July--Celebrate Freedom, Sara!!!!

Our daughter and grandsons spent the week after July 4 with us at the river. It was the perfect time to look at them in detail and to take stock of where they are emotionally.

In sum: It is good!!!!!

Each of the boys is showing significant progress since November. They fuss and fight far less. There are times which all competitive children have. TC vs. Jack is a 12-year-old living in the same room as a 7-year-old. Jack wants to do everything TC does, but can't. TC enjoys getting him into a video game he can't handle and then blasting him to oblivion!

That normally generates a tirade of screams and tantrums, but not much this week!!! They played in their bedroom and went outside to learn new swimming and jumping tricks in the river.

We decided to back off on supervision and see what naturally came. Where they used to last 2-3 days until total boredom set in, they were in grief as the week ended. They didn't want to go home. We did not take them on any great sight-seeing trips this time. All the local places of interest have already been seen. They basically lived in a home environment displaced to the river.

They were in and out of the house. In the mornings, while it was still reasonably cool, there was yard running and pier jumping. None of them cares for fishing right now, but the fishing out in front of the cottage is minimal. Little bait-stealing croakers just make corks wiggle and bait disappear--to the despair of even an experienced fisherman.

When they got hot or tired they came into the house to play video games, color, or play with action figures. Amazingly, where last year they could care less they were in the walk way with toys, they kept things tidy. They did not sulk when you asked them to play away from tight walking areas. Their respect for others is growing as they learn they are respected by Momma, Gam, and Pa Pa. We tell them our expectations. We are consistent and use a swat of the behind when we are totally ignored. There was little or no screaming from boys or parents. What a joy!!!

The twins are now 5 and most interesting. Dillyn is his joyful and adventurous self. He learned to float, do handstands and flips in the water. He loves to climb the highest structure and jump with glee into the water.

Gavyn, the quiet one, has suddenly waked up. He is first out of bed. He wants to hang beside me and chatter-chatter-chatter with questions and observations. Instead of hanging back to a fault, he can now be encouraged to be a little adventurous.

One of the funniest scenes was Sara and Lonya sunning themselves and missing Gavyn. Instead of having a panic attack, they start searching for the little boy walking around with a tube around his middle. There he was--walking under the pier from the deck in waist deep water to the shore and back again. He had a smile instead of the usual scowl. He is holding back--not wanting to make a mistake--but he is engaging in delightful discussions of how he sees the world through 5-year-old eyes. Some of his "stuff" makes you roll on the floor in laughter. He is a riot!

Meanwhile back at home: Thomas is continuing his stalking mode. The weekend after Sara's return was his for the boys. His mother told the boys their father wasn't feeling well and to stay out of his closed door room. Through those hours he was texting Sara asking, "Why can't we get back together" / "I love you" / "I know what you look like naked" / etc.

It is a combination of "pity me" and verbal abuse. He has supposedly been to counseling. His company, according to him, sent him to Washington, DC, for some sort of anger management course. All of this "counseling" never results in change for more than a few days. In fact, there have been so many lies told that we can't be sure there has been any counseling at all. He claims to be taking medication--who knows. When I wrote the last sentence I spelled it "madication!" This is more accurate!

As my wife and daughter sat on the porch at her house during the evening, he pulled up in the company car. She went out to his blubbering, "Don't you love me?" / "NO!" "Can't we get back together?" / "We tried that and you never kept any promises--NO!". He ripped off with the squall of tires.

She has made up her mind to move away for peace and quiet. We think that would be wise. Every time he calls / texts / comes by it takes another bite into Sara's behind which is about chewed up. All he is doing is to drive her further away into anger. She has already told her boys she won't be coming to any birthday party at the other grandparents. When asked, "Why?," she calmly told them, "I have been called all kinds of ugly names and words so I don't care to ever see them again." The boys understood and never asked again.

The saddest part of all this is he could choose to do better and, with the help of intensive counseling, become the kind of person hiding behind the bully on the playground. However, with his parents serving as his cheering squad, there is absolutely no motivation from the source of his torment. It seems to be their way of proving to themselves that they were good parents. Just keep him like he is and blame his spouse for everything.

The real crazy thing about this is multiple times my daughter poured her heart out to his mother over how he needed help. She totally agreed / encouraged our daughter to tell her more / indicated perhaps they could help him together---TOTAL LIE!!!

It is a foregone conclusion at this point that the relationship is over. He is starting to make noises that he really doesn't want the boys and they are a lot of trouble to his parents. He threatens not to sign the divorce papers in November, but a check of NC law indicated that is not necessary since he signed the Separation Papers and Child Support agreements. He has made the agreements which cannot be changed without Sara's consent.

Meanwhile, we are restoring the abused house to a saleable condition. It will go on the market in a few weeks. Sara owns it outright as part of the Separation Agreement.

Pray that more peace may come into their lives. Pray that the sale will come quickly so she can get away from the car riding by and boys coming home with a fresh case of "potty mouth" every time they visit him and his parents. AND---pray for this tormented man who can't find the courage to get away from his tormenting parents and seek a quiet place of joy and peace. At this point he has nothing but agony and anguish which he continues to bring on himself! His threat as he screeched away was, "I'll just kill myself!" We don't think he has the courage to do it--just one more empty threat.

It's so gratifying to see our daughter and grandsons improve each week so that is our source of rejoicing in how God helps those who want to be helped.

Oh, by the way, Lonya is coming back home 2 nights a week and weekends. We are recovering our relationship strained by the agony and needs of our child and her boys. As Sara's genuine smile returns, I find her to be a beautiful as her mother.

Family never leaves you. You rejoice in the good times and bring comfort in the bad. No matter what, some sacrifice is involved---BUT IT IS WORTH EVERY DROP OF BLOOD SHED FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE!