There are 3 days left until New Years Eve. Sunday begins the New Year!
It has been an interesting one for me. I have covered events up to summer. Our end of summer came with Hurricane Irene. It brought work. Work brought machine repairs neglected for 4 years with more in the wings as each machine still has a major problem: truck / Bobcat / Chipper / Stump Cutter. Nowhere near profitable yet after 4 years in a wasteland economy.
My 93-year-old mother has moved to a more round-the-clock care facility. Thank God she wisely bought a Long Term Care Insurance policy which protects what little nest egg she has from the busted economy and investment delines in the 40% range! Anyone not having such good sense is guaranteed to be, either poorly cared for, or a serious burden on the family trying to supplement the cost of care or provide it themselves.
We celebrated Christmas with our daughter and her 4 boys. It was the first one in 3 years in the "normal" range. The boys are much improved. They still have Lonya helping. She is giving a stability their mother cannot provide. Sara became manager of the Bed, Bath, and Beyond store in Greenville, NC. This means longer travel hours and more time away from her boys. They are slowly becoming a little more responsible for helping with the house and TC loves to help prepare the noon meal when everyone is at home. They are lucky to have such a caring Gam! With Sara's disturbance she needs a mother as much as the boys.
The sun is now rising on a beautiful and calm Pamlico River. The glory of the sun rising and setting on this river is beyond verbal description. You would never imagine the terror and destruction of the Hurricane a few months ago.
Our cottage has been here since the early 50's. Never, in all that time, has water gotten closer to it than 3' beneath. We were right here as the eye of the hurricane passed across the river from us. It was wind in the 80 mph range, but it slowed down and pushed water from the Pamlico Sound up and under us. This time it came within 1" of the sub-floor. It took out all the insulation we had painfully installed. Water was splashing under the door facing the River and against the asbestos siding! We were going outside every 20 minutes to raise the generator higher and higher. The pictures are posted on Facebook---and they are dramatic!
As the water finally started receeding, we had 4-6' breakers crashing in the yard. A number of houses at lower levels had water going through them. Just up our street toward the Sound water was almost waist deep. Toward Bath it was the same and we were almost cut off from escape! There was still a route out, but limbs and trees were obstacles there. It was comforting to know I had my machinery and saws right here if I had to make an emergency exit!
We know our house must be raised by 10' to be safe in the future. We had no insurance including flood so we are in clear FEMA coverage territory. Thus far we have gotten $700+ in emergency funds. Our damages required an application to the Small Business Administration for help---that was denied. This puts us into FEMA Grant territory which is now in the processing stage. We are asking for $52,000 to cover the cost of the required high water survey / engineering plans for the raising / a concrete slab with hurricane resistant support and new roof. The details will kill you to put together plus the cost in money we do not have for the already done survey and engineering. It is a journey into faith for us!
I had placed a zip line for the boys last summer. The starting post on the beach reaches some 12' into the air and ends at a large post in the water. They enjoyed it at end of summer. Dilyn is the only one with courage enough for the full ride! When he hit the water for the first time he rose sputtering, "Pa Pa is a genious!!!!" Music to any grandfather's ears!
The high water survey mark is half way up that 12' post! It surveyed to exactly the same height of the actual flood. It was based on old records for high water plus some extra feet to insure safety in building margins above old water records. The inland marker is at the base of a light pole half way to the street from our house. That was exactly where the water reached after going under the house.
We have a good contractor giving us a reasonable bid for the process. Our greatest fear is that we have to live in it as it is raised. Thus far, most of the houses raised have sat for weeks on temporary supports until concrete could be poured, supports set, and the house lowered to its final resting position. When finished, we will have a bird's eye view of the River from the deck that must be built. We have a total ultimate ending point above $100,000 to be worked out---again in faith.
My work dramatically increased as trees were on houses and stumps uprooted everywhere. It paused abruptly 3 weeks ago as Christmas wants exceeded tree needs.
Across the River from us, near Arora, some communities went totally under with houses washed off their foundations. Bridges are having to be rebuilt. The areas of greatest destruction were on points of land closest to the Sound. Compared to them, we are more than fortunate! Most of the riverside cottages around here belong to working folks like us. We can't afford them without keeping them up ourselves. It is a "poor man's paradise."
For sure, next year will be another adventure when life should be stable and slowing down to a retirement pace. I doubt that will ever be the case for us. On the other hand, who wants to just sit and rust away playing cards and drinking youself to death's door?
As Dumas wrote: "It was the worst of times and best of times."
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Turning Age 65
It’s 3:00 am, March 23, I’m actually turning 65 today. There ought to be something profound to say so what is it? (first sign of Alzheimer’s)
I am by myself. My wife is with our daughter whose husband is gone by way of divorce. He was invited out because he loved his drugs and himself more than his wife and 4 boys. They are recovering and will be OK. Our son is in Oregon with the USCG. He has some family troubles, but it is well within reason. Life is never as perfect as we wished!
It is a good time for reflection. The computer makes typing go at the speed of light. Soft music is playing on the TV which is receiving a signal from a satellite flying in space high overhead. The moon is at it’s closest point to earth since 1993. It is full and bright. Spring officially came 2 days ago. My hemisphere is warming. Flowers are blooming. Breezes are blowing. Beautiful women are putting on their sunny clothes and removing the total cover of winter. March is a good month--at least the end days!
I am beside the Pamlico River in Eastern NC. I started my journey at a hospital in Greenville, SC. My father was Pastor of First Baptist Church of Liberty, SC. My mother and he had married in April of 1945. All the ladies of the church were counting the months to see if she was pregnant when they married. The townspeople were disappointed they didn’t have one on the Preacher. My parents were rejoicing at their first child being a boy. My mother was livid that church people are so judgmental.
Over the space of 12 years they would have another son born the following March 3, a daughter born 6 years later and another born 12 years later. So I grew up with a brother chasing my tail. For 20 days he rejoiced in being the same age as me. We have fun with that every year. I am the eldest and most of the time it was fun. All of us are well. My brother lost his wife to a rare cancer. My oldest sister got lung cancer, but has a good prognosis. My youngest sister has gotten super religion in recent years. I’m not sure which is worse: severe religion or severe cancer. My wife and I have added to the Scarborough / Williams clan a total of 9 grandchildren. Those children are all producing their own families so we are all grandparents now. We are the Baby boomers!
Life has changed over 65 years in the United States of America. Some things never change. 1945 brought the end to WWII with 2 atomic blasts to Japan. In the last few weeks Japan has suffered a terrible earthquake and tsunami. They have 4 nuclear reactors badly damaged with fears of meltdown. Such could send the reactor cores to the core of the earth, but, by the skin on their teeth, it seems to be under control. What would happen if the molten core of the earth suffered such an human assault? Could it explode? That would take care of all the predictors of the end of time for us humans! Our country is now at war in the Middle East. Nuclear weapons are all over the world. Terrorists hijacked 4 commercial aircraft and flew them into the World Trade Center / Pentagon / through passenger bravery the 4th did not hit its intended target, The White House. The Middle East and Japan were troubled areas when I was born and they still are now. Hitler and Germany had been conquered. The Japanese had been nuked. America was at the height of its world power when I was born. Roosevelt had died in office and Truman was my first President. I didn’t know much more than nursing my momma, dirtying my diaper, and developing my ability to make my hands and feet do as my brain told them. They didn’t always do as commanded, but I was trying!
Things have changed, but not really all that much with the basics: new babies born / old people dying / mankind trying to cope with---well, just being human as God created us.
So what can I say about change and life in my 65 years on this “3rd rock from the sun?” I have had 3 careers: Minister / Life Underwriter / owner of a Tree Surgery Company. I am the father of 2 children / husband of one wife / broke in a busted economy / living in the oldest town in NC / sitting beside the river where Blackbeard came to visit---and before him explorers came to the New World. Indians lived on the same dirt I occupy now. They had no clue there was another Old World across the ocean and people from that place would bring them dread diseases and conquest. The Pamlico tribes lived a life of gathering food / making babies / fighting other tribes / having a religion / knowing how to use the things of nature to survive and fight their own diseases. People are people who live, love, hate, eat, make babies, die. Life has not changed at its core from the dawn of mankind. A land bridge brought humans from Asia to America. They spread from the west as the white man had spread from the east upon sailing a dangerous ocean to escape from the bad things going on in England and Europe. The poor were being used. The rich were trying to get richer. Governments wanted all their people to be obedient and submissive. They were not!!!
If the earth were a movie attended for an entire year and watched by us, the presence of man in that movie would take place in the last 10 minutes! My time here would be a nano-second in comparison, but it has been interesting and it’s not over yet!
I am a citizen of the Southeast: born in SC / lived in NC / settled in Atlanta, GA, in 1953. It grew into the largest metropolis east of the Mississippi and south of the Mason-Dixon Line. The little caution-light crossroad of Clarkston is now engulfed with people. The same school which graduated 63 in 1963 now graduates some 400 each year. We were all “lily white” in my day. There was a beautiful Japanese girl, Patty Kato, in my class. In the 7th Grade someone called her a Jap and the teacher ate us up for using a term of prejudice. The black kids of that community attended their own school and churches. No one there was a foreigner. Now Clarkston is populated with people from India / Mexicans and Puerto Ricans and a large black contingent. Simple white folks from the mill village and working classes are now a conglomeration from around the world. Life goes on with people seeking a better opportunity.
After Clarkston I finished Emory University with a degree in Psychology. I was going to be a PhD Psychologist. I had preached to my teddy bears just like my daddy, but I had seen him brutally treated and fired. I watched him initiate a ministry to the Fulton County Juvenile Court as well as a new mission church. He refused to become bitter nor stop being a minister. He calling was real and lasted to his final day on this earth. He was my idol and hero. He lived what he preached and insisted I do the same along with my brother and sisters. He has such high ideals. He was the son of a dirt poor Tenant Farmer. He hitch hiked to Mercer in Macon, GA, from the farm near Athens, GA. His great grandfather was reputed to the be wealthiest man in Madison County as the official “brewer of spirits” for Federal troops stationed there before the Civil War. He lost everything and my grandfather, Charles Newton Scarborough, played with chests full of worthless Confederate money. He died a premature death and daddy had to drop out of school and run the farm. His ideals were un-stoppable. They were deep in debt, but in 3 years they became solvent with his spendthrift and hard management. He literally went from rags to riches in his lifetime. He left mother comfortable with an investment portfolio and her own retirement. That money has been split between us 4 children now. Some of us are secure. Others are still struggling. I am a struggler, but I am happy.
Daddy was obsessed with getting far away from poverty. I have done OK, but I have tended to be more generous and have very little in riches. I am rich with friends and people I have helped along the way. I am the example of the American Golden Dream becoming a nightmare. I was told if you got a good education (graduated a year early from High School), worked hard (I cut grass from age 10 to save for college and worked as a trim carpenter, Nurses Aide, Director of Juvenile Rehabilitation with the Wake County, NC, Juvenile Court), and be honest = success.
Well, honesty in Baptist church ministry got me fired twice. Honesty in Insurance kept me from being the “best salesman in the company,” but I did OK. Hurricane Floyd ruined my insurance business so I started a company to cut and heal trees. It did great for 7 years until the “Recession” hit in 2007. For me it was a “Depression” since my earning suddenly became 30% of what they had been previously. I lost my house, but was fortunate to have the Bayview Cottage as a result of early distribution of my inheritance. We went from a 3 story brick home on 4 acres of land with a beautiful artesian-fed pond in the woods. It was our dream home. It is “Gone with the Wind” along with my private retirement savings. I have had it proved to me that dishonesty wins / telling people what they want to hear from the Pulpit is safe / chucking and jiving in money management makes you a member of the Million Dollar Roundtable (for some).
In every field of work there are some who are crooked and “succeed” while there are others who are the “real deal” and may or may not succeed. I have known both honest and dishonest people throughout my life. I will still stick with doing your best to be honest. At the least, you sleep good at night and die with a clear conscience!
It is almost 5:00 a.m. and time to draw this treatise to a close. Reading about other people is most interesting to the one writing it, but gets tedious for those having to read it. Camus in “The Plague” had Jean Paul Clemence utter a famous sentence: “I have had one great love in my life---of which I was always the object!” Rudyard Kipling wrote “IF” which has been a source of inspiration and guidance. Tielhard de Chedan wrote: “Life is either a daring adventure---or it is nothing!” Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind---and your neighbor as yourself.” Those tidbits come to mind.
Man, age 65 sounded so old back as I grew up!
My granddaddy Williams was in his fifties when I found him to be the “best old man I knew.” He loved his farm, mules, cows, children and grandchildren. I remember the smile on his face as he drove into the yard at noon for lunch riding his mule-drawn cultivator. He could do wonders with that implement and 2 mules. He was a master farmer and the first County Agent for Pickens County, SC. He turned gullied red clay hills into productive farm land. He came within a hair of going under during the Depression, but his wife’s family, the Kays, loaned him enough to survive.
My daddy became 65 some years after I got married at age 23 in 1968. He was always the apple of my eye and my greatest source of man inspiration. He failed as a big church preacher, but he ministered with integrity throughout his life. He was gossiped about in his second church because he went to a Roadhouse and ministered to a prostitute who had a botched abortion and almost died, had he not taken her to the hospital. They called him to comfort her in death, but he did things to assure her a future life.
I have worked hard with the same integrity of my forefathers. I have succeeded in some things and failed in others. I had a stroke at age 50 from burning the candle at both ends and in the middle to be successful. After that experience working hard as both a Life Underwriter and Minister, I decided it was time to take better care of myself. If I’m tired, I take a nap. If people aggravate me, I will tell them where to stick “it” in more certain terms. I have learned you don’t have to be nice to everybody nor take it from anybody.
Just do your best and trust God for the rest. Be glad when you have a good wife and children who bring you joy and pride. Especially be glad and grateful when your grandchildren are born healthy and are getting big enough to push in the swing and ride a go-cart and bike. If they love to hunt and fish, be even more grateful. I am blessed with 5 boys and 1 beautiful girl as another generation grows toward adulthood.
Be glad we live in a free country where eventually right prevails over wrong. Our country has failed in Viet Nam and with the assassination of men like JFK / MLK / RFK. War and killing is a bad way to “win the peace” Money is far better spent on medical research and job training than trying to control other countries and nations. We now must find alternative resources for power as oil runs out. Maybe we don’t have to travel so fast and do such much to be happy. I can walk into Bath and have my basic needs met right here beside the River. My grandkids love it and that is what is most important!
Let’s see----when will I be 100!!!! It will be fun as long a I am loved and respected by people I love in return. I am a millionaire more times over than I thought: Health / no wealth / plenty of stories to tell / a God who loves and forgives me / people I can love!
I am by myself. My wife is with our daughter whose husband is gone by way of divorce. He was invited out because he loved his drugs and himself more than his wife and 4 boys. They are recovering and will be OK. Our son is in Oregon with the USCG. He has some family troubles, but it is well within reason. Life is never as perfect as we wished!
It is a good time for reflection. The computer makes typing go at the speed of light. Soft music is playing on the TV which is receiving a signal from a satellite flying in space high overhead. The moon is at it’s closest point to earth since 1993. It is full and bright. Spring officially came 2 days ago. My hemisphere is warming. Flowers are blooming. Breezes are blowing. Beautiful women are putting on their sunny clothes and removing the total cover of winter. March is a good month--at least the end days!
I am beside the Pamlico River in Eastern NC. I started my journey at a hospital in Greenville, SC. My father was Pastor of First Baptist Church of Liberty, SC. My mother and he had married in April of 1945. All the ladies of the church were counting the months to see if she was pregnant when they married. The townspeople were disappointed they didn’t have one on the Preacher. My parents were rejoicing at their first child being a boy. My mother was livid that church people are so judgmental.
Over the space of 12 years they would have another son born the following March 3, a daughter born 6 years later and another born 12 years later. So I grew up with a brother chasing my tail. For 20 days he rejoiced in being the same age as me. We have fun with that every year. I am the eldest and most of the time it was fun. All of us are well. My brother lost his wife to a rare cancer. My oldest sister got lung cancer, but has a good prognosis. My youngest sister has gotten super religion in recent years. I’m not sure which is worse: severe religion or severe cancer. My wife and I have added to the Scarborough / Williams clan a total of 9 grandchildren. Those children are all producing their own families so we are all grandparents now. We are the Baby boomers!
Life has changed over 65 years in the United States of America. Some things never change. 1945 brought the end to WWII with 2 atomic blasts to Japan. In the last few weeks Japan has suffered a terrible earthquake and tsunami. They have 4 nuclear reactors badly damaged with fears of meltdown. Such could send the reactor cores to the core of the earth, but, by the skin on their teeth, it seems to be under control. What would happen if the molten core of the earth suffered such an human assault? Could it explode? That would take care of all the predictors of the end of time for us humans! Our country is now at war in the Middle East. Nuclear weapons are all over the world. Terrorists hijacked 4 commercial aircraft and flew them into the World Trade Center / Pentagon / through passenger bravery the 4th did not hit its intended target, The White House. The Middle East and Japan were troubled areas when I was born and they still are now. Hitler and Germany had been conquered. The Japanese had been nuked. America was at the height of its world power when I was born. Roosevelt had died in office and Truman was my first President. I didn’t know much more than nursing my momma, dirtying my diaper, and developing my ability to make my hands and feet do as my brain told them. They didn’t always do as commanded, but I was trying!
Things have changed, but not really all that much with the basics: new babies born / old people dying / mankind trying to cope with---well, just being human as God created us.
