There is no dramatic news in the last week, except that I miss my wife badly, but she is where she is needed!
My son-in-law has a lawyer now, but that is good. He is getting a clear message from his lawyer about how important it is to go ahead and sign the Separation Agreement and abide by the Protective Order.
The boys have good days and bad ones. When they are on a regular school schedule, things seem to go pretty well. On the weekends it is a constant time of fussing, fighting, and vying for attention.
My wife and daughter are trying their best not to use force on them. Standing in the corner is a pretty good punishment, but it often goes in one ear and out the other. Like typical children with too many computer games and not enough exercise the ecoing house becomes their playground and it had my wife almost in tears of frustration last weekend.
I advised her today to get them a big punching bag or mat and put it out in the garage. They can punch and karate kick to their heart's content witout injuring a brother. Children today are seeing too much violence in their cartoons and programs along with the little game computers--the names of which I can't keep up. They are all expensive and they think each one must have his own or it is an invitation to another fight.
When I was growing up and sharing a room with my brother, we knew to behave and seldom fight. That lesson was taught from early childhood and enforced with a switch if we didn't respect momma and daddy. When 2 more sisters came along we were in a small house, but we still had our chores and knew not to be rambunctuous inside the house. The furniture and beds were not play equipment!
I think a lot of this is too much money and too much personal possession to the point the lesson of sharing with one another never gets taught. It is one of the most important lessons of life! My conflicts with my siblings was good preparation in social skills when I grew up knowing how to be respecful of others.
I hate the "me first" attitude my grandsons have. Our other 2 grandchildren do not have this. Maybe it's because they are a boy and girl, but I think it is mostly from better child rearing practices by their parents.
It is what it is and there is progress so I am grateful. We hope they boys can get by with no more counseling or medication than the schools and Gam can provide. Right now, between work and the emotional distractions our daughter is close to insanity, herself, and could not get along without Lonya's help.
I just miss her badly!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
It is Wednesday--things are better!
I have just talked with my wife and gotten good news. It is better, but certainly not over.
By "better" I mean he went down to the Sheriff's Department and picked up his Separation Papers. He has stopped the harassing phone calls. He left some G.I. Joe toys for the boys on the front steps. They promptly undressed them and have the "stuff" scattered all over their room. They are seldom asking about daddy, and are showing significant signs of better behaviour and attitude under the consistent management of my wife. He has learned nothing about time and love being more important than things to children.
Our daughter, Sara, is showing signs of knowing when her "brainwash" of the last 15 years kicks in and she is falling under any spell of abuse. She is now mad as Hell and does not even know the exact details of the final papers given him. All she knows is her lawyer promised to give him all the financial burden he could for this mess and he either will sign them, or the Judge will sign the order to have them delivered whether he likes it or not!
"Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned"--and that is good, in my opinion. What should a man pay for 15 years of abuse except when he was on a USCG ship in the early years? She has never had any help caring for the boys so she knows she can handle that. She has just lost a "5th child" with his absence, along with distortion of a male image for those 4 wonderful boys.
The oldest is being taken by his mother this afternoon to get a Valentine something-or-other at the jewelry store. Ah, do we all remember our first love and the flutters associated with it!
My joy as a Pa Pa is seeing the boys separated from a bad example. They are still "boys X 4," but, for me, boys are the most fun! I loved my daughter with all my heart, but my son was my hunting buddy and partner in male crime! I was called "Jerk 1," and he became "Jerk 2" in the eyes of my wife and daughter. That's OK because it just signifies that guys are different and women will never completely understand us any more than we will understand them. It is a great on-going mystery!
It is the stuff of Ricky & Lucy, and, more recently, Tim & Jill of "Tim the tool-man Taylor" fame. It makes for good family entertainment far superior to Rose Ann Barr. It is the stuff of comedy routines, the best of which is Bill Cosby, in my opinion.
As long as we can laugh, we will survive.
We are now starting to chuckle in hopes laughter will come shortly. Already Lonya is laughing more with the boys than fussing---and they are responding well. Time will tell if they need more than the Guidance Counselors at school dealing with them.
Lawyers are expensive though. Sara started with $1,600 for the simple approach. $2,000 has been added to that at this point, but "HE WILL PAY," says her lawyer!
By "better" I mean he went down to the Sheriff's Department and picked up his Separation Papers. He has stopped the harassing phone calls. He left some G.I. Joe toys for the boys on the front steps. They promptly undressed them and have the "stuff" scattered all over their room. They are seldom asking about daddy, and are showing significant signs of better behaviour and attitude under the consistent management of my wife. He has learned nothing about time and love being more important than things to children.
Our daughter, Sara, is showing signs of knowing when her "brainwash" of the last 15 years kicks in and she is falling under any spell of abuse. She is now mad as Hell and does not even know the exact details of the final papers given him. All she knows is her lawyer promised to give him all the financial burden he could for this mess and he either will sign them, or the Judge will sign the order to have them delivered whether he likes it or not!
"Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned"--and that is good, in my opinion. What should a man pay for 15 years of abuse except when he was on a USCG ship in the early years? She has never had any help caring for the boys so she knows she can handle that. She has just lost a "5th child" with his absence, along with distortion of a male image for those 4 wonderful boys.
The oldest is being taken by his mother this afternoon to get a Valentine something-or-other at the jewelry store. Ah, do we all remember our first love and the flutters associated with it!
My joy as a Pa Pa is seeing the boys separated from a bad example. They are still "boys X 4," but, for me, boys are the most fun! I loved my daughter with all my heart, but my son was my hunting buddy and partner in male crime! I was called "Jerk 1," and he became "Jerk 2" in the eyes of my wife and daughter. That's OK because it just signifies that guys are different and women will never completely understand us any more than we will understand them. It is a great on-going mystery!
It is the stuff of Ricky & Lucy, and, more recently, Tim & Jill of "Tim the tool-man Taylor" fame. It makes for good family entertainment far superior to Rose Ann Barr. It is the stuff of comedy routines, the best of which is Bill Cosby, in my opinion.
As long as we can laugh, we will survive.
We are now starting to chuckle in hopes laughter will come shortly. Already Lonya is laughing more with the boys than fussing---and they are responding well. Time will tell if they need more than the Guidance Counselors at school dealing with them.
Lawyers are expensive though. Sara started with $1,600 for the simple approach. $2,000 has been added to that at this point, but "HE WILL PAY," says her lawyer!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Where Is He Now???
Last night was interesting. The Deputies showed up after dark at my daughter's door to check on her. They had just been across the County to attempt service of the Protective Order to the "Bad Boy."
His parents claimed to them he was gone for the weekend. They could not go through the door to search for him. Those parents have already received a letter from my daughter's lawyer with a copy of the order enclosed. It cautions them from uttering derogatory comments about her or her parents.
We think he might be visiting his brother to lay low. His brother lives near Wilmington, a 2.5 hour drive away, but who knows. They have lied before for the bad boy they created in a home of hatred and criticism.
The sight of the Deputies did my daughter a world of good. She feels protected and cared for by our law enforcement. It is rare when officers, without being called and pushed, go ahead and do their job.
I asked my wife if they were the same men who came last week to make sure we left safely. She didn't know. I do know this: Those officers wanted so badly to have a signed and delivered Protective Order that night so they could put him in cuffs and give him what NC law provides for women in an abusive situation. They would not have done what they did, and driven some 20 miles to see my daughter face-to-face, had they not cared for what they do more than just getting a paycheck.
Nash County is blessed with officers who care. When we left under their protection they said, "We have more of these situations right now than you can imagine!"
The tight economy has everyone's nerves on edge. People who are in bad relationships can expect to be the punching bag for spouses who are more concerned about money than love.
How I wish he had been shown and taught love as he grew up. I am convinced he could be a different spouse to my daughter, and father to our grandsons.
His parents claimed to them he was gone for the weekend. They could not go through the door to search for him. Those parents have already received a letter from my daughter's lawyer with a copy of the order enclosed. It cautions them from uttering derogatory comments about her or her parents.
We think he might be visiting his brother to lay low. His brother lives near Wilmington, a 2.5 hour drive away, but who knows. They have lied before for the bad boy they created in a home of hatred and criticism.
The sight of the Deputies did my daughter a world of good. She feels protected and cared for by our law enforcement. It is rare when officers, without being called and pushed, go ahead and do their job.
I asked my wife if they were the same men who came last week to make sure we left safely. She didn't know. I do know this: Those officers wanted so badly to have a signed and delivered Protective Order that night so they could put him in cuffs and give him what NC law provides for women in an abusive situation. They would not have done what they did, and driven some 20 miles to see my daughter face-to-face, had they not cared for what they do more than just getting a paycheck.
Nash County is blessed with officers who care. When we left under their protection they said, "We have more of these situations right now than you can imagine!"
The tight economy has everyone's nerves on edge. People who are in bad relationships can expect to be the punching bag for spouses who are more concerned about money than love.
How I wish he had been shown and taught love as he grew up. I am convinced he could be a different spouse to my daughter, and father to our grandsons.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
It's Thursday and--he got out last night!
I just talked with my wife for an update on things with our daughter. I came home yesterday afternoon to the low temperatures by the Pamlico. We are looking for some snow overnight tonight. B-u-r-r-r-r!
The hospital called my daughter last night to inform her he had checked out--to whom and exactly where, we do not know. Sara had talked with him when he called sometime yesterday. He was chuckling that he had smashed the windshield of my truck and put a couple of good sized dents in it before having it towed. Additionally, he had trashed the inside and scattered papers, notes, and important things all over the floorboard. His only question was: "What did your dad say about his truck?"
