SC, he was called to the Clarkston, GA, FBC at a time of potential growth. They had built a new sanctuary and the population was exploding. He worked hard and stimulated a doubling of the congregation---BUT he was in conflict with the Town Mayor (a lawyer) / Deacon Chairman / Church Treasurer who was playing games with the Building Fund by not paying the steel bill! He had a lawsuit against the company.
Daddy told this man, "You must pay the bill by Friday or I will resign Sunday and explain in clear terms why I am doing it." It took 4 years, but they finally got him in one of the most ugly and lying scenes ever imaginable.
That was OK. He refused to hate! He started a new mission church in an unchurched area--and also became the first HMB Chaplain to the Fulton County Juvenile Court. That church started in our living room, moved to a rental house, and finally built a building after about 2 years. In addition, he was the Associate DOM for the Atlanta Baptist Association.
When he should have become the next Director of Missions, a powerful Editor of the Christian Index opposed him because he was not a "yes man" to him. To move up required a "political correctness." Still he ministered as best he could and had the undying respect of many of the Atlanta Pastors. Again, he refused to hate and did not give up when the new DOM put terrible pressure to get rid of him.
Here is what I learned:
(1) Those who have integrity sometimes are doomed to public failure.
(2) Those who maintain their integrity are provided by God with a place of service where it counts.
(3) Refusing to hate and leaving vengence to God, saves one from bitterness or ultimate defeat.
(4) Most of the early Saints, as well as Jesus, paid an ultimate price for telling the truth.
(5) Few preachers are willing to stand with integrity when their political future and retirement plans could be part of the sacrifice.
(6) Robert Frost was right when he advocated "The Road Less Taken."
I rejoice in the man of integrity who was my father. He stood in front of a hostile crowd many times at the GBC and in his church to advocate for honesty and a Christlike approach to those the majority wanted to crucify.
He is the most like Christ of any man I have ever known. Even in failure, he maintained his integrity. He refused to participate in ugly politics just to be "successful."
It's too bad men like him are few and far between, but I shall meet him one day in the Land Above for I know he walks with God!!!
Friday, June 18, 2010
June: Wedding Month / Recovery Month
It is almost Father's Day. My wife is asking what I want. I already got it!!!!
The last 2 weeks have seen my 4 grandsons returning to normalcy as well as our daughter! My wife is home this weekend with plans to come home at least two nights a week in the future. Her job of assistant mother / child counselor is showing great results! She is the finest mother / grandmother known to mankind.
Two weeks ago she came home during the week. She returned to find 4 boys glad to have her sleeping on the couch once more. They said as long as she was between the door and them, they could sleep without fear. Nothing had happened, and they knew one night without "Gam" could be had without anything happening. What a compliment to how they took seriously Gam's promise that as long as she was there nothing would happen to them or their mother.
Anyone foolish enough to mess with an old she bear protecting her progeny had better watch out! She is old and has lived her life. She is protective and as much as she cared for her own children, she is even more protective of them when grown with cubs. Never mess with an old she bear!!!
The process from November to the present has tried our nerves and deepened our souls. Like similar trials in the past, this adventure has not been pleasant, but it has affirmed our faith that good and dedicated people will ultimately win.
The boys are acting in a beautiful and normal way. They are no longer easily pursuaded that their mother is evil. When they return home from a visit with their father, they tell us in childlike honesty what went on.
Their Gam has told them they will get the truth from her and their mother, and then they can make up their own minds.
The emotional assaults on Sara do not end. She is getting calls and text messages asking why they can't get together again. Now she clearly states: "You wanted to kill me and my family the night we left. You had a chance to straighten things out and for 2 years you did nothing. It is too late for me to change my mind."
I'm proud of my women: Sara and Lonya. I'm equally proud of the boys and their new normalcy. I hope we move toward the future with good emotions and a determination to conquer whatever challenges life should bring.
No one knows, but we trust God to be our security.
The last 2 weeks have seen my 4 grandsons returning to normalcy as well as our daughter! My wife is home this weekend with plans to come home at least two nights a week in the future. Her job of assistant mother / child counselor is showing great results! She is the finest mother / grandmother known to mankind.
Two weeks ago she came home during the week. She returned to find 4 boys glad to have her sleeping on the couch once more. They said as long as she was between the door and them, they could sleep without fear. Nothing had happened, and they knew one night without "Gam" could be had without anything happening. What a compliment to how they took seriously Gam's promise that as long as she was there nothing would happen to them or their mother.
