I just talked with my wife for an update on things with our daughter. I came home yesterday afternoon to the low temperatures by the Pamlico. We are looking for some snow overnight tonight. B-u-r-r-r-r!
The hospital called my daughter last night to inform her he had checked out--to whom and exactly where, we do not know. Sara had talked with him when he called sometime yesterday. He was chuckling that he had smashed the windshield of my truck and put a couple of good sized dents in it before having it towed. Additionally, he had trashed the inside and scattered papers, notes, and important things all over the floorboard. His only question was: "What did your dad say about his truck?"
There was not one dab of remorse or humanity showing. This tells my daughter the most important thing she needs to know: The man has not changed and checked out far too soon to have any real effect from whatever treatment he might have gotten.
It leads me to conclude that, at this point, we just have a slightly caged beast still trying to show "he is the man." NOT!!!!!
A friend asked Sara yesterday, "Do you want to risk him picking up any or all the boys and driving his car off a cliff to show you can't have them?" Is Sara ever thinking between that question and what he did to my truck.
Her answer is: "HELL NO!" She is just that mad and should be! The locks have been changed on the house. Her Protective Order has not yet been served. A letter has been sent to his parents along with the Order by Sara's lawyer. He should be served today if all goes well. Thereafter, any hostile calls, words, or actions will get him the cuffs and jail cell.
They are all asking why he is focusing his anger so much on me. I know the answer.
It is because I am the male figure in his wife's life who is protecting her and standing up, at long last, to him. If he wants to focus on me, it's OK. In fact, it is welcomed. I can take whatever he should choose to say. I am strong enough to defend myself if the Deputies are not present. He may try to get me, but he will get more than he bargained for. I may be old, but I deal with dangerous trees every day I work, and I always come up with ways to take them down without damage to myself or the customer's property.
Another source of his wrath is the fact every time he has come in and found the children there along with me, they are cuddled around me and being treated with love to which they are responding. Some weeks ago when I was there and the twins, age 5, were too sick to go to school, Sara asked if she should call their dad or would they be OK with Pa Pa. "Pa Pa!!!" was their cry and we had a great day together playing and snuggling. Do they ever need such treatment from a man they can trust. I also encourage some "boy things" Momma and Gam would never allow. God help any boy totally raised and controlled by a women. They don't quite know how to lighten up nor how to get really tough as needed, in my opinion--it's just my "man thang."
Well, we will see what today holds. Lonya will keep me posted and I do have enough fuel this time to make the 1.5 hour trip to my daughter's house, if necessary. Let's hope it will not be.
My job I was to do today has been put off by 2 weeks although I am despirate for any money I can make. The ice storm predicted 5 days ago is quickly degenerating to some light snow overnight tonight and east of I-95. Not exactly a crisis with downed trees everywhere----darn!!!
Gene,
ReplyDeleteYour son in law is a dangerous person. He may not stop at words. You also need a protective order, along with your wife.
It is clear to me that the largest part of the reason he is gunning for you is that you are replacing him as a parent. He no longer has the hearts of his sons and is he ever angry about that! He cannot compete for their affection, because he believes that "cuddly" is not "manly" and other such lies.
It is also likely that he believes he owns his wife and sons. According to his beliefs, you have stolen them. Even if he were to steal them back, they would not want to stay with him and would leave at first opportunity. There are just too many people to try to control, so he aims for the one person who is empowering all the others.
A person like that does not have normal boundaries. If he THINKS he can kill you and get by with it, he will do it. Notice that it doesn't matter if it is true; what he THINKS is what counts.
At some point, it is possible that it won't matter to him if he can get by with it. A person like him is capable of killing you, his entire family, and himself, and thus--in his mind--"getting by with it."
Please, please, take all precautions!! Do not loan him ANY of your property. Sabbotaging it is not beneath him. Keep your vehicles & etc. locked and garaged.
In this case Prov 22:3 applies--see the danger and take refuge lest you suffer for it. "A prudent man forseeth the evil and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished."
Also take note of Prov 22:24 "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go."
As of now I am also praying for the safety of your whole family.
I don't know how the law behaves in your state, but it may be worth it to give your son in law apportunity to record a threat on tape. Ever since 9-11 and the Columbine shooting, threats are taken more seriously by law enforcement. I suggest that you do not pick up the phone when he calls, but give him a chance to leave a message.
AS you know, killing is not the only way to take revenge. Destroying your business, your property, making you all sick, or whatever he can do to bring harm to you are all possibilities to him.
The best place for him right now is in jail. The more he is stopped the angrier he will get. The more God convicts him, the angrier he will get. His self talk blames everyone but himself for everything that goes wrong.
Let it be known that according to your son-in-law, when it rains it is your fault, Gene. When it snows it is your fault. When his car doesn't work or is wrecked it is your fault. When his wife leaves him, it is your fault. When his sons turn against him, it is your fault. When he gets sick, it is your fault. Everything that goes wrong for him is your fault--and of course your daughter's fault, too.
He will resist thinking any other way, because that will open the door to considering the truth. And the one truth he cannot bear, is the truth of how much that has gone wrong in his life is his own fault. That truth he cannot tolerate. Even if he SAYS that truth, he doesn't mean it, and is only saying it to take control of those he considers to be at fault.
BTW: I facilitated a mens group for the batterers education program. Nearly every male who came through the group thought his savage behavior was right and justified. It took alot of persuading, reasoning, teaching, and insisting to convince even a few of them to think otherwise. Even so, perhaps your son-in-law can be forced to attend such a group. It does help a few. Sadly, some use the info to be more deceptive and even more controlling.
God bless!
~Waneta Dawn
Waneta--
ReplyDeleteYou have covered most of the important things I have considered. The Protective Order includes my wife and I, should either of us have any threat from him.
My phone has caller ID so I do not answer his call and already have one which would have gotten him arrested had the PO been in place at the time.
I worked at the State Mental Hospital of NC while at seminary. A drug addict hidden among the alcoholics on the ward stayed behind at supper and got my keys, holding a pair of barber scissors at my liver. I have seen those black and empty eyes devoid of humanity and know how empty a person's soul can become.
The Deputies have been good and quick, but I have a few things I learned along the way about how to drop a person no matter how big and mean they are. It's a dirty of way of fighting, but who cares if it should become him or me.
Remember, I'm in pretty good shape taking down trees all day and it takes a smart person to figure out how to take out a tree between 2 houses piece by piece without doing any damage to houses, yard, equipment or men working the job. I just hope it never comes to that!