There was not one dab of remorse or humanity showing. This tells my daughter the most important thing she needs to know: The man has not changed and checked out far too soon to have any real effect from whatever treatment he might have gotten.
It leads me to conclude that, at this point, we just have a slightly caged beast still trying to show "he is the man." NOT!!!!!
A friend asked Sara yesterday, "Do you want to risk him picking up any or all the boys and driving his car off a cliff to show you can't have them?" Is Sara ever thinking between that question and what he did to my truck.
Her answer is: "HELL NO!" She is just that mad and should be! The locks have been changed on the house. Her Protective Order has not yet been served. A letter has been sent to his parents along with the Order by Sara's lawyer. He should be served today if all goes well. Thereafter, any hostile calls, words, or actions will get him the cuffs and jail cell.
They are all asking why he is focusing his anger so much on me. I know the answer.
It is because I am the male figure in his wife's life who is protecting her and standing up, at long last, to him. If he wants to focus on me, it's OK. In fact, it is welcomed. I can take whatever he should choose to say. I am strong enough to defend myself if the Deputies are not present. He may try to get me, but he will get more than he bargained for. I may be old, but I deal with dangerous trees every day I work, and I always come up with ways to take them down without damage to myself or the customer's property.
Another source of his wrath is the fact every time he has come in and found the children there along with me, they are cuddled around me and being treated with love to which they are responding. Some weeks ago when I was there and the twins, age 5, were too sick to go to school, Sara asked if she should call their dad or would they be OK with Pa Pa. "Pa Pa!!!" was their cry and we had a great day together playing and snuggling. Do they ever need such treatment from a man they can trust. I also encourage some "boy things" Momma and Gam would never allow. God help any boy totally raised and controlled by a women. They don't quite know how to lighten up nor how to get really tough as needed, in my opinion--it's just my "man thang."
Well, we will see what today holds. Lonya will keep me posted and I do have enough fuel this time to make the 1.5 hour trip to my daughter's house, if necessary. Let's hope it will not be.
My job I was to do today has been put off by 2 weeks although I am despirate for any money I can make. The ice storm predicted 5 days ago is quickly degenerating to some light snow overnight tonight and east of I-95. Not exactly a crisis with downed trees everywhere----darn!!!
The hospital called my daughter last night to inform her he had checked out--to whom and exactly where, we do not know. Sara had talked with him when he called sometime yesterday. He was chuckling that he had smashed the windshield of my truck and put a couple of good sized dents in it before having it towed. Additionally, he had trashed the inside and scattered papers, notes, and important things all over the floorboard. His only question was: "What did your dad say about his truck?"
There was not one dab of remorse or humanity showing. This tells my daughter the most important thing she needs to know: The man has not changed and checked out far too soon to have any real effect from whatever treatment he might have gotten.
It leads me to conclude that, at this point, we just have a slightly caged beast still trying to show "he is the man." NOT!!!!!
A friend asked Sara yesterday, "Do you want to risk him picking up any or all the boys and driving his car off a cliff to show you can't have them?" Is Sara ever thinking between that question and what he did to my truck.
Her answer is: "HELL NO!" She is just that mad and should be! The locks have been changed on the house. Her Protective Order has not yet been served. A letter has been sent to his parents along with the Order by Sara's lawyer. He should be served today if all goes well. Thereafter, any hostile calls, words, or actions will get him the cuffs and jail cell.
They are all asking why he is focusing his anger so much on me. I know the answer.
It is because I am the male figure in his wife's life who is protecting her and standing up, at long last, to him. If he wants to focus on me, it's OK. In fact, it is welcomed. I can take whatever he should choose to say. I am strong enough to defend myself if the Deputies are not present. He may try to get me, but he will get more than he bargained for. I may be old, but I deal with dangerous trees every day I work, and I always come up with ways to take them down without damage to myself or the customer's property.
Another source of his wrath is the fact every time he has come in and found the children there along with me, they are cuddled around me and being treated with love to which they are responding. Some weeks ago when I was there and the twins, age 5, were too sick to go to school, Sara asked if she should call their dad or would they be OK with Pa Pa. "Pa Pa!!!" was their cry and we had a great day together playing and snuggling. Do they ever need such treatment from a man they can trust. I also encourage some "boy things" Momma and Gam would never allow. God help any boy totally raised and controlled by a women. They don't quite know how to lighten up nor how to get really tough as needed, in my opinion--it's just my "man thang."
Well, we will see what today holds. Lonya will keep me posted and I do have enough fuel this time to make the 1.5 hour trip to my daughter's house, if necessary. Let's hope it will not be.