Anyone foolish enough to mess with an old she bear protecting her progeny had better watch out! She is old and has lived her life. She is protective and as much as she cared for her own children, she is even more protective of them when grown with cubs. Never mess with an old she bear!!!
The process from November to the present has tried our nerves and deepened our souls. Like similar trials in the past, this adventure has not been pleasant, but it has affirmed our faith that good and dedicated people will ultimately win.
The boys are acting in a beautiful and normal way. They are no longer easily pursuaded that their mother is evil. When they return home from a visit with their father, they tell us in childlike honesty what went on.
Their Gam has told them they will get the truth from her and their mother, and then they can make up their own minds.
The emotional assaults on Sara do not end. She is getting calls and text messages asking why they can't get together again. Now she clearly states: "You wanted to kill me and my family the night we left. You had a chance to straighten things out and for 2 years you did nothing. It is too late for me to change my mind."
I'm proud of my women: Sara and Lonya. I'm equally proud of the boys and their new normalcy. I hope we move toward the future with good emotions and a determination to conquer whatever challenges life should bring.
No one knows, but we trust God to be our security.
Friday, February 26, 2010
It Has Been a Month and NOTHING has Happened!
This legal system is interesting. Although my daughter has had Separation Papers drawn up for almost 3 months, they are not yet signed! He is refusing and going back and forth. There have been threats to sue her as an unfit mother. He now has a lawyer and tells him he is ready to sign one day and the next day it is "Hell NO!"
What a bunch of hooey! My daughter is still trapped in "shades of grey" land. She was easy as anyone could be on him in the first Separation Paper. Then he hired his lawyer with his momma in control to show her they were not going down easy. All this translates into a rising bunch of legal fees to the level of some $3,000 more after the initial $1,600 already paid.
There have been several court dates set for the Judge to decree to him what he won't sign. My daughter's lawyer says she might not get what she is asking should the Judge make the decisions. We are of the opinion that "1 lawyer in a town will starve to death--2 lawyers will both get rich!" The worst thing is how this mess is getting on our daughter's nerves.
We are telling her she has hired her lawyer and can tell him what she wants to do. She is planning to tell him they were on the docket earlier this week and he persuaded her not to go. The 2 lawyers could work things out "tomorrow." Tomorrow has come and gone for 3 days now. No agreement has been signed by him. Enough is enough!
We hope by commanding a firm court date with no more backing off, the Judge will give our struggling daughter relief from her emotional anguish. He husband has not come to get the boys at all over some 2 months. The Separation Agreement allows him to have them for a weekend every other week. This situation just keeps our daughter held hostage on weekends because there is no father relief. That's not fair and tells more about his relationship to his boys than anything else. As in the past 12 years since the first child arrived, fathering has been minimal.
Let this serve as a warning that Lawyers promise the moon, deliver dirt, and charge you $200 per hour regardless of what happens. It's all about "billable hours." You are the employer of the Lawyer and he must do what you tell him you want done. If he doesn't, you could sue him for unnecessary billing with no results! Or just refuse to pay for nothing. Either way, it is your money he is using up in what is being done.
With respect to the boys, things get continually better with some set-backs. One day they are angels, but at least once a week the demons come out. With the ever watchful eye of Social Services a good paddling could get you called in. Their take is that you should not use more than your hand on those tough backsides. My take is, until you see real tears in those hateful and self-centered eyes, you have not gotten the message across that you are the parent and they are the child.
We now have a home schooler couple who killed their child following the "Pearl System" of child training and teaching.
http://kerussocharis.blogspot.com/2010/02/when-child-training-leads-to-abuse-and.html
To make it simple, that system advocates beating children with a 1/4" PVC pipe until they bleed, if necessary. Their picture of properly trained children is a little ball of flesh never talking back and always doing exactly what the parent commands. This is crazy! No child comes into this world who is always submissive and obedient. The parent just has to be a little smarter and more patient so as to never descend into the child's world of chaos and manipulation.
For a crazy fundamentalist reason those parents failed to notice they were harming their child with such a beating. This is definitely a place where Social Services is needed. But, because of such craziness, they have decreed "nothing more than the hand." I dare any of them to be a successful parent--especially of a willful child--by using only the hand all the time!