So what can I say about change and life in my 65 years on this “3rd rock from the sun?” I have had 3 careers: Minister / Life Underwriter / owner of a Tree Surgery Company. I am the father of 2 children / husband of one wife / broke in a busted economy / living in the oldest town in NC / sitting beside the river where Blackbeard came to visit---and before him explorers came to the New World. Indians lived on the same dirt I occupy now. They had no clue there was another Old World across the ocean and people from that place would bring them dread diseases and conquest. The Pamlico tribes lived a life of gathering food / making babies / fighting other tribes / having a religion / knowing how to use the things of nature to survive and fight their own diseases. People are people who live, love, hate, eat, make babies, die. Life has not changed at its core from the dawn of mankind. A land bridge brought humans from Asia to America. They spread from the west as the white man had spread from the east upon sailing a dangerous ocean to escape from the bad things going on in England and Europe. The poor were being used. The rich were trying to get richer. Governments wanted all their people to be obedient and submissive. They were not!!!
If the earth were a movie attended for an entire year and watched by us, the presence of man in that movie would take place in the last 10 minutes! My time here would be a nano-second in comparison, but it has been interesting and it’s not over yet!
I am a citizen of the Southeast: born in SC / lived in NC / settled in Atlanta, GA, in 1953. It grew into the largest metropolis east of the Mississippi and south of the Mason-Dixon Line. The little caution-light crossroad of Clarkston is now engulfed with people. The same school which graduated 63 in 1963 now graduates some 400 each year. We were all “lily white” in my day. There was a beautiful Japanese girl, Patty Kato, in my class. In the 7th Grade someone called her a Jap and the teacher ate us up for using a term of prejudice. The black kids of that community attended their own school and churches. No one there was a foreigner. Now Clarkston is populated with people from India / Mexicans and Puerto Ricans and a large black contingent. Simple white folks from the mill village and working classes are now a conglomeration from around the world. Life goes on with people seeking a better opportunity.
After Clarkston I finished Emory University with a degree in Psychology. I was going to be a PhD Psychologist. I had preached to my teddy bears just like my daddy, but I had seen him brutally treated and fired. I watched him initiate a ministry to the Fulton County Juvenile Court as well as a new mission church. He refused to become bitter nor stop being a minister. He calling was real and lasted to his final day on this earth. He was my idol and hero. He lived what he preached and insisted I do the same along with my brother and sisters. He has such high ideals. He was the son of a dirt poor Tenant Farmer. He hitch hiked to Mercer in Macon, GA, from the farm near Athens, GA. His great grandfather was reputed to the be wealthiest man in Madison County as the official “brewer of spirits” for Federal troops stationed there before the Civil War. He lost everything and my grandfather, Charles Newton Scarborough, played with chests full of worthless Confederate money. He died a premature death and daddy had to drop out of school and run the farm. His ideals were un-stoppable. They were deep in debt, but in 3 years they became solvent with his spendthrift and hard management. He literally went from rags to riches in his lifetime. He left mother comfortable with an investment portfolio and her own retirement. That money has been split between us 4 children now. Some of us are secure. Others are still struggling. I am a struggler, but I am happy.
Daddy was obsessed with getting far away from poverty. I have done OK, but I have tended to be more generous and have very little in riches. I am rich with friends and people I have helped along the way. I am the example of the American Golden Dream becoming a nightmare. I was told if you got a good education (graduated a year early from High School), worked hard (I cut grass from age 10 to save for college and worked as a trim carpenter, Nurses Aide, Director of Juvenile Rehabilitation with the Wake County, NC, Juvenile Court), and be honest = success.
Well, honesty in Baptist church ministry got me fired twice. Honesty in Insurance kept me from being the “best salesman in the company,” but I did OK. Hurricane Floyd ruined my insurance business so I started a company to cut and heal trees. It did great for 7 years until the “Recession” hit in 2007. For me it was a “Depression” since my earning suddenly became 30% of what they had been previously. I lost my house, but was fortunate to have the Bayview Cottage as a result of early distribution of my inheritance. We went from a 3 story brick home on 4 acres of land with a beautiful artesian-fed pond in the woods. It was our dream home. It is “Gone with the Wind” along with my private retirement savings. I have had it proved to me that dishonesty wins / telling people what they want to hear from the Pulpit is safe / chucking and jiving in money management makes you a member of the Million Dollar Roundtable (for some).
In every field of work there are some who are crooked and “succeed” while there are others who are the “real deal” and may or may not succeed. I have known both honest and dishonest people throughout my life. I will still stick with doing your best to be honest. At the least, you sleep good at night and die with a clear conscience!
It is almost 5:00 a.m. and time to draw this treatise to a close. Reading about other people is most interesting to the one writing it, but gets tedious for those having to read it. Camus in “The Plague” had Jean Paul Clemence utter a famous sentence: “I have had one great love in my life---of which I was always the object!” Rudyard Kipling wrote “IF” which has been a source of inspiration and guidance. Tielhard de Chedan wrote: “Life is either a daring adventure---or it is nothing!” Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind---and your neighbor as yourself.” Those tidbits come to mind.
Man, age 65 sounded so old back as I grew up!
My granddaddy Williams was in his fifties when I found him to be the “best old man I knew.” He loved his farm, mules, cows, children and grandchildren. I remember the smile on his face as he drove into the yard at noon for lunch riding his mule-drawn cultivator. He could do wonders with that implement and 2 mules. He was a master farmer and the first County Agent for Pickens County, SC. He turned gullied red clay hills into productive farm land. He came within a hair of going under during the Depression, but his wife’s family, the Kays, loaned him enough to survive.
My daddy became 65 some years after I got married at age 23 in 1968. He was always the apple of my eye and my greatest source of man inspiration. He failed as a big church preacher, but he ministered with integrity throughout his life. He was gossiped about in his second church because he went to a Roadhouse and ministered to a prostitute who had a botched abortion and almost died, had he not taken her to the hospital. They called him to comfort her in death, but he did things to assure her a future life.
I have worked hard with the same integrity of my forefathers. I have succeeded in some things and failed in others. I had a stroke at age 50 from burning the candle at both ends and in the middle to be successful. After that experience working hard as both a Life Underwriter and Minister, I decided it was time to take better care of myself. If I’m tired, I take a nap. If people aggravate me, I will tell them where to stick “it” in more certain terms. I have learned you don’t have to be nice to everybody nor take it from anybody.
Just do your best and trust God for the rest. Be glad when you have a good wife and children who bring you joy and pride. Especially be glad and grateful when your grandchildren are born healthy and are getting big enough to push in the swing and ride a go-cart and bike. If they love to hunt and fish, be even more grateful. I am blessed with 5 boys and 1 beautiful girl as another generation grows toward adulthood.
Be glad we live in a free country where eventually right prevails over wrong. Our country has failed in Viet Nam and with the assassination of men like JFK / MLK / RFK. War and killing is a bad way to “win the peace” Money is far better spent on medical research and job training than trying to control other countries and nations. We now must find alternative resources for power as oil runs out. Maybe we don’t have to travel so fast and do such much to be happy. I can walk into Bath and have my basic needs met right here beside the River. My grandkids love it and that is what is most important!
Let’s see----when will I be 100!!!! It will be fun as long a I am loved and respected by people I love in return. I am a millionaire more times over than I thought: Health / no wealth / plenty of stories to tell / a God who loves and forgives me / people I can love!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Why Fundamentalism Grows Today
Why were so many Christians so dedicated to the Republican agenda? What makes the fundamentalist mega-church such a draw? Where have the servant pastors gone? Why do people want to be told what to do and do it with such passion?
I have been asking myself these questions for years. With an eye to the Bible and modern psychology, I think I have some answers.
The first answer is FEAR. Whenever people feel threatened they tend to look for something, real or imagined, to cling to. In the same way a drowning person will grab a small twig or drown the person attempting a rescue him, people have a psychological disposition to look for something to grab in trying times. Jesus saw it in his day when he said, “Fear not,” in so many circumstances.
Jesus saw this tendency and warned against it. The Pharisees saw it and offered burnt offering for a high price in temple money. As religious leaders in Jesus’ day sought power and prestige demanding absolute obedience, so the fundamentalist preacher declares himself the king of the church. No longer are most Baptist schools training servant pastors. Instead students are taught to be preachers of the word commanding others to do the dirty work of ministry. Even in the counseling mode they want to tell the distressed person simplistic steps rather than admit life has hazards and uncertainties. According to them, “the word” has it all and Bible verses (often taken out of context) give the answer.
Jesus would answer: “Fear not, I hold the keys to the kingdom. Trust me as savior. Follow me as a servant to your brothers. Love one another as I have loved you.”
My second answer is HOSTILITY. The natural reaction to frustration is either aggression or regression. In other words, a child who stubs his toe, sinks to a fetal position and cries has gone backwards. One who sniffs a little and gets back up to play and run is attacking the hurts and learning to keep on in spite of frustration.
A parent who fondles a hurt child and tells him not to play again with rough children does the child no favors. Such actions make the child dependent to a fault. A wise parent tells the child what he needs to correct and solve the problem.