My job I was to do today has been put off by 2 weeks although I am despirate for any money I can make. The ice storm predicted 5 days ago is quickly degenerating to some light snow overnight tonight and east of I-95. Not exactly a crisis with downed trees everywhere----darn!!!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It's Friday, But Sunday's Coming!
Tony Compolo is one of the most inspiring preachers around these days. He is brim full of life's experiences and has a capacity for analysis and communication rarely Found among preachers. Some years ago, at Furman University, he spoke and rendered a sermon. You see, he is also the Associate Pastor in a large black church in addition to his duties at Easern University in Philadelphia.
It's Title I borrowed for this post. It is one of the most moving sermons on the Crucifixion and Easter I have ever heard. That title rings throughout as the preacher recounts every event of the Crucifixion from the carrying of the cross to nails, to a crown of thorns, to spear thrust into Jesus' side. The last description is that Jesus died---he then pauses---the audience is so caught up in the chant of "It's Friday" when he said it, we could not help but complete in loud unison: "BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!"
This is how I felt as Sara packed everything, Gam got in the car last, I held the dog, and they pulled off for home. It was Friday, New Year's Day, and Sunday's coming! She is armed with an iron clad Protective Order. The first thing they did after cleaning up more in the house was to put the new locks on every outside door. Now it will take him at least 5 minutes to get in. If he has, by some chance, not been served the Protective Order and cons his way out of the hospital, the Deputies will be there to serve him so that the next time he makes a threatening phone call to any of us or steps on the property he gets cuffs and a jail cell--no if's, and's, or but's!
I just got off the phone to hear what happened with the boys last night. The oldest got invited to a friend's house to sleep overnight. The whole day back at the house was constant turmoil among the boys. Bad behaviour ruled. Finally, it was bed time.
The middle boy had already "hit the ceiling" over his brother leaving. He is his protector and comfort despite the rivalry. Lonya talked with him and decided they would sleep together so he would feel safe. When Sara put the twins down, they were fearful, but she told them all the locks were changed and only she and Gam had the key. Daddy could not get in. They went right to sleep. Jack twisted and turned and dreamed all night, but he did get a night's sleep with Gam by his side. They didn't even finish the wrestling match on TV he dearly loves before falling to sleep.
Sara is taking the boys to school Monday. She has decided to talk with the Principals so they know what the Protective Order reads and they have a copy handy should he make the mistake of showing up at school. He will immediately be arrested and each of our schools now has a Security Officer on campus--it is a sad commentary on what is going on at schools these days. Sara is also going to request the Guidance Counselors have some sessions with each boy. If that does not help we will get them to a good friend who is one of the finest Psychologists in our town. We used to be neighbors so he knows us. We are blessed.
I will get further reports during today and decide whether to go there tonight or tomorrow. I just don't want to miss my GT Yellow Jackets next Tuesday at the Orange Bowl, but that is a secondary concern. There are always replays should I miss it.
My truck he had towed from his house cost my daughter better than $200 down the rat hole. It is at a friend's garage so I can replace the burned out starter. I have a job in the area scheduled for next Thursday. It's not big, but it is a little money because we are down to our last $20 between us and Lonya does not get paid until the end of next week. God has taken care of us using us, a good lawyer, a judge with compassion and common sense, and one of the finest Sheriff's Offices in the state. As the Sheriff said when I called to thank him: "My Deputies make me look good and I am glad to have them."
"It's Friday Night ......BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!"
It's Title I borrowed for this post. It is one of the most moving sermons on the Crucifixion and Easter I have ever heard. That title rings throughout as the preacher recounts every event of the Crucifixion from the carrying of the cross to nails, to a crown of thorns, to spear thrust into Jesus' side. The last description is that Jesus died---he then pauses---the audience is so caught up in the chant of "It's Friday" when he said it, we could not help but complete in loud unison: "BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!"
This is how I felt as Sara packed everything, Gam got in the car last, I held the dog, and they pulled off for home. It was Friday, New Year's Day, and Sunday's coming! She is armed with an iron clad Protective Order. The first thing they did after cleaning up more in the house was to put the new locks on every outside door. Now it will take him at least 5 minutes to get in. If he has, by some chance, not been served the Protective Order and cons his way out of the hospital, the Deputies will be there to serve him so that the next time he makes a threatening phone call to any of us or steps on the property he gets cuffs and a jail cell--no if's, and's, or but's!
I just got off the phone to hear what happened with the boys last night. The oldest got invited to a friend's house to sleep overnight. The whole day back at the house was constant turmoil among the boys. Bad behaviour ruled. Finally, it was bed time.
The middle boy had already "hit the ceiling" over his brother leaving. He is his protector and comfort despite the rivalry. Lonya talked with him and decided they would sleep together so he would feel safe. When Sara put the twins down, they were fearful, but she told them all the locks were changed and only she and Gam had the key. Daddy could not get in. They went right to sleep. Jack twisted and turned and dreamed all night, but he did get a night's sleep with Gam by his side. They didn't even finish the wrestling match on TV he dearly loves before falling to sleep.