What I am pointing out here is the disconnect of law and social services from the real world of a simple mother who lived with 15 years of abuse and is trying to resolve the distorted world of 4 boys by her side. She needs help in economical ways from her lawyer. She needs a more intelligent approach to child rearing than what is now in place.
Is society helpful or hurtful to those who are in distress these days? Do laws protect and bring justice to the one harmed--or serve as more protection to the criminal than the victim?
We have plenty of laws on the books. Whatever happened to common sense in their enforcement????
What a bunch of hooey! My daughter is still trapped in "shades of grey" land. She was easy as anyone could be on him in the first Separation Paper. Then he hired his lawyer with his momma in control to show her they were not going down easy. All this translates into a rising bunch of legal fees to the level of some $3,000 more after the initial $1,600 already paid.
There have been several court dates set for the Judge to decree to him what he won't sign. My daughter's lawyer says she might not get what she is asking should the Judge make the decisions. We are of the opinion that "1 lawyer in a town will starve to death--2 lawyers will both get rich!" The worst thing is how this mess is getting on our daughter's nerves.
We are telling her she has hired her lawyer and can tell him what she wants to do. She is planning to tell him they were on the docket earlier this week and he persuaded her not to go. The 2 lawyers could work things out "tomorrow." Tomorrow has come and gone for 3 days now. No agreement has been signed by him. Enough is enough!
We hope by commanding a firm court date with no more backing off, the Judge will give our struggling daughter relief from her emotional anguish. He husband has not come to get the boys at all over some 2 months. The Separation Agreement allows him to have them for a weekend every other week. This situation just keeps our daughter held hostage on weekends because there is no father relief. That's not fair and tells more about his relationship to his boys than anything else. As in the past 12 years since the first child arrived, fathering has been minimal.
Let this serve as a warning that Lawyers promise the moon, deliver dirt, and charge you $200 per hour regardless of what happens. It's all about "billable hours." You are the employer of the Lawyer and he must do what you tell him you want done. If he doesn't, you could sue him for unnecessary billing with no results! Or just refuse to pay for nothing. Either way, it is your money he is using up in what is being done.
With respect to the boys, things get continually better with some set-backs. One day they are angels, but at least once a week the demons come out. With the ever watchful eye of Social Services a good paddling could get you called in. Their take is that you should not use more than your hand on those tough backsides. My take is, until you see real tears in those hateful and self-centered eyes, you have not gotten the message across that you are the parent and they are the child.
We now have a home schooler couple who killed their child following the "Pearl System" of child training and teaching.
http://kerussocharis.blogspot.com/2010/02/when-child-training-leads-to-abuse-and.html
To make it simple, that system advocates beating children with a 1/4" PVC pipe until they bleed, if necessary. Their picture of properly trained children is a little ball of flesh never talking back and always doing exactly what the parent commands. This is crazy! No child comes into this world who is always submissive and obedient. The parent just has to be a little smarter and more patient so as to never descend into the child's world of chaos and manipulation.
For a crazy fundamentalist reason those parents failed to notice they were harming their child with such a beating. This is definitely a place where Social Services is needed. But, because of such craziness, they have decreed "nothing more than the hand." I dare any of them to be a successful parent--especially of a willful child--by using only the hand all the time!
What I am pointing out here is the disconnect of law and social services from the real world of a simple mother who lived with 15 years of abuse and is trying to resolve the distorted world of 4 boys by her side. She needs help in economical ways from her lawyer. She needs a more intelligent approach to child rearing than what is now in place.
Is society helpful or hurtful to those who are in distress these days? Do laws protect and bring justice to the one harmed--or serve as more protection to the criminal than the victim?
We have plenty of laws on the books. Whatever happened to common sense in their enforcement????
Monday, January 25, 2010
Things are moving along--slowly!
There is no dramatic news in the last week, except that I miss my wife badly, but she is where she is needed!
My son-in-law has a lawyer now, but that is good. He is getting a clear message from his lawyer about how important it is to go ahead and sign the Separation Agreement and abide by the Protective Order.
The boys have good days and bad ones. When they are on a regular school schedule, things seem to go pretty well. On the weekends it is a constant time of fussing, fighting, and vying for attention.
My wife and daughter are trying their best not to use force on them. Standing in the corner is a pretty good punishment, but it often goes in one ear and out the other. Like typical children with too many computer games and not enough exercise the ecoing house becomes their playground and it had my wife almost in tears of frustration last weekend.