Some years ago when my son was small, a bully picked on him every day at school. He almost hated to go and it took some time for him to tell me the truth. My response could have been: “Just stay home or tell your teacher on him.” He told me the teacher knew, but would not control the bully. I gave him this advice since he was the only one who could help himself: “The next time he approaches, don’t cower. Give him a smile and then a punch as hard as you can throw it just under his breast bone. He will go down and he won’t be able to breath for a little while. If he tries to get up, then kick him right where boys can’t stand the kick. Whatever you do, don’t let him get up!”
My son returned that afternoon from school with a confident smile on his face. “I did it, daddy, just like you said. He went down to the ground and started to cry. I won’t have any more trouble from him anytime soon!” Instead of throwing up his hands and quit at every one of life’s frustrations, my son learned to figure out a solution.
Anymore, the fundamentalist leads people to hate things and people defined as “sin.” They use simplistic definitions, usually based on the old Baptist adage: “We don’t dance and we don’t chew, and we don’t go with the girls that do!” People are encouraged to associate only with church members. Some, such as Houston Second, have a “God Mall” where Christians can go to Christian stores, eat in Christian restaurants, and even enjoy a Christian hot tub only with fellow Christians.
Where has Jesus’ word to be “in the world, but not of the world” gone? Jesus saw a world filled with frustration and people tending to hostility (racial, cultural, intellectual) against anything defined as “unclean.” Into that world he spoke the word of love and forgiveness. He dared to associate with and tell stories of Samaritans being helped by one of a Jewish background.
If you give a hostile person filled with frustration, something to hate (abortion, homosexuality, liberals, etc.), you do him no favors. Fundamentalism appeals to the lower human emotion of hate rather than the higher form of aggression, active love of one’s enemy. The current popular religious bent is bowing to aggression and turning it in horrible ways of righteous indignation.
My third observation is our tendency today to desire GROUP IDENTITY. Where Jesus called for individuals to decide for themselves if he were the Christ, today’s religious fanatic insists all who call themselves Christian do it in a certain narrow way. Some years ago they castigated a missionary in Las Vegas who gave up his pastorate, put on a sports coat, and dared to minister to topless dancers, bartenders, and card dealers. His theory was, “I tell them of Christ. I encourage them to trust him and read the Bible for themselves about his way. Then I leave it up to their conscience to decide what they will do in the work world.” The conservative ministers among Baptists couldn’t stand that he could witness to women who were topless having just done an exotic floor show.
North Carolina Baptists, a few years ago, refused to receive funds and thereby prevent participation of the McGill Baptist Church in Concord. Their reason: the church allowed two men to join who live together in the same house and appear to be homosexual. No one yet can prove what goes on behind closed doors. They are not pushing any agenda of homosexuality. They just accepted people who desired a relationship to Christ. A few members left the church assuming they must be gay. Upon their complaint to the new church they joined, the local association and then the state convention, without any real investigation, kicked them out. Is this hostility or not? A righteous crusader who wields a sword against “infidels” is hardly what Jesus had in mind when he said, “Love one another and forgive one another as God has forgiven you.”
Why this bent to social conformity? I believe it is the “kindergarten mentality.” By this I mean today most children are reared in a communal environment known as Preschool. In that situation everyone must grab the rope and fall in line to go to the bathroom, play-ground, or dining hall. When children have the image of total conformity drummed into them, they lose the ability to think for themselves.
Even our toys thwart individuality. Barbie has, not only her clothes and cars, but she now has a CD which tells the child the story and a voice module speaking the same canned talk each time you pull the string! Video games force the child’s mind to guide the little figure through the same mazes and moves. Everything in the game is preset in the circuit board and total conformity to the program assisted by eye-hand coordination gets a win. Where is there room for imagination and individuality in the life of children today?
This same child becomes a 30-40 year old adult expecting the church and preacher to tell him what to do. God help the one who says, “I think there is another way to look at things.” Our old insistence that each church operate without interference from others and each member make up his own mind before he votes, is all but lost. Thanks to the mob mentality constantly enforced on the child’s mind since the late 50’s.
What I am saying is life is hard, but not really any harder than it was in Jesus’ day. Human basic emotions and responses are the same as 2,000 years ago. The basic responses have a common core in survival. The fundamentalist, like the Pharisee, uses these imprisoning emotions to add weight and chains to an already frustrated soul.
Jesus, on the other hand, offers freedom and love as the alternative. The Jesus way brings freedom and a willingness to “live and let live” in a world prone to conformity.
At one time Baptists were gaining ground from their segregationist and ignorance-of-the-Biblest chains. Now these handcuffs go on again for the sake of having the biggest church in town with the biggest congregation and the most highly paid, firm and sincere (narrow) preacher. Jesus offered the keys to the Kingdom to those who would follow. Today those Baptist keys go to heavy ball-and-chain imprisoning systems rather than doors that let in fresh air and give the captive a light and joyful recess where the child’s mind can run wild and dream the impossible dream again! Think about it!
May the spirit of Christ set us free once more. May our ability to see through the surface of modern religion enable us to see the truth. May that truth set us free to love again!
I have been asking myself these questions for years. With an eye to the Bible and modern psychology, I think I have some answers.
The first answer is FEAR. Whenever people feel threatened they tend to look for something, real or imagined, to cling to. In the same way a drowning person will grab a small twig or drown the person attempting a rescue him, people have a psychological disposition to look for something to grab in trying times. Jesus saw it in his day when he said, “Fear not,” in so many circumstances.
Jesus saw this tendency and warned against it. The Pharisees saw it and offered burnt offering for a high price in temple money. As religious leaders in Jesus’ day sought power and prestige demanding absolute obedience, so the fundamentalist preacher declares himself the king of the church. No longer are most Baptist schools training servant pastors. Instead students are taught to be preachers of the word commanding others to do the dirty work of ministry. Even in the counseling mode they want to tell the distressed person simplistic steps rather than admit life has hazards and uncertainties. According to them, “the word” has it all and Bible verses (often taken out of context) give the answer.
Jesus would answer: “Fear not, I hold the keys to the kingdom. Trust me as savior. Follow me as a servant to your brothers. Love one another as I have loved you.”
My second answer is HOSTILITY. The natural reaction to frustration is either aggression or regression. In other words, a child who stubs his toe, sinks to a fetal position and cries has gone backwards. One who sniffs a little and gets back up to play and run is attacking the hurts and learning to keep on in spite of frustration.
A parent who fondles a hurt child and tells him not to play again with rough children does the child no favors. Such actions make the child dependent to a fault. A wise parent tells the child what he needs to correct and solve the problem.
Some years ago when my son was small, a bully picked on him every day at school. He almost hated to go and it took some time for him to tell me the truth. My response could have been: “Just stay home or tell your teacher on him.” He told me the teacher knew, but would not control the bully. I gave him this advice since he was the only one who could help himself: “The next time he approaches, don’t cower. Give him a smile and then a punch as hard as you can throw it just under his breast bone. He will go down and he won’t be able to breath for a little while. If he tries to get up, then kick him right where boys can’t stand the kick. Whatever you do, don’t let him get up!”
My son returned that afternoon from school with a confident smile on his face. “I did it, daddy, just like you said. He went down to the ground and started to cry. I won’t have any more trouble from him anytime soon!” Instead of throwing up his hands and quit at every one of life’s frustrations, my son learned to figure out a solution.
Anymore, the fundamentalist leads people to hate things and people defined as “sin.” They use simplistic definitions, usually based on the old Baptist adage: “We don’t dance and we don’t chew, and we don’t go with the girls that do!” People are encouraged to associate only with church members. Some, such as Houston Second, have a “God Mall” where Christians can go to Christian stores, eat in Christian restaurants, and even enjoy a Christian hot tub only with fellow Christians.
Where has Jesus’ word to be “in the world, but not of the world” gone? Jesus saw a world filled with frustration and people tending to hostility (racial, cultural, intellectual) against anything defined as “unclean.” Into that world he spoke the word of love and forgiveness. He dared to associate with and tell stories of Samaritans being helped by one of a Jewish background.
If you give a hostile person filled with frustration, something to hate (abortion, homosexuality, liberals, etc.), you do him no favors. Fundamentalism appeals to the lower human emotion of hate rather than the higher form of aggression, active love of one’s enemy. The current popular religious bent is bowing to aggression and turning it in horrible ways of righteous indignation.
My third observation is our tendency today to desire GROUP IDENTITY. Where Jesus called for individuals to decide for themselves if he were the Christ, today’s religious fanatic insists all who call themselves Christian do it in a certain narrow way. Some years ago they castigated a missionary in Las Vegas who gave up his pastorate, put on a sports coat, and dared to minister to topless dancers, bartenders, and card dealers. His theory was, “I tell them of Christ. I encourage them to trust him and read the Bible for themselves about his way. Then I leave it up to their conscience to decide what they will do in the work world.” The conservative ministers among Baptists couldn’t stand that he could witness to women who were topless having just done an exotic floor show.
