Tony Compolo is one of the most inspiring preachers around these days. He is brim full of life's experiences and has a capacity for analysis and communication rarely Found among preachers. Some years ago, at Furman University, he spoke and rendered a sermon. You see, he is also the Associate Pastor in a large black church in addition to his duties at Easern University in Philadelphia.
It's Title I borrowed for this post. It is one of the most moving sermons on the Crucifixion and Easter I have ever heard. That title rings throughout as the preacher recounts every event of the Crucifixion from the carrying of the cross to nails, to a crown of thorns, to spear thrust into Jesus' side. The last description is that Jesus died---he then pauses---the audience is so caught up in the chant of "It's Friday" when he said it, we could not help but complete in loud unison: "BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!"
This is how I felt as Sara packed everything, Gam got in the car last, I held the dog, and they pulled off for home. It was Friday, New Year's Day, and Sunday's coming! She is armed with an iron clad Protective Order. The first thing they did after cleaning up more in the house was to put the new locks on every outside door. Now it will take him at least 5 minutes to get in. If he has, by some chance, not been served the Protective Order and cons his way out of the hospital, the Deputies will be there to serve him so that the next time he makes a threatening phone call to any of us or steps on the property he gets cuffs and a jail cell--no if's, and's, or but's!
I just got off the phone to hear what happened with the boys last night. The oldest got invited to a friend's house to sleep overnight. The whole day back at the house was constant turmoil among the boys. Bad behaviour ruled. Finally, it was bed time.
The middle boy had already "hit the ceiling" over his brother leaving. He is his protector and comfort despite the rivalry. Lonya talked with him and decided they would sleep together so he would feel safe. When Sara put the twins down, they were fearful, but she told them all the locks were changed and only she and Gam had the key. Daddy could not get in. They went right to sleep. Jack twisted and turned and dreamed all night, but he did get a night's sleep with Gam by his side. They didn't even finish the wrestling match on TV he dearly loves before falling to sleep.
Sara is taking the boys to school Monday. She has decided to talk with the Principals so they know what the Protective Order reads and they have a copy handy should he make the mistake of showing up at school. He will immediately be arrested and each of our schools now has a Security Officer on campus--it is a sad commentary on what is going on at schools these days. Sara is also going to request the Guidance Counselors have some sessions with each boy. If that does not help we will get them to a good friend who is one of the finest Psychologists in our town. We used to be neighbors so he knows us. We are blessed.
I will get further reports during today and decide whether to go there tonight or tomorrow. I just don't want to miss my GT Yellow Jackets next Tuesday at the Orange Bowl, but that is a secondary concern. There are always replays should I miss it.
My truck he had towed from his house cost my daughter better than $200 down the rat hole. It is at a friend's garage so I can replace the burned out starter. I have a job in the area scheduled for next Thursday. It's not big, but it is a little money because we are down to our last $20 between us and Lonya does not get paid until the end of next week. God has taken care of us using us, a good lawyer, a judge with compassion and common sense, and one of the finest Sheriff's Offices in the state. As the Sheriff said when I called to thank him: "My Deputies make me look good and I am glad to have them."
"It's Friday Night ......BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!"
What a horrible son-in-law! When most abusers are tested, they can't find any disorder, even though they act crazy enough one thinks they must be nuts. Perhaps your son in law actually is mentally unstable.
ReplyDeleteI recall reading quite some time ago about how difficult Patty Duke was to live with. It turned out she had bi-polar. An abuser around this area was diagnosed with bipolar, and as far as I know, his parents were loving and fairly decent.
Gene, I think you are being too kind in blaming your son-in-law's parents. Many, many people have come from horrible homes and do not choose abuse as a way to deal with life. Except for mental problems, those who choose to abuse are still CHOOSING their behavior. It seems to be based on a belief system that says they have the right to have their way.
Your son-in-law could just as easily have decided that since he hated the irrational restrictions his parents placed on him, that he would do it differently. But he did not. Instead, he copies them.
My question is: does the medication help him act more sane? Or is it just putting him to sleep for awhile?
You and your family are in my prayers!
Waneta--
ReplyDeleteJust putting him to sleep for a while. I can't decide if "bi-polar" is just PC talk for "stinking mean and disturbed with hate."
My daughter in in court today with the Protective Order. No matter what the cause, divorce in NC has a year of separation to endure before it. How I wish it were instant because nothing will now bring love back to her for the evil done over the last 15 years and how it is now inflicting misery, suffering, and distorted personalaity to the 12-year-old.
He is calling him from the hospital almost daily and---we know when he does because the child reacts negatively!
Gene, first of all, God bless you and your family as you live through this horrible time.
ReplyDeleteMy former brother-in-law has bipolar and it's a very, very real disease, one that's been known about for over 1000 years; you might have heard of it back when it was called "manic depression". People who have it swing from being manic (talking very fast, making dangerous decisions, possibly being violent) to being depressed, over and over again.
My ex brother-in-law, like your soon-to-be-ex son-in-law, was abusive of his wife, in front of his children, in a manic phase. He also, like your son-in-law, abused drugs and alcohol. (30-60% of people with bipolar do.) He's in one sense a victim of his body; in another sense, he's a victim of his choices, including choices not to admit his diseases and accept treatment. He has responsibility for what he has done with his disease because he chose not to admit its existence; his parents, like your son-in-law's, chose to deny that anything was wrong and to discourage him from treatment.
I am so sorry for your daughter, and for your grandchildren. No family should have to cope with this sort of cruelty, both emotional and physical. I am also sorry for you and your wife, having to be the strong supportive ones when you're grieving and angry yourselves.
I hope you find some rest and comfort soon; I also hope beyond hope that your son-in-law, unlike my brother-in-law, finds the courage to admit his disease, treat it, and do his best to make amends to the people he has wronged.
P.S. Your daughter would be wise to change the household phone number and get the new number unlisted.
ReplyDeleteThings HAVE improved--especially with the children. As soon as he signe the papers for Separtion our daughter will do all things protective including something about her 12-year-old's cell phone which "dad" is using frequently.
ReplyDeleteI agree that Manic / Depressive / Bi-polar are real and some people cannot help themselves. My daddy used to have a wise observation, though: "You can't keep a bird from flying over your head, but you sure can keep him from nesting there!"
I have a mixed view as to how much is meaness and how much is disease. We have yet to see if he takes therapy more seriously than his pretended attempts over the last 2 years.
How long is enough to wait and see???