I advised her today to get them a big punching bag or mat and put it out in the garage. They can punch and karate kick to their heart's content witout injuring a brother. Children today are seeing too much violence in their cartoons and programs along with the little game computers--the names of which I can't keep up. They are all expensive and they think each one must have his own or it is an invitation to another fight.
When I was growing up and sharing a room with my brother, we knew to behave and seldom fight. That lesson was taught from early childhood and enforced with a switch if we didn't respect momma and daddy. When 2 more sisters came along we were in a small house, but we still had our chores and knew not to be rambunctuous inside the house. The furniture and beds were not play equipment!
I think a lot of this is too much money and too much personal possession to the point the lesson of sharing with one another never gets taught. It is one of the most important lessons of life! My conflicts with my siblings was good preparation in social skills when I grew up knowing how to be respecful of others.
I hate the "me first" attitude my grandsons have. Our other 2 grandchildren do not have this. Maybe it's because they are a boy and girl, but I think it is mostly from better child rearing practices by their parents.
It is what it is and there is progress so I am grateful. We hope they boys can get by with no more counseling or medication than the schools and Gam can provide. Right now, between work and the emotional distractions our daughter is close to insanity, herself, and could not get along without Lonya's help.
I just miss her badly!
My son-in-law has a lawyer now, but that is good. He is getting a clear message from his lawyer about how important it is to go ahead and sign the Separation Agreement and abide by the Protective Order.
The boys have good days and bad ones. When they are on a regular school schedule, things seem to go pretty well. On the weekends it is a constant time of fussing, fighting, and vying for attention.
My wife and daughter are trying their best not to use force on them. Standing in the corner is a pretty good punishment, but it often goes in one ear and out the other. Like typical children with too many computer games and not enough exercise the ecoing house becomes their playground and it had my wife almost in tears of frustration last weekend.
I advised her today to get them a big punching bag or mat and put it out in the garage. They can punch and karate kick to their heart's content witout injuring a brother. Children today are seeing too much violence in their cartoons and programs along with the little game computers--the names of which I can't keep up. They are all expensive and they think each one must have his own or it is an invitation to another fight.
When I was growing up and sharing a room with my brother, we knew to behave and seldom fight. That lesson was taught from early childhood and enforced with a switch if we didn't respect momma and daddy. When 2 more sisters came along we were in a small house, but we still had our chores and knew not to be rambunctuous inside the house. The furniture and beds were not play equipment!
I think a lot of this is too much money and too much personal possession to the point the lesson of sharing with one another never gets taught. It is one of the most important lessons of life! My conflicts with my siblings was good preparation in social skills when I grew up knowing how to be respecful of others.
I hate the "me first" attitude my grandsons have. Our other 2 grandchildren do not have this. Maybe it's because they are a boy and girl, but I think it is mostly from better child rearing practices by their parents.
It is what it is and there is progress so I am grateful. We hope they boys can get by with no more counseling or medication than the schools and Gam can provide. Right now, between work and the emotional distractions our daughter is close to insanity, herself, and could not get along without Lonya's help.
I just miss her badly!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
It is Wednesday--things are better!
I have just talked with my wife and gotten good news. It is better, but certainly not over.
By "better" I mean he went down to the Sheriff's Department and picked up his Separation Papers. He has stopped the harassing phone calls. He left some G.I. Joe toys for the boys on the front steps. They promptly undressed them and have the "stuff" scattered all over their room. They are seldom asking about daddy, and are showing significant signs of better behaviour and attitude under the consistent management of my wife. He has learned nothing about time and love being more important than things to children.
Our daughter, Sara, is showing signs of knowing when her "brainwash" of the last 15 years kicks in and she is falling under any spell of abuse. She is now mad as Hell and does not even know the exact details of the final papers given him. All she knows is her lawyer promised to give him all the financial burden he could for this mess and he either will sign them, or the Judge will sign the order to have them delivered whether he likes it or not!
"Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned"--and that is good, in my opinion. What should a man pay for 15 years of abuse except when he was on a USCG ship in the early years? She has never had any help caring for the boys so she knows she can handle that. She has just lost a "5th child" with his absence, along with distortion of a male image for those 4 wonderful boys.
The oldest is being taken by his mother this afternoon to get a Valentine something-or-other at the jewelry store. Ah, do we all remember our first love and the flutters associated with it!
My joy as a Pa Pa is seeing the boys separated from a bad example. They are still "boys X 4," but, for me, boys are the most fun! I loved my daughter with all my heart, but my son was my hunting buddy and partner in male crime! I was called "Jerk 1," and he became "Jerk 2" in the eyes of my wife and daughter. That's OK because it just signifies that guys are different and women will never completely understand us any more than we will understand them. It is a great on-going mystery!
It is the stuff of Ricky & Lucy, and, more recently, Tim & Jill of "Tim the tool-man Taylor" fame. It makes for good family entertainment far superior to Rose Ann Barr. It is the stuff of comedy routines, the best of which is Bill Cosby, in my opinion.
As long as we can laugh, we will survive.
We are now starting to chuckle in hopes laughter will come shortly. Already Lonya is laughing more with the boys than fussing---and they are responding well. Time will tell if they need more than the Guidance Counselors at school dealing with them.
Lawyers are expensive though. Sara started with $1,600 for the simple approach. $2,000 has been added to that at this point, but "HE WILL PAY," says her lawyer!
By "better" I mean he went down to the Sheriff's Department and picked up his Separation Papers. He has stopped the harassing phone calls. He left some G.I. Joe toys for the boys on the front steps. They promptly undressed them and have the "stuff" scattered all over their room. They are seldom asking about daddy, and are showing significant signs of better behaviour and attitude under the consistent management of my wife. He has learned nothing about time and love being more important than things to children.
Our daughter, Sara, is showing signs of knowing when her "brainwash" of the last 15 years kicks in and she is falling under any spell of abuse. She is now mad as Hell and does not even know the exact details of the final papers given him. All she knows is her lawyer promised to give him all the financial burden he could for this mess and he either will sign them, or the Judge will sign the order to have them delivered whether he likes it or not!
"Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned"--and that is good, in my opinion. What should a man pay for 15 years of abuse except when he was on a USCG ship in the early years? She has never had any help caring for the boys so she knows she can handle that. She has just lost a "5th child" with his absence, along with distortion of a male image for those 4 wonderful boys.
The oldest is being taken by his mother this afternoon to get a Valentine something-or-other at the jewelry store. Ah, do we all remember our first love and the flutters associated with it!
My joy as a Pa Pa is seeing the boys separated from a bad example. They are still "boys X 4," but, for me, boys are the most fun! I loved my daughter with all my heart, but my son was my hunting buddy and partner in male crime! I was called "Jerk 1," and he became "Jerk 2" in the eyes of my wife and daughter. That's OK because it just signifies that guys are different and women will never completely understand us any more than we will understand them. It is a great on-going mystery!
It is the stuff of Ricky & Lucy, and, more recently, Tim & Jill of "Tim the tool-man Taylor" fame. It makes for good family entertainment far superior to Rose Ann Barr. It is the stuff of comedy routines, the best of which is Bill Cosby, in my opinion.
As long as we can laugh, we will survive.
We are now starting to chuckle in hopes laughter will come shortly. Already Lonya is laughing more with the boys than fussing---and they are responding well. Time will tell if they need more than the Guidance Counselors at school dealing with them.
Lawyers are expensive though. Sara started with $1,600 for the simple approach. $2,000 has been added to that at this point, but "HE WILL PAY," says her lawyer!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Where Is He Now???
Last night was interesting. The Deputies showed up after dark at my daughter's door to check on her. They had just been across the County to attempt service of the Protective Order to the "Bad Boy."
His parents claimed to them he was gone for the weekend. They could not go through the door to search for him. Those parents have already received a letter from my daughter's lawyer with a copy of the order enclosed. It cautions them from uttering derogatory comments about her or her parents.
We think he might be visiting his brother to lay low. His brother lives near Wilmington, a 2.5 hour drive away, but who knows. They have lied before for the bad boy they created in a home of hatred and criticism.
The sight of the Deputies did my daughter a world of good. She feels protected and cared for by our law enforcement. It is rare when officers, without being called and pushed, go ahead and do their job.
I asked my wife if they were the same men who came last week to make sure we left safely. She didn't know. I do know this: Those officers wanted so badly to have a signed and delivered Protective Order that night so they could put him in cuffs and give him what NC law provides for women in an abusive situation. They would not have done what they did, and driven some 20 miles to see my daughter face-to-face, had they not cared for what they do more than just getting a paycheck.