North Carolina Baptists, a few years ago, refused to receive funds and thereby prevent participation of the McGill Baptist Church in Concord. Their reason: the church allowed two men to join who live together in the same house and appear to be homosexual. No one yet can prove what goes on behind closed doors. They are not pushing any agenda of homosexuality. They just accepted people who desired a relationship to Christ. A few members left the church assuming they must be gay. Upon their complaint to the new church they joined, the local association and then the state convention, without any real investigation, kicked them out. Is this hostility or not? A righteous crusader who wields a sword against “infidels” is hardly what Jesus had in mind when he said, “Love one another and forgive one another as God has forgiven you.”
Why this bent to social conformity? I believe it is the “kindergarten mentality.” By this I mean today most children are reared in a communal environment known as Preschool. In that situation everyone must grab the rope and fall in line to go to the bathroom, play-ground, or dining hall. When children have the image of total conformity drummed into them, they lose the ability to think for themselves.
Even our toys thwart individuality. Barbie has, not only her clothes and cars, but she now has a CD which tells the child the story and a voice module speaking the same canned talk each time you pull the string! Video games force the child’s mind to guide the little figure through the same mazes and moves. Everything in the game is preset in the circuit board and total conformity to the program assisted by eye-hand coordination gets a win. Where is there room for imagination and individuality in the life of children today?
This same child becomes a 30-40 year old adult expecting the church and preacher to tell him what to do. God help the one who says, “I think there is another way to look at things.” Our old insistence that each church operate without interference from others and each member make up his own mind before he votes, is all but lost. Thanks to the mob mentality constantly enforced on the child’s mind since the late 50’s.
What I am saying is life is hard, but not really any harder than it was in Jesus’ day. Human basic emotions and responses are the same as 2,000 years ago. The basic responses have a common core in survival. The fundamentalist, like the Pharisee, uses these imprisoning emotions to add weight and chains to an already frustrated soul.
Jesus, on the other hand, offers freedom and love as the alternative. The Jesus way brings freedom and a willingness to “live and let live” in a world prone to conformity.
At one time Baptists were gaining ground from their segregationist and ignorance-of-the-Biblest chains. Now these handcuffs go on again for the sake of having the biggest church in town with the biggest congregation and the most highly paid, firm and sincere (narrow) preacher. Jesus offered the keys to the Kingdom to those who would follow. Today those Baptist keys go to heavy ball-and-chain imprisoning systems rather than doors that let in fresh air and give the captive a light and joyful recess where the child’s mind can run wild and dream the impossible dream again! Think about it!
May the spirit of Christ set us free once more. May our ability to see through the surface of modern religion enable us to see the truth. May that truth set us free to love again!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Free at Last--Free at Last!!!!
Tuesday, 1/11/11, is a day to go down in our Scarborough history---Our daughter had her divorce papers signed by the Judge and IT IS OVER!!!
It has been a long year and 2 months. We have shed tears / feared reprisals / been escorted from her house by police protection / missed much of our marital time together for such a long time, BUT IT IS OVER!!!!
Sara knows she needs to move a distance away and has her house on the market. Lonya and I have spent many hours doing repairs and cleaning which should have been done through the years. We are both "weary in well-doing," but the healing is worth it.
4 boys, now ages 13 / 10 / and age 7 twins, are emotionally healing and we didn't have to send them to a Child Psychologist. Gam's presence, listening ear, and refusal to dismiss bad behaviour has worked miracles we thought would not happen.
Sara has reverted to her childhood state of dependence on her mother, but how do you tackle a demanding managerial job every day and full-time demands of parenthood without a momma to help? She is lucky to have such a mom, and is ever telling of her gratitude. Her genuine smile of contentment is starting to show again.
In the last month some new male friendships have developed, but the package has great demands attached. The odds for a woman with 4 boys attached are strictly against her, but who knows. Few men have the maturity to handle such responsibility along with a woman. Just a woman who is in early middle-age has enough changes and adaptation on her own. When that goes with boys not quite sure of any man, it is more than magnified. It will take a big man to handle it all wisely.
In all this we are most fortunate. No one got hurt or killed in a volitile situation where drugs were involved. A good divorce lawyer showed more compassion than his fees require. His office assistants pitched in as well. She got a reasonable settlement and now has no more legal incumberances with her former husband. He even traded cars in December and her name came off the last joint debt!
We are anxious to see what this next year holds. You think when children get married you just have to be spoilers of grandchildren.
We just never seem to get the "easy road" you expect as careers end and retirement looms. The bad economy has deprived us of our nest egg, but we have a nice little cottage by the Pamlico River. Money can't buy such bliss for it comes with joy and peace only Faith can bring about.
We are not living on "easy street," but we are BLESSED!!!
It has been a long year and 2 months. We have shed tears / feared reprisals / been escorted from her house by police protection / missed much of our marital time together for such a long time, BUT IT IS OVER!!!!
Sara knows she needs to move a distance away and has her house on the market. Lonya and I have spent many hours doing repairs and cleaning which should have been done through the years. We are both "weary in well-doing," but the healing is worth it.
4 boys, now ages 13 / 10 / and age 7 twins, are emotionally healing and we didn't have to send them to a Child Psychologist. Gam's presence, listening ear, and refusal to dismiss bad behaviour has worked miracles we thought would not happen.
Sara has reverted to her childhood state of dependence on her mother, but how do you tackle a demanding managerial job every day and full-time demands of parenthood without a momma to help? She is lucky to have such a mom, and is ever telling of her gratitude. Her genuine smile of contentment is starting to show again.
In the last month some new male friendships have developed, but the package has great demands attached. The odds for a woman with 4 boys attached are strictly against her, but who knows. Few men have the maturity to handle such responsibility along with a woman. Just a woman who is in early middle-age has enough changes and adaptation on her own. When that goes with boys not quite sure of any man, it is more than magnified. It will take a big man to handle it all wisely.
In all this we are most fortunate. No one got hurt or killed in a volitile situation where drugs were involved. A good divorce lawyer showed more compassion than his fees require. His office assistants pitched in as well. She got a reasonable settlement and now has no more legal incumberances with her former husband. He even traded cars in December and her name came off the last joint debt!
We are anxious to see what this next year holds. You think when children get married you just have to be spoilers of grandchildren.
We just never seem to get the "easy road" you expect as careers end and retirement looms. The bad economy has deprived us of our nest egg, but we have a nice little cottage by the Pamlico River. Money can't buy such bliss for it comes with joy and peace only Faith can bring about.
We are not living on "easy street," but we are BLESSED!!!
Monday, December 20, 2010
SBC Spending God's Money
Stop Baptist Predators: Spending God's Money
The above link details some of the corruption with finances which has crept into the SBC and its churches.
We are having problems right now with finances and there is major restructuring going on = major positions are being vacated and early retirement is being given some 1/3 of the employees of the North American Mission Board (NAMB) located in Atlanta--actually "Affluent Alpharetta."
My father pioneered their work of Juvenile Rehabilitation in the late 50's. I served in the same capacity with the Juvenile Court of Wake County (Raleigh, NC) 1969-70. Dr. Claude Scarborough was the first Baptist Chaplain to the Fulton County (Atlanta) Juvenile Court. His work was an experiment which developed to a full-blown ministry in several states.
In that day the Home Mission Board was located downtown on Spring Street and near the Atlanta Airport via a 20-minute taxi ride. Now it is far from the street people of downtown Atlanta and the neighborhoods of poverty which were served "in serious ministry days" by Mission Centers of the HMB around the country.
Now, with its location in Alpharetta on a magnificent campus, it is 1.5 hours from the Airport. The remote location from public transportation (much of the work is division leadership traveling back and forth to missionaries) Dr. Bob Reccord found it important to have a private corporate jet on standby at the Charlie Brown private Airport some 20 minutes from Alpharetta. We won't talk about the big CP bucks involved in that "mission endeavor." It ended with his leaving, but is was only one of many excesses still haunting their budget.
Be sure to read the article along with the comments submitted about it. They speak volumes about how we got in this financial mess. It started in the 80's and has led to current problems we can't seem to solve without more major expenditures and getting rid of valuable employees who got there by proven success on the mission field first.
The above link details some of the corruption with finances which has crept into the SBC and its churches.
We are having problems right now with finances and there is major restructuring going on = major positions are being vacated and early retirement is being given some 1/3 of the employees of the North American Mission Board (NAMB) located in Atlanta--actually "Affluent Alpharetta."
My father pioneered their work of Juvenile Rehabilitation in the late 50's. I served in the same capacity with the Juvenile Court of Wake County (Raleigh, NC) 1969-70. Dr. Claude Scarborough was the first Baptist Chaplain to the Fulton County (Atlanta) Juvenile Court. His work was an experiment which developed to a full-blown ministry in several states.
In that day the Home Mission Board was located downtown on Spring Street and near the Atlanta Airport via a 20-minute taxi ride. Now it is far from the street people of downtown Atlanta and the neighborhoods of poverty which were served "in serious ministry days" by Mission Centers of the HMB around the country.