Sara is taking the boys to school Monday. She has decided to talk with the Principals so they know what the Protective Order reads and they have a copy handy should he make the mistake of showing up at school. He will immediately be arrested and each of our schools now has a Security Officer on campus--it is a sad commentary on what is going on at schools these days. Sara is also going to request the Guidance Counselors have some sessions with each boy. If that does not help we will get them to a good friend who is one of the finest Psychologists in our town. We used to be neighbors so he knows us. We are blessed.
I will get further reports during today and decide whether to go there tonight or tomorrow. I just don't want to miss my GT Yellow Jackets next Tuesday at the Orange Bowl, but that is a secondary concern. There are always replays should I miss it.
My truck he had towed from his house cost my daughter better than $200 down the rat hole. It is at a friend's garage so I can replace the burned out starter. I have a job in the area scheduled for next Thursday. It's not big, but it is a little money because we are down to our last $20 between us and Lonya does not get paid until the end of next week. God has taken care of us using us, a good lawyer, a judge with compassion and common sense, and one of the finest Sheriff's Offices in the state. As the Sheriff said when I called to thank him: "My Deputies make me look good and I am glad to have them."
"It's Friday Night ......BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!"
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Since Christmas--ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE!!!
This has been a horrible week for my daughter!
We were there for Christmas to insure safety and protection--he was there to haunt and threaten.
Monday afternoon he came stomping in and commanded we leave for a while so he could be with his sons. It was about 2:00 when we left with commands from him that we not return until 5:00. My wife called our daughter and she planned to be home about 5:00 as well.
We came home and started fixing supper. He showed up in a rage. My daughter called the Nash County Sheriff's Department dispatcher while standing outside. He raged at my wife inside the house so loud you could hear him outside. She was not moving an inch!
Shortly 3 Deputies raced up without lights or sirens and they yelled at him not to go inside the house. He went on in and "hit the ceiling" with raging inside. The officers stood close by. They were a calming effect for us--a source of rage for him. Shortly he was 2" from my face raging at me to the point the officers stepped forward with one snapping the Taser in addition to the others telling him to control it or he would be arrested. Everyone but him kept their cool.
He went back around into the den telling them to just shoot him and get it over! Then he hit the floor so hard it shook the house and began to beat his head, fists, and feet on the floor like a 5 year old. Finally they escorted him outside while we threw a few things together, turned off the stove on supper, and gave the boys a little to eat.
Within 30 minutes his car returned and raced across the yard leaving deep tracks. There he was raging from outside the car with its headlights shining on the front door. My daughter was calling her lawyer for advice. I was calling the Deputies back. They were there in about 5 minutes.
My daughter's lawyer was advising her to stay in the house lest she be accused of abandoning it and he could say he owned it. She was to the point I have never seen a woman--dazed and confused, trying to think, screaming at anyone trying to comfort or give advice. Finally she collapsed into my wife's arms and sobbed on her shoulders.
We left the house after the Deputy looked my daughter in the eye and said, "For your own safety, just leave and go somewhere safe. We will vouch that you left this house for your safety and did not abandon it."
My daughter heard that kind officer clearly. When none of us could convince her she should leave along with the boys and us, his words penetrated the confusion.
We exited with him sitting in his car as the (5 now) Deputies stood around his car. As the boys left he was saying, "Bye, boys, I love you." They did not know what to make of it all. They were all in tears and so were we. After going to the hospital parking lot where my wife works, we met again and decided the Bayview Cottage 1.5 hours away was a better place--and the dog could be there too. My daughter was driving so fast down the 4-lane with her children that I got in front and slowed down so we would not get a ticket. We were safer, but we were not yet to safety of the cottage. There, if he followed us, he would be trespassing if he set his foot on my property. We have an equally efficient Sheriff's Department where we live.
The next day our daughter had to go back to her work as Manager of a big store. It was "exchange and return items" time at the store.
Within a few hours our daughter was calling: he had baracaided himself in the house and his parents had had him taken by the Deputies to our local Emergency Room where they quickly transferred him to one of our State Mental Hospitals. The parents wanted our daughter to meet with them and decide what to do. According to them, he had "destroyed" the inside of the house, broken several bones in his hands, and was found sitting on the couch with a knife by his side and a 5 gallon gas can by his side.
My daughter decided, wisely, not to meet with them. She had been unable to do anything with him for 15 years. They had had him for 20+ years and created this monster who does not know how to love--starting with himself. It was their turn to deal with it alone and not blame her for what happened.
Again, my daughter was in emotional turmoil. She had a court time for a Judge to decide on a protective order and possible immediate divorce with no right for her husband except to pay in a timely fashion what was decided for alimony, child support, and what to do with a "destroyed" house.