Nash County is blessed with officers who care. When we left under their protection they said, "We have more of these situations right now than you can imagine!"
The tight economy has everyone's nerves on edge. People who are in bad relationships can expect to be the punching bag for spouses who are more concerned about money than love.
How I wish he had been shown and taught love as he grew up. I am convinced he could be a different spouse to my daughter, and father to our grandsons.
His parents claimed to them he was gone for the weekend. They could not go through the door to search for him. Those parents have already received a letter from my daughter's lawyer with a copy of the order enclosed. It cautions them from uttering derogatory comments about her or her parents.
We think he might be visiting his brother to lay low. His brother lives near Wilmington, a 2.5 hour drive away, but who knows. They have lied before for the bad boy they created in a home of hatred and criticism.
The sight of the Deputies did my daughter a world of good. She feels protected and cared for by our law enforcement. It is rare when officers, without being called and pushed, go ahead and do their job.
I asked my wife if they were the same men who came last week to make sure we left safely. She didn't know. I do know this: Those officers wanted so badly to have a signed and delivered Protective Order that night so they could put him in cuffs and give him what NC law provides for women in an abusive situation. They would not have done what they did, and driven some 20 miles to see my daughter face-to-face, had they not cared for what they do more than just getting a paycheck.
Nash County is blessed with officers who care. When we left under their protection they said, "We have more of these situations right now than you can imagine!"
The tight economy has everyone's nerves on edge. People who are in bad relationships can expect to be the punching bag for spouses who are more concerned about money than love.
How I wish he had been shown and taught love as he grew up. I am convinced he could be a different spouse to my daughter, and father to our grandsons.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
It's Thursday and--he got out last night!
I just talked with my wife for an update on things with our daughter. I came home yesterday afternoon to the low temperatures by the Pamlico. We are looking for some snow overnight tonight. B-u-r-r-r-r!
The hospital called my daughter last night to inform her he had checked out--to whom and exactly where, we do not know. Sara had talked with him when he called sometime yesterday. He was chuckling that he had smashed the windshield of my truck and put a couple of good sized dents in it before having it towed. Additionally, he had trashed the inside and scattered papers, notes, and important things all over the floorboard. His only question was: "What did your dad say about his truck?"
There was not one dab of remorse or humanity showing. This tells my daughter the most important thing she needs to know: The man has not changed and checked out far too soon to have any real effect from whatever treatment he might have gotten.
It leads me to conclude that, at this point, we just have a slightly caged beast still trying to show "he is the man." NOT!!!!!
A friend asked Sara yesterday, "Do you want to risk him picking up any or all the boys and driving his car off a cliff to show you can't have them?" Is Sara ever thinking between that question and what he did to my truck.
Her answer is: "HELL NO!" She is just that mad and should be! The locks have been changed on the house. Her Protective Order has not yet been served. A letter has been sent to his parents along with the Order by Sara's lawyer. He should be served today if all goes well. Thereafter, any hostile calls, words, or actions will get him the cuffs and jail cell.
They are all asking why he is focusing his anger so much on me. I know the answer.
It is because I am the male figure in his wife's life who is protecting her and standing up, at long last, to him. If he wants to focus on me, it's OK. In fact, it is welcomed. I can take whatever he should choose to say. I am strong enough to defend myself if the Deputies are not present. He may try to get me, but he will get more than he bargained for. I may be old, but I deal with dangerous trees every day I work, and I always come up with ways to take them down without damage to myself or the customer's property.
Another source of his wrath is the fact every time he has come in and found the children there along with me, they are cuddled around me and being treated with love to which they are responding. Some weeks ago when I was there and the twins, age 5, were too sick to go to school, Sara asked if she should call their dad or would they be OK with Pa Pa. "Pa Pa!!!" was their cry and we had a great day together playing and snuggling. Do they ever need such treatment from a man they can trust. I also encourage some "boy things" Momma and Gam would never allow. God help any boy totally raised and controlled by a women. They don't quite know how to lighten up nor how to get really tough as needed, in my opinion--it's just my "man thang."
Well, we will see what today holds. Lonya will keep me posted and I do have enough fuel this time to make the 1.5 hour trip to my daughter's house, if necessary. Let's hope it will not be.
My job I was to do today has been put off by 2 weeks although I am despirate for any money I can make. The ice storm predicted 5 days ago is quickly degenerating to some light snow overnight tonight and east of I-95. Not exactly a crisis with downed trees everywhere----darn!!!