Now, with its location in Alpharetta on a magnificent campus, it is 1.5 hours from the Airport. The remote location from public transportation (much of the work is division leadership traveling back and forth to missionaries) Dr. Bob Reccord found it important to have a private corporate jet on standby at the Charlie Brown private Airport some 20 minutes from Alpharetta. We won't talk about the big CP bucks involved in that "mission endeavor." It ended with his leaving, but is was only one of many excesses still haunting their budget.
Be sure to read the article along with the comments submitted about it. They speak volumes about how we got in this financial mess. It started in the 80's and has led to current problems we can't seem to solve without more major expenditures and getting rid of valuable employees who got there by proven success on the mission field first.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Sexual Confusion in a Confusing Age
This is one of the most cufusing times I have ever seen when it comes to sexuality!
I guess by not knowing GLB (Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual) and being from Atlanta, it shows I was raised a preacher's kid. In a few words above is an expose of how man wants to play with what God gave us and manipulate a body made female into one with broad shoulders and a telephone pole!
Such stuff is hardly the kind of conversation we have at the Bath Store!!
Years ago I was doing research in the Medical School Library at Emory. Having tired of the statistical research on psychosomatic illness, I picked up the "Anals of Plastic Surgery." In it was contained step-by-step procedures to alter the human body with case studies and pictures. Being 21, my research was immediately drawn to breast augmentation. A magic surgeon could take oversize ones and make them smaller. Through the magic of silicone, they could now take tiny ones and make them into basketballs. Most interesting!!!
They had to excise the nipple and place it into a nutrient bowl for a while. They would remove fatty tissue or borrow some from the butt and insert it pre-silicone. Put rulers and surgical markings on it so that when sewn back together with ever so fine micro-stitching the viewer could not detect it was man-made. HOWEVER, they had problems with that beautiful new boob having its nerves cut and never quite being as sensitive as it was before. There was also a problem that it could not now nourish a baby because the milk ducts had been cut as well! Complications could also occur where it could become hard or tissue did not heal properly and the downward cut became a valley instead of the rounded curves of the pre-surgical breast! God made it right, but man can't quite get the same result!
There was a segment on Androgyny as well. That is the situation where the baby has 3 chromosomes instead of 2. "It" is both male and female or female / male (so the ladies don't think I always put men first). This situation was a great mystery of which I had never heard. In fact, even medicine keeps it hush-hush. How do you tell a parent they have a he/she????
Did God mess things up in his creation of something odd? We must now rush to make a "gender assignment" because we can't have a male-female. According to the fundies, we are either male or female, but never both. Life must be just as the Bible describes and homosexuals are an "abomination." Sodom and Gomorra prove it! REALLY????
This single oddity of sexuality blows away a simple view that one is either male or female, but cannot make it both or "the opposite" of how I was born. "God made them male or female created He them!" In a way, it is the same as it saying: created in 6 days (24X6) hours / having 2 accounts of creation few want to admit / a cracker floating beneath the heavens and beneath it water off of which one will fall into nothingness.
If we grow up and face facts, we discover that "yam" translates "indefinite period of time" / earth revolves around the sun and is not the center the Bible depicts nor a cracker / the 2 accounts of creation are not identical = the Bible is a witness to "why things are as they are with the leap of faith that 'God did it!'"
The account of mankind eating fruit from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is another important one. Satan tempted Eve with the statement that "God is just fooling you and wanting to keep his special knowledge to himself---if you just eat, you will know what God knows!"
REALLY?????
When micro-biology and endocrinology are added to the picture, we discover that all humans have both estrogen and testosterone balancing one another in the system. All humans have both. Further, embryology show us step-by-step how the sperm and egg unite in a single cell. Depending on the X (male) and Y (female) chromosome combination (XX / YY / XY / YX) that chemical combination directs that cell to form a being where the genitals either become an indention for the female or an extrusion for a male. The same tissue with forms testicles producing sperm---form ovaries producing eggs. At one stage of fetus development there is a tail and gills which give us an evolutionary clue as to our origins--none of these mentioned in the Bible!
So here we are arguing about sexuality and whether homos are going to hell when we hardly understand God's creative process. What we know for sure is that religious people seldom can handle complexity nor can they admit God does things we don't understand. We would rather destroy a queer or gender-assign a new baby which is androgynous by the hand of the Creator. We have a hard time with things not simple as we think the Bible is.
Now, in Baptistland, NC, we have decided that a church ministering to homosexuals is not worthy of having its money accepted. In GA a female-pastored church must be excluded from fellowship because BF&M 2000 (Baptist Faith and Message = a creedal statement) states women must be submissive to men and are not worthy of ordination. Other denominations do it different, but the majority rules among Baptists---now taken over by the Fundamentalist Mindset. Something in this reminds me of "Planet of the Apes."
In current politics, the same seems to be the case = "Don't ask / don't tell." It is the next reason for Democrats to hate Republicans. It is just another diversion from the fact that non-enforcement of financial policies has led us to economic ruin. We are spending $10 for every $1 taken in with taxes. Every citizen has the right to plenty of food / work as they please / live in a fancy house with 2 cars / 2-5 TV's / go on exotic vacations paid by a credit card charging 18-23% interest / having the most exotic military destruction toys costing billions just to produce in Texas / etc.
Diversions are good. They keep us fighting which translates to billions spent on election campaigns producing a media-sensitive candidate who never tells us anything about his real position of taxation / honesty / service to his electorate / producing more laws so lawyers can fight and the judicial system can set OJ (and others like him) free to kill again!
This one thing I can safely conclude: We love being stupid / prejudiced / simple so we can bask in the sun on a desert isle and sip our beers in comfort without having to work.
Sound anything like the Garden of Eden from which we were cast for eating of the fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil???
I guess by not knowing GLB (Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual) and being from Atlanta, it shows I was raised a preacher's kid. In a few words above is an expose of how man wants to play with what God gave us and manipulate a body made female into one with broad shoulders and a telephone pole!
Such stuff is hardly the kind of conversation we have at the Bath Store!!
Years ago I was doing research in the Medical School Library at Emory. Having tired of the statistical research on psychosomatic illness, I picked up the "Anals of Plastic Surgery." In it was contained step-by-step procedures to alter the human body with case studies and pictures. Being 21, my research was immediately drawn to breast augmentation. A magic surgeon could take oversize ones and make them smaller. Through the magic of silicone, they could now take tiny ones and make them into basketballs. Most interesting!!!
They had to excise the nipple and place it into a nutrient bowl for a while. They would remove fatty tissue or borrow some from the butt and insert it pre-silicone. Put rulers and surgical markings on it so that when sewn back together with ever so fine micro-stitching the viewer could not detect it was man-made. HOWEVER, they had problems with that beautiful new boob having its nerves cut and never quite being as sensitive as it was before. There was also a problem that it could not now nourish a baby because the milk ducts had been cut as well! Complications could also occur where it could become hard or tissue did not heal properly and the downward cut became a valley instead of the rounded curves of the pre-surgical breast! God made it right, but man can't quite get the same result!
There was a segment on Androgyny as well. That is the situation where the baby has 3 chromosomes instead of 2. "It" is both male and female or female / male (so the ladies don't think I always put men first). This situation was a great mystery of which I had never heard. In fact, even medicine keeps it hush-hush. How do you tell a parent they have a he/she????
Did God mess things up in his creation of something odd? We must now rush to make a "gender assignment" because we can't have a male-female. According to the fundies, we are either male or female, but never both. Life must be just as the Bible describes and homosexuals are an "abomination." Sodom and Gomorra prove it! REALLY????
This single oddity of sexuality blows away a simple view that one is either male or female, but cannot make it both or "the opposite" of how I was born. "God made them male or female created He them!" In a way, it is the same as it saying: created in 6 days (24X6) hours / having 2 accounts of creation few want to admit / a cracker floating beneath the heavens and beneath it water off of which one will fall into nothingness.
If we grow up and face facts, we discover that "yam" translates "indefinite period of time" / earth revolves around the sun and is not the center the Bible depicts nor a cracker / the 2 accounts of creation are not identical = the Bible is a witness to "why things are as they are with the leap of faith that 'God did it!'"
The account of mankind eating fruit from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is another important one. Satan tempted Eve with the statement that "God is just fooling you and wanting to keep his special knowledge to himself---if you just eat, you will know what God knows!"
REALLY?????
When micro-biology and endocrinology are added to the picture, we discover that all humans have both estrogen and testosterone balancing one another in the system. All humans have both. Further, embryology show us step-by-step how the sperm and egg unite in a single cell. Depending on the X (male) and Y (female) chromosome combination (XX / YY / XY / YX) that chemical combination directs that cell to form a being where the genitals either become an indention for the female or an extrusion for a male. The same tissue with forms testicles producing sperm---form ovaries producing eggs. At one stage of fetus development there is a tail and gills which give us an evolutionary clue as to our origins--none of these mentioned in the Bible!