At 3:00 my daughter, accompanied by 4 friends and Deputy, went to the house. Fortunately they did not find much more damage than had already been done to slammed, broken, and fist beaten doors. So, if he had broken fingers and was bleeding, as described by the parents, why was there no blood everywhere? There was no gas can or knife left behind. Was it another momma-made-up story or what? A later phone call from parents to my daughter got the confession from them that they had moved evidence and put the knife and gas can back where they belonged. Were they lying about him being committed?
A phone call to the hospital and Sheriff's Office gave her assurance he was behind locked doors at the mental facility and hour's drive away. Would he con doctors and nurses to get out again? He had committed himself a few weeks ago and was out in 3 days with supposed medication and an appointment to come in for further discussions with a Doctor.
My daughter is taking no more chances. The Judge has signed the protective order which will be served to him at the hospital with plenty of Staff around should he choose to go crazy again. No parents will be there to tell it otherwise. It will be in the hands of each teacher for each boy at school. It will be in the hands of after school providers. Already the Deputies have proven they can be to the place of trouble, and none is more than 5 minutes from a Sheriff's car and several very dedicated and trained officers.
They begged her to get everything leagal, because in Nash County we take protection and peacemaking of citizens very seriously! Thanks to all who have helped my daughter in recent days: good Lawyer / Deputies / Judge / and, I hope, good parents.
We were there for Christmas to insure safety and protection--he was there to haunt and threaten.
Monday afternoon he came stomping in and commanded we leave for a while so he could be with his sons. It was about 2:00 when we left with commands from him that we not return until 5:00. My wife called our daughter and she planned to be home about 5:00 as well.
We came home and started fixing supper. He showed up in a rage. My daughter called the Nash County Sheriff's Department dispatcher while standing outside. He raged at my wife inside the house so loud you could hear him outside. She was not moving an inch!
Shortly 3 Deputies raced up without lights or sirens and they yelled at him not to go inside the house. He went on in and "hit the ceiling" with raging inside. The officers stood close by. They were a calming effect for us--a source of rage for him. Shortly he was 2" from my face raging at me to the point the officers stepped forward with one snapping the Taser in addition to the others telling him to control it or he would be arrested. Everyone but him kept their cool.
He went back around into the den telling them to just shoot him and get it over! Then he hit the floor so hard it shook the house and began to beat his head, fists, and feet on the floor like a 5 year old. Finally they escorted him outside while we threw a few things together, turned off the stove on supper, and gave the boys a little to eat.
Within 30 minutes his car returned and raced across the yard leaving deep tracks. There he was raging from outside the car with its headlights shining on the front door. My daughter was calling her lawyer for advice. I was calling the Deputies back. They were there in about 5 minutes.
My daughter's lawyer was advising her to stay in the house lest she be accused of abandoning it and he could say he owned it. She was to the point I have never seen a woman--dazed and confused, trying to think, screaming at anyone trying to comfort or give advice. Finally she collapsed into my wife's arms and sobbed on her shoulders.
We left the house after the Deputy looked my daughter in the eye and said, "For your own safety, just leave and go somewhere safe. We will vouch that you left this house for your safety and did not abandon it."
My daughter heard that kind officer clearly. When none of us could convince her she should leave along with the boys and us, his words penetrated the confusion.
We exited with him sitting in his car as the (5 now) Deputies stood around his car. As the boys left he was saying, "Bye, boys, I love you." They did not know what to make of it all. They were all in tears and so were we. After going to the hospital parking lot where my wife works, we met again and decided the Bayview Cottage 1.5 hours away was a better place--and the dog could be there too. My daughter was driving so fast down the 4-lane with her children that I got in front and slowed down so we would not get a ticket. We were safer, but we were not yet to safety of the cottage. There, if he followed us, he would be trespassing if he set his foot on my property. We have an equally efficient Sheriff's Department where we live.
The next day our daughter had to go back to her work as Manager of a big store. It was "exchange and return items" time at the store.
Within a few hours our daughter was calling: he had baracaided himself in the house and his parents had had him taken by the Deputies to our local Emergency Room where they quickly transferred him to one of our State Mental Hospitals. The parents wanted our daughter to meet with them and decide what to do. According to them, he had "destroyed" the inside of the house, broken several bones in his hands, and was found sitting on the couch with a knife by his side and a 5 gallon gas can by his side.
My daughter decided, wisely, not to meet with them. She had been unable to do anything with him for 15 years. They had had him for 20+ years and created this monster who does not know how to love--starting with himself. It was their turn to deal with it alone and not blame her for what happened.
Again, my daughter was in emotional turmoil. She had a court time for a Judge to decide on a protective order and possible immediate divorce with no right for her husband except to pay in a timely fashion what was decided for alimony, child support, and what to do with a "destroyed" house.