The hospital called my daughter last night to inform her he had checked out--to whom and exactly where, we do not know. Sara had talked with him when he called sometime yesterday. He was chuckling that he had smashed the windshield of my truck and put a couple of good sized dents in it before having it towed. Additionally, he had trashed the inside and scattered papers, notes, and important things all over the floorboard. His only question was: "What did your dad say about his truck?"
There was not one dab of remorse or humanity showing. This tells my daughter the most important thing she needs to know: The man has not changed and checked out far too soon to have any real effect from whatever treatment he might have gotten.
It leads me to conclude that, at this point, we just have a slightly caged beast still trying to show "he is the man." NOT!!!!!
A friend asked Sara yesterday, "Do you want to risk him picking up any or all the boys and driving his car off a cliff to show you can't have them?" Is Sara ever thinking between that question and what he did to my truck.
Her answer is: "HELL NO!" She is just that mad and should be! The locks have been changed on the house. Her Protective Order has not yet been served. A letter has been sent to his parents along with the Order by Sara's lawyer. He should be served today if all goes well. Thereafter, any hostile calls, words, or actions will get him the cuffs and jail cell.
They are all asking why he is focusing his anger so much on me. I know the answer.
It is because I am the male figure in his wife's life who is protecting her and standing up, at long last, to him. If he wants to focus on me, it's OK. In fact, it is welcomed. I can take whatever he should choose to say. I am strong enough to defend myself if the Deputies are not present. He may try to get me, but he will get more than he bargained for. I may be old, but I deal with dangerous trees every day I work, and I always come up with ways to take them down without damage to myself or the customer's property.
Another source of his wrath is the fact every time he has come in and found the children there along with me, they are cuddled around me and being treated with love to which they are responding. Some weeks ago when I was there and the twins, age 5, were too sick to go to school, Sara asked if she should call their dad or would they be OK with Pa Pa. "Pa Pa!!!" was their cry and we had a great day together playing and snuggling. Do they ever need such treatment from a man they can trust. I also encourage some "boy things" Momma and Gam would never allow. God help any boy totally raised and controlled by a women. They don't quite know how to lighten up nor how to get really tough as needed, in my opinion--it's just my "man thang."
Well, we will see what today holds. Lonya will keep me posted and I do have enough fuel this time to make the 1.5 hour trip to my daughter's house, if necessary. Let's hope it will not be.
My job I was to do today has been put off by 2 weeks although I am despirate for any money I can make. The ice storm predicted 5 days ago is quickly degenerating to some light snow overnight tonight and east of I-95. Not exactly a crisis with downed trees everywhere----darn!!!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It's Friday, But Sunday's Coming!
Tony Compolo is one of the most inspiring preachers around these days. He is brim full of life's experiences and has a capacity for analysis and communication rarely Found among preachers. Some years ago, at Furman University, he spoke and rendered a sermon. You see, he is also the Associate Pastor in a large black church in addition to his duties at Easern University in Philadelphia.
It's Title I borrowed for this post. It is one of the most moving sermons on the Crucifixion and Easter I have ever heard. That title rings throughout as the preacher recounts every event of the Crucifixion from the carrying of the cross to nails, to a crown of thorns, to spear thrust into Jesus' side. The last description is that Jesus died---he then pauses---the audience is so caught up in the chant of "It's Friday" when he said it, we could not help but complete in loud unison: "BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!"
This is how I felt as Sara packed everything, Gam got in the car last, I held the dog, and they pulled off for home. It was Friday, New Year's Day, and Sunday's coming! She is armed with an iron clad Protective Order. The first thing they did after cleaning up more in the house was to put the new locks on every outside door. Now it will take him at least 5 minutes to get in. If he has, by some chance, not been served the Protective Order and cons his way out of the hospital, the Deputies will be there to serve him so that the next time he makes a threatening phone call to any of us or steps on the property he gets cuffs and a jail cell--no if's, and's, or but's!
I just got off the phone to hear what happened with the boys last night. The oldest got invited to a friend's house to sleep overnight. The whole day back at the house was constant turmoil among the boys. Bad behaviour ruled. Finally, it was bed time.