So here we are arguing about sexuality and whether homos are going to hell when we hardly understand God's creative process. What we know for sure is that religious people seldom can handle complexity nor can they admit God does things we don't understand. We would rather destroy a queer or gender-assign a new baby which is androgynous by the hand of the Creator. We have a hard time with things not simple as we think the Bible is.
Now, in Baptistland, NC, we have decided that a church ministering to homosexuals is not worthy of having its money accepted. In GA a female-pastored church must be excluded from fellowship because BF&M 2000 (Baptist Faith and Message = a creedal statement) states women must be submissive to men and are not worthy of ordination. Other denominations do it different, but the majority rules among Baptists---now taken over by the Fundamentalist Mindset. Something in this reminds me of "Planet of the Apes."
In current politics, the same seems to be the case = "Don't ask / don't tell." It is the next reason for Democrats to hate Republicans. It is just another diversion from the fact that non-enforcement of financial policies has led us to economic ruin. We are spending $10 for every $1 taken in with taxes. Every citizen has the right to plenty of food / work as they please / live in a fancy house with 2 cars / 2-5 TV's / go on exotic vacations paid by a credit card charging 18-23% interest / having the most exotic military destruction toys costing billions just to produce in Texas / etc.
Diversions are good. They keep us fighting which translates to billions spent on election campaigns producing a media-sensitive candidate who never tells us anything about his real position of taxation / honesty / service to his electorate / producing more laws so lawyers can fight and the judicial system can set OJ (and others like him) free to kill again!
This one thing I can safely conclude: We love being stupid / prejudiced / simple so we can bask in the sun on a desert isle and sip our beers in comfort without having to work.
Sound anything like the Garden of Eden from which we were cast for eating of the fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil???
Monday, July 26, 2010
Small Business -- Help at Last!!!!!
If you have been reading from my early blogs, they dealt with the problems I am suffering from this bad economy and trying to run a Tree Surgery business: Affordable / Professional Tree Surgeons.
AT LAST---I am getting help!
Did you know that some 2 years ago the IRS put in a new tax break for large corporations? They did!!!!
What is it?
A large corporation which establishes a Foundation whose funds are available to struggling small businesses gets a break!
Small businesses, like mine, which are suffering a 30-70% reduction in earnings over the last 3 years can apply for help. I applied for $50,000-$1,000,000 in relief. Last week, I got a grant for $50,000+!!!! It will be coming to me in 30-45 business days.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did I get it?
I was contacted by phone as a cold call some 3 months ago. The outfit is named Turnaround Business Group, Inc. They are located in Henderson, NV, about 50 miles from Las Vegas. They said they served as the liason between small businesses and Foundations waiting to fund them.
For a fee of about 1.8% of $50,000, they serve to get together your request / represent you to the corporation / get the funds you need. Their original financial cost for services provided is $2,999.00. Send the money and they start their work with a promise that nothing further is needed until they secure, at least, half of the funds requested. At that point an additional $4,790 is needed to pay for the Sears-Roebuck size catalogue of paperwork / legal details / web site with the promise of money delivery within 30-45 days. You can repay your initial costs out of those funds.
Now you are saying, "This sounds like a scam since money is required up front!" NO!!!!!!!!
First, they provided me with contact information for the Attorney General's Office in the state of Nevada, should I wish to check them out. I was also encouraged to contact the local Chamber of Commerce and Better Business Bureau. I did! They are real and have no complaints against them.
When I could not come up with the entire $2,999.00, they were willing to accept the $2,500 I could borrow to start the process. Needless to say, when you have been operating at 30% of earnings for 3 solid years / lost your home to foreclosure / had your water and electricity turned off several times during this Depression--er, Recession--as long as you listen to government pontificaters!
It was a real struggle to find that initial money, but a kind Baptist friend who owns a finance company was willing to take the risk--as long as I secured the loan with my truck and an expensive Chipping Machine. My family had been "loaned out" trying to help me keep my house 3 years ago. This is the reality for far too many of us small business owners since our economy took a "slight" nosedive under the Bush Administration's fine regulatory practices. I say this in jest, of course!!!
I was convinced of their legitimacy the second they offered to take less than the stated fee. In addition, in the course of conversation via phone, I discovered these people have religious convictions--and it is real rather than another "come on" using religion to fake you out!
Within the stated 90-180 days they produced!!!!
Now I am finishing questionares to formulate a small part of the Sears catalogue of documents.
Here is how this Grant works:
(1) I am required to set up a non-interest-bearing checking account into which the funds go.
(2) I must make a 6-month report to the Foundation which includes copies front and back of all checks issued to fulfill my request.
(3) The Grant comes with an IRS tracking number, lest I run afoul of the taxman. It is non-taxable as long as it is spent to secure my business.
The rationale for helping small businesses to compete again:
(1) I hire and secure employees whose families get income so they can, again, support the general economy and pay their taxes.
(2) I buy equipment so the providers of such have an income. For example, Bobcat of Wilson is struggling with reduced sales and repairs. I still owe them $1,000 for repair of my A-300 machine last year. My income is such that I can't pay it. Now I can---and I am ordering a new machine with trailer to carry it! They are getting much more happy with this struggling customer! I am tired of transporting my maching with overdrive kicked out for 2 hours to service my customers in my local Beaufort County home/office.
(3) I repay accumulated debt which amounts to some $120,000. They are happy!
(4) I am able to build/lease property to house my business. Construction and Real Estate people are happy!
(5) I am able to have several billboards to fill the many which are vacant these days. The billboard/advertising people are happy!
(6) I can now bring quality tree care to people who don't yet know me. They will be happy they met me and get quality work at affordable prices!
(7) I can buy a tractor-trailer rig to get to Hufficane/Storm relief needs. They will be happy to not have a gouging contractor in place to help them recover!
I hope, by now, you see the first wisdom I have seen in this whole economic mess. At last, someone is helping small business get back on its feet! My earliest blogs were about my attempts to get federal help through my 2 NC Congressional Representative---not a single thing came my way except more of "we must help Corporate America and the Banking Industry.
Folks--Trickle Down Economics doesn't work!!! If you haven't figured that one out yet, ask a question: "If we own 61% of GM as taxpayers, why aren't all their products 61% cheaper to the taxpayers whose money was used to bail them out???"
Don't you think if the above were true, we would be buying GM products right and left so they could put their assemblyline workers back to work--plus the sub-assembly companies providing goods to that line? Check out the economy of Michigan to see if anything happened---other than Corporate Executives getting bonuses I could run my small business on for the next 5 years! IT HAS NOT HAPPENED.
The same is true of the Financial Industry: Has anyone who lost some 45% of their investment value been restored? Have any of the lying/cheating pencil pushing/creative accounting thieves gone to the Federal Pen over their clearly unlawful securities practices?
I have a Series 6 Securities Liscense and know whereof I speak. You are fingerprinted upon getting it, and the laws/guildelines are clear: "Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" to anyone trusting you with money management. It's just that simple, or "Go To Jail-do not pass GO" as the Monopoly game card reads!
So here is my truthful story and my encouragement that you do something besides moan and groan about "how bad things are!" You have to have a little faith and trust in an environment where "if it is too good to be true--it probably isn't." We are being totally put into a prison of doubt by illegal practices which don't seem to get punished or controlled.
If you have some controlled trust and check things out so any doubts are alayed, you might find some help. I am sure there are some schemers out there. I get emails every day from folks promising Federal Grants/education/etc.
I don't respond because I don't want all the red tape attached to Government Grants. This, however, is a Private Foundation trying to get money into responsible hands. It has some IRS controls, but I am sure there will be illegitimte grantees trying to scam the system assuming "Wall Street and Detroit got away with it and so will I." Worse becomes even worse if we give up on the promise of the Free Enterprise System, properly competing, to give hard-working people in small business a chance to succeed or fail---according to their wisdom and hard work.
Where would you rather invest---Corporate America, where books are cooked and accounting has become more than creative / where long-term experienced personnl get the age 55 "golden parachute", OR your own business which provides good services at a reasonable price????
The ball is in your court now!
AT LAST---I am getting help!
Did you know that some 2 years ago the IRS put in a new tax break for large corporations? They did!!!!
What is it?
A large corporation which establishes a Foundation whose funds are available to struggling small businesses gets a break!
Small businesses, like mine, which are suffering a 30-70% reduction in earnings over the last 3 years can apply for help. I applied for $50,000-$1,000,000 in relief. Last week, I got a grant for $50,000+!!!! It will be coming to me in 30-45 business days.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did I get it?
I was contacted by phone as a cold call some 3 months ago. The outfit is named Turnaround Business Group, Inc. They are located in Henderson, NV, about 50 miles from Las Vegas. They said they served as the liason between small businesses and Foundations waiting to fund them.