At 3:00 my daughter, accompanied by 4 friends and Deputy, went to the house. Fortunately they did not find much more damage than had already been done to slammed, broken, and fist beaten doors. So, if he had broken fingers and was bleeding, as described by the parents, why was there no blood everywhere? There was no gas can or knife left behind. Was it another momma-made-up story or what? A later phone call from parents to my daughter got the confession from them that they had moved evidence and put the knife and gas can back where they belonged. Were they lying about him being committed?
A phone call to the hospital and Sheriff's Office gave her assurance he was behind locked doors at the mental facility and hour's drive away. Would he con doctors and nurses to get out again? He had committed himself a few weeks ago and was out in 3 days with supposed medication and an appointment to come in for further discussions with a Doctor.
My daughter is taking no more chances. The Judge has signed the protective order which will be served to him at the hospital with plenty of Staff around should he choose to go crazy again. No parents will be there to tell it otherwise. It will be in the hands of each teacher for each boy at school. It will be in the hands of after school providers. Already the Deputies have proven they can be to the place of trouble, and none is more than 5 minutes from a Sheriff's car and several very dedicated and trained officers.
They begged her to get everything leagal, because in Nash County we take protection and peacemaking of citizens very seriously! Thanks to all who have helped my daughter in recent days: good Lawyer / Deputies / Judge / and, I hope, good parents.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Christmas Day at Daughter's house
I am back home enjoying a lovely, sunny, warmer day at Bayview Cottage. I got home in time to feed the dogs and see what new bills I can't pay had arrived. At least there were no hidden surprises!
As I rode home last night by myself I reflected on what had taken place from Christmas Eve to the time I left about 5:00.
Christmas Eve:
Daddy arrived to bring all kinds of toys and try to, once again, bribe his boys and wife. The boys were thrilled. My daughter was further turned off. He had thought he would lure her to the marital bed once more. Lonya and I had already blown up the air mattress beside our daughter's bed. That should have been a first sign that the room was off limits. Shortly after we retired early our daughter came in. Fully clothed she hit the sack with a huff and sigh of relief--she had made it through Christmas Eve and left him putting out Santa and deciding where he would sleep.
The Separation Papers were in Wednesday and he had insisted in coming over to review them with her. He left in a huff saying he would sign nothing. Sara told us he had done just what she expected, but she figured he would come around. All things not initiated by him get a huffy retort first. After blowing off, he usually did what she wanted him to do. We will see.
Next, before daybreak, was the running and squealing excitement of the 5 year old twins. We went to the den to find more things than any 5 children might get if only there were one. In this case about $2,000 worth of "stuff" was all over the den and quickly opened. He had left to get batteries--you would think after all these years, this man would learn how important batteries are, but he learns nothing!
Soon most of the presents were opened. After a struggle with all those things Oriental, we were, once again, reminded of how the Oriental toy makers are getting even with American parents these days--the Atom bomb with all its "fail safes" has no more steps to launch than any parent does to unwrap, un-twisted tie, remove holding screws to packages, put in batteries so that an excited child can finally use that 1 toy brought by Santa. Oh My God, there were only 10 more for each grandson to agitate over.
As the boys were playing, one of the twins ran over and grabbed the middle child's toy. Old Jack launched his attack and put the little guy to the floor sliding about 5' while Daddy did nothing. I hollered, "Woah!" and Daddy launched his anger at me: "Don't you EVER YELL AT ONE OF MY BOYS!!!!!!" All suddenly fell silent as he glared at me.
I simply walked to the edge of the kitchen and said, "Sorry about that, bud."
At the same time Lonya gave him her "laser cutting steel with flaming green eyes" look. God help the soul of anyone getting "THAT LOOK!" She didn't let it drop for one second as he made his way to the door to leave in a huff. On the way out he told my daughter he was angry and was sorry he said what he did. The gutless wonder should have said it to me, but does not have enough manhood to look the one he wronged in the eye--ever.
"That's OK," I assured my wife. "I would rather he took it out on me than any of the children, their mother, or you. I could tell by his look and sauntering ways that someone was going to get it sooner of later. Heck, a tree could really kill me and words are nothing--especially out of him." The agonies of Christmas day were over and he would have the privilege of taking 4 sugar candy / cookie (yeah, we let them eat all they wanted) boys to his mother's house. He didn't even have the guts to come back and pick them up--momma came instead--claiming his medicine had kicked in and he wasn't feeling so well.
My God, his momma is ugly these days! I watched her from the carport as I smoked my pipe. I had cracked a blind so I could take a good look at the pickup. Actually, she has cut her gray hair short for the last year. She always has a mean expression on her face and her nose is sharp and pointy to a fault. If they ever remake the "Wizard of Oz" they can hire her as the Wicked Witch of the West. All they have to do is give her a pointy hat, broom, and coat of green spray dye to make the character come to life. Unfortunately, my son-in-law has lived with her all his life--hence his lack of love for himself. It was hard for my daughter not to yell out the door: "Good luck with his boys carrying out his attitude with sugar hyped energy!"