The middle boy had already "hit the ceiling" over his brother leaving. He is his protector and comfort despite the rivalry. Lonya talked with him and decided they would sleep together so he would feel safe. When Sara put the twins down, they were fearful, but she told them all the locks were changed and only she and Gam had the key. Daddy could not get in. They went right to sleep. Jack twisted and turned and dreamed all night, but he did get a night's sleep with Gam by his side. They didn't even finish the wrestling match on TV he dearly loves before falling to sleep.
Sara is taking the boys to school Monday. She has decided to talk with the Principals so they know what the Protective Order reads and they have a copy handy should he make the mistake of showing up at school. He will immediately be arrested and each of our schools now has a Security Officer on campus--it is a sad commentary on what is going on at schools these days. Sara is also going to request the Guidance Counselors have some sessions with each boy. If that does not help we will get them to a good friend who is one of the finest Psychologists in our town. We used to be neighbors so he knows us. We are blessed.
I will get further reports during today and decide whether to go there tonight or tomorrow. I just don't want to miss my GT Yellow Jackets next Tuesday at the Orange Bowl, but that is a secondary concern. There are always replays should I miss it.
My truck he had towed from his house cost my daughter better than $200 down the rat hole. It is at a friend's garage so I can replace the burned out starter. I have a job in the area scheduled for next Thursday. It's not big, but it is a little money because we are down to our last $20 between us and Lonya does not get paid until the end of next week. God has taken care of us using us, a good lawyer, a judge with compassion and common sense, and one of the finest Sheriff's Offices in the state. As the Sheriff said when I called to thank him: "My Deputies make me look good and I am glad to have them."
"It's Friday Night ......BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!"
It's Title I borrowed for this post. It is one of the most moving sermons on the Crucifixion and Easter I have ever heard. That title rings throughout as the preacher recounts every event of the Crucifixion from the carrying of the cross to nails, to a crown of thorns, to spear thrust into Jesus' side. The last description is that Jesus died---he then pauses---the audience is so caught up in the chant of "It's Friday" when he said it, we could not help but complete in loud unison: "BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!"
This is how I felt as Sara packed everything, Gam got in the car last, I held the dog, and they pulled off for home. It was Friday, New Year's Day, and Sunday's coming! She is armed with an iron clad Protective Order. The first thing they did after cleaning up more in the house was to put the new locks on every outside door. Now it will take him at least 5 minutes to get in. If he has, by some chance, not been served the Protective Order and cons his way out of the hospital, the Deputies will be there to serve him so that the next time he makes a threatening phone call to any of us or steps on the property he gets cuffs and a jail cell--no if's, and's, or but's!
I just got off the phone to hear what happened with the boys last night. The oldest got invited to a friend's house to sleep overnight. The whole day back at the house was constant turmoil among the boys. Bad behaviour ruled. Finally, it was bed time.
The middle boy had already "hit the ceiling" over his brother leaving. He is his protector and comfort despite the rivalry. Lonya talked with him and decided they would sleep together so he would feel safe. When Sara put the twins down, they were fearful, but she told them all the locks were changed and only she and Gam had the key. Daddy could not get in. They went right to sleep. Jack twisted and turned and dreamed all night, but he did get a night's sleep with Gam by his side. They didn't even finish the wrestling match on TV he dearly loves before falling to sleep.
Sara is taking the boys to school Monday. She has decided to talk with the Principals so they know what the Protective Order reads and they have a copy handy should he make the mistake of showing up at school. He will immediately be arrested and each of our schools now has a Security Officer on campus--it is a sad commentary on what is going on at schools these days. Sara is also going to request the Guidance Counselors have some sessions with each boy. If that does not help we will get them to a good friend who is one of the finest Psychologists in our town. We used to be neighbors so he knows us. We are blessed.
I will get further reports during today and decide whether to go there tonight or tomorrow. I just don't want to miss my GT Yellow Jackets next Tuesday at the Orange Bowl, but that is a secondary concern. There are always replays should I miss it.
My truck he had towed from his house cost my daughter better than $200 down the rat hole. It is at a friend's garage so I can replace the burned out starter. I have a job in the area scheduled for next Thursday. It's not big, but it is a little money because we are down to our last $20 between us and Lonya does not get paid until the end of next week. God has taken care of us using us, a good lawyer, a judge with compassion and common sense, and one of the finest Sheriff's Offices in the state. As the Sheriff said when I called to thank him: "My Deputies make me look good and I am glad to have them."
"It's Friday Night ......BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!"
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