He has an official diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. This is our latest PC way of describing people who are mean and explosive after appearing to be somewhat nice: if you were a SOB 20 years ago, you are now Bipolar!!! Doesn't that sound nice.
Over all, our few days together were more nice than naughty. The boys are noticeably more well-behaved. Now we only hear about 2 obscene words a day rather than 2 per hour! Also a brother fight breaks out about once a day instead of every hour. We are making progress!
Only thing needed now is a signature on that Separation Document, properly notarized, and--as her lawyer says--she will be in charge (wicked grin on lawyer's face)!!!
As I rode home last night by myself I reflected on what had taken place from Christmas Eve to the time I left about 5:00.
Christmas Eve:
Daddy arrived to bring all kinds of toys and try to, once again, bribe his boys and wife. The boys were thrilled. My daughter was further turned off. He had thought he would lure her to the marital bed once more. Lonya and I had already blown up the air mattress beside our daughter's bed. That should have been a first sign that the room was off limits. Shortly after we retired early our daughter came in. Fully clothed she hit the sack with a huff and sigh of relief--she had made it through Christmas Eve and left him putting out Santa and deciding where he would sleep.
The Separation Papers were in Wednesday and he had insisted in coming over to review them with her. He left in a huff saying he would sign nothing. Sara told us he had done just what she expected, but she figured he would come around. All things not initiated by him get a huffy retort first. After blowing off, he usually did what she wanted him to do. We will see.
Next, before daybreak, was the running and squealing excitement of the 5 year old twins. We went to the den to find more things than any 5 children might get if only there were one. In this case about $2,000 worth of "stuff" was all over the den and quickly opened. He had left to get batteries--you would think after all these years, this man would learn how important batteries are, but he learns nothing!
Soon most of the presents were opened. After a struggle with all those things Oriental, we were, once again, reminded of how the Oriental toy makers are getting even with American parents these days--the Atom bomb with all its "fail safes" has no more steps to launch than any parent does to unwrap, un-twisted tie, remove holding screws to packages, put in batteries so that an excited child can finally use that 1 toy brought by Santa. Oh My God, there were only 10 more for each grandson to agitate over.
As the boys were playing, one of the twins ran over and grabbed the middle child's toy. Old Jack launched his attack and put the little guy to the floor sliding about 5' while Daddy did nothing. I hollered, "Woah!" and Daddy launched his anger at me: "Don't you EVER YELL AT ONE OF MY BOYS!!!!!!" All suddenly fell silent as he glared at me.
I simply walked to the edge of the kitchen and said, "Sorry about that, bud."
At the same time Lonya gave him her "laser cutting steel with flaming green eyes" look. God help the soul of anyone getting "THAT LOOK!" She didn't let it drop for one second as he made his way to the door to leave in a huff. On the way out he told my daughter he was angry and was sorry he said what he did. The gutless wonder should have said it to me, but does not have enough manhood to look the one he wronged in the eye--ever.
"That's OK," I assured my wife. "I would rather he took it out on me than any of the children, their mother, or you. I could tell by his look and sauntering ways that someone was going to get it sooner of later. Heck, a tree could really kill me and words are nothing--especially out of him." The agonies of Christmas day were over and he would have the privilege of taking 4 sugar candy / cookie (yeah, we let them eat all they wanted) boys to his mother's house. He didn't even have the guts to come back and pick them up--momma came instead--claiming his medicine had kicked in and he wasn't feeling so well.
My God, his momma is ugly these days! I watched her from the carport as I smoked my pipe. I had cracked a blind so I could take a good look at the pickup. Actually, she has cut her gray hair short for the last year. She always has a mean expression on her face and her nose is sharp and pointy to a fault. If they ever remake the "Wizard of Oz" they can hire her as the Wicked Witch of the West. All they have to do is give her a pointy hat, broom, and coat of green spray dye to make the character come to life. Unfortunately, my son-in-law has lived with her all his life--hence his lack of love for himself. It was hard for my daughter not to yell out the door: "Good luck with his boys carrying out his attitude with sugar hyped energy!"
He has an official diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. This is our latest PC way of describing people who are mean and explosive after appearing to be somewhat nice: if you were a SOB 20 years ago, you are now Bipolar!!! Doesn't that sound nice.
Over all, our few days together were more nice than naughty. The boys are noticeably more well-behaved. Now we only hear about 2 obscene words a day rather than 2 per hour! Also a brother fight breaks out about once a day instead of every hour. We are making progress!
Only thing needed now is a signature on that Separation Document, properly notarized, and--as her lawyer says--she will be in charge (wicked grin on lawyer's face)!!!
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