For a fee of about 1.8% of $50,000, they serve to get together your request / represent you to the corporation / get the funds you need. Their original financial cost for services provided is $2,999.00. Send the money and they start their work with a promise that nothing further is needed until they secure, at least, half of the funds requested. At that point an additional $4,790 is needed to pay for the Sears-Roebuck size catalogue of paperwork / legal details / web site with the promise of money delivery within 30-45 days. You can repay your initial costs out of those funds.
Now you are saying, "This sounds like a scam since money is required up front!" NO!!!!!!!!
First, they provided me with contact information for the Attorney General's Office in the state of Nevada, should I wish to check them out. I was also encouraged to contact the local Chamber of Commerce and Better Business Bureau. I did! They are real and have no complaints against them.
When I could not come up with the entire $2,999.00, they were willing to accept the $2,500 I could borrow to start the process. Needless to say, when you have been operating at 30% of earnings for 3 solid years / lost your home to foreclosure / had your water and electricity turned off several times during this Depression--er, Recession--as long as you listen to government pontificaters!
It was a real struggle to find that initial money, but a kind Baptist friend who owns a finance company was willing to take the risk--as long as I secured the loan with my truck and an expensive Chipping Machine. My family had been "loaned out" trying to help me keep my house 3 years ago. This is the reality for far too many of us small business owners since our economy took a "slight" nosedive under the Bush Administration's fine regulatory practices. I say this in jest, of course!!!
I was convinced of their legitimacy the second they offered to take less than the stated fee. In addition, in the course of conversation via phone, I discovered these people have religious convictions--and it is real rather than another "come on" using religion to fake you out!
Within the stated 90-180 days they produced!!!!
Now I am finishing questionares to formulate a small part of the Sears catalogue of documents.
Here is how this Grant works:
(1) I am required to set up a non-interest-bearing checking account into which the funds go.
(2) I must make a 6-month report to the Foundation which includes copies front and back of all checks issued to fulfill my request.
(3) The Grant comes with an IRS tracking number, lest I run afoul of the taxman. It is non-taxable as long as it is spent to secure my business.
The rationale for helping small businesses to compete again:
(1) I hire and secure employees whose families get income so they can, again, support the general economy and pay their taxes.
(2) I buy equipment so the providers of such have an income. For example, Bobcat of Wilson is struggling with reduced sales and repairs. I still owe them $1,000 for repair of my A-300 machine last year. My income is such that I can't pay it. Now I can---and I am ordering a new machine with trailer to carry it! They are getting much more happy with this struggling customer! I am tired of transporting my maching with overdrive kicked out for 2 hours to service my customers in my local Beaufort County home/office.
(3) I repay accumulated debt which amounts to some $120,000. They are happy!
(4) I am able to build/lease property to house my business. Construction and Real Estate people are happy!
(5) I am able to have several billboards to fill the many which are vacant these days. The billboard/advertising people are happy!
(6) I can now bring quality tree care to people who don't yet know me. They will be happy they met me and get quality work at affordable prices!
(7) I can buy a tractor-trailer rig to get to Hufficane/Storm relief needs. They will be happy to not have a gouging contractor in place to help them recover!
I hope, by now, you see the first wisdom I have seen in this whole economic mess. At last, someone is helping small business get back on its feet! My earliest blogs were about my attempts to get federal help through my 2 NC Congressional Representative---not a single thing came my way except more of "we must help Corporate America and the Banking Industry.
Folks--Trickle Down Economics doesn't work!!! If you haven't figured that one out yet, ask a question: "If we own 61% of GM as taxpayers, why aren't all their products 61% cheaper to the taxpayers whose money was used to bail them out???"
Don't you think if the above were true, we would be buying GM products right and left so they could put their assemblyline workers back to work--plus the sub-assembly companies providing goods to that line? Check out the economy of Michigan to see if anything happened---other than Corporate Executives getting bonuses I could run my small business on for the next 5 years! IT HAS NOT HAPPENED.
The same is true of the Financial Industry: Has anyone who lost some 45% of their investment value been restored? Have any of the lying/cheating pencil pushing/creative accounting thieves gone to the Federal Pen over their clearly unlawful securities practices?
I have a Series 6 Securities Liscense and know whereof I speak. You are fingerprinted upon getting it, and the laws/guildelines are clear: "Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" to anyone trusting you with money management. It's just that simple, or "Go To Jail-do not pass GO" as the Monopoly game card reads!
So here is my truthful story and my encouragement that you do something besides moan and groan about "how bad things are!" You have to have a little faith and trust in an environment where "if it is too good to be true--it probably isn't." We are being totally put into a prison of doubt by illegal practices which don't seem to get punished or controlled.
If you have some controlled trust and check things out so any doubts are alayed, you might find some help. I am sure there are some schemers out there. I get emails every day from folks promising Federal Grants/education/etc.
I don't respond because I don't want all the red tape attached to Government Grants. This, however, is a Private Foundation trying to get money into responsible hands. It has some IRS controls, but I am sure there will be illegitimte grantees trying to scam the system assuming "Wall Street and Detroit got away with it and so will I." Worse becomes even worse if we give up on the promise of the Free Enterprise System, properly competing, to give hard-working people in small business a chance to succeed or fail---according to their wisdom and hard work.
Where would you rather invest---Corporate America, where books are cooked and accounting has become more than creative / where long-term experienced personnl get the age 55 "golden parachute", OR your own business which provides good services at a reasonable price????
The ball is in your court now!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
July--Celebrate Freedom, Sara!!!!
Our daughter and grandsons spent the week after July 4 with us at the river. It was the perfect time to look at them in detail and to take stock of where they are emotionally.
In sum: It is good!!!!!
Each of the boys is showing significant progress since November. They fuss and fight far less. There are times which all competitive children have. TC vs. Jack is a 12-year-old living in the same room as a 7-year-old. Jack wants to do everything TC does, but can't. TC enjoys getting him into a video game he can't handle and then blasting him to oblivion!
That normally generates a tirade of screams and tantrums, but not much this week!!! They played in their bedroom and went outside to learn new swimming and jumping tricks in the river.
We decided to back off on supervision and see what naturally came. Where they used to last 2-3 days until total boredom set in, they were in grief as the week ended. They didn't want to go home. We did not take them on any great sight-seeing trips this time. All the local places of interest have already been seen. They basically lived in a home environment displaced to the river.
They were in and out of the house. In the mornings, while it was still reasonably cool, there was yard running and pier jumping. None of them cares for fishing right now, but the fishing out in front of the cottage is minimal. Little bait-stealing croakers just make corks wiggle and bait disappear--to the despair of even an experienced fisherman.
When they got hot or tired they came into the house to play video games, color, or play with action figures. Amazingly, where last year they could care less they were in the walk way with toys, they kept things tidy. They did not sulk when you asked them to play away from tight walking areas. Their respect for others is growing as they learn they are respected by Momma, Gam, and Pa Pa. We tell them our expectations. We are consistent and use a swat of the behind when we are totally ignored. There was little or no screaming from boys or parents. What a joy!!!
The twins are now 5 and most interesting. Dillyn is his joyful and adventurous self. He learned to float, do handstands and flips in the water. He loves to climb the highest structure and jump with glee into the water.
Gavyn, the quiet one, has suddenly waked up. He is first out of bed. He wants to hang beside me and chatter-chatter-chatter with questions and observations. Instead of hanging back to a fault, he can now be encouraged to be a little adventurous.
One of the funniest scenes was Sara and Lonya sunning themselves and missing Gavyn. Instead of having a panic attack, they start searching for the little boy walking around with a tube around his middle. There he was--walking under the pier from the deck in waist deep water to the shore and back again. He had a smile instead of the usual scowl. He is holding back--not wanting to make a mistake--but he is engaging in delightful discussions of how he sees the world through 5-year-old eyes. Some of his "stuff" makes you roll on the floor in laughter. He is a riot!
Meanwhile back at home: Thomas is continuing his stalking mode. The weekend after Sara's return was his for the boys. His mother told the boys their father wasn't feeling well and to stay out of his closed door room. Through those hours he was texting Sara asking, "Why can't we get back together" / "I love you" / "I know what you look like naked" / etc.
It is a combination of "pity me" and verbal abuse. He has supposedly been to counseling. His company, according to him, sent him to Washington, DC, for some sort of anger management course. All of this "counseling" never results in change for more than a few days. In fact, there have been so many lies told that we can't be sure there has been any counseling at all. He claims to be taking medication--who knows. When I wrote the last sentence I spelled it "madication!" This is more accurate!
As my wife and daughter sat on the porch at her house during the evening, he pulled up in the company car. She went out to his blubbering, "Don't you love me?" / "NO!" "Can't we get back together?" / "We tried that and you never kept any promises--NO!". He ripped off with the squall of tires.
She has made up her mind to move away for peace and quiet. We think that would be wise. Every time he calls / texts / comes by it takes another bite into Sara's behind which is about chewed up. All he is doing is to drive her further away into anger. She has already told her boys she won't be coming to any birthday party at the other grandparents. When asked, "Why?," she calmly told them, "I have been called all kinds of ugly names and words so I don't care to ever see them again." The boys understood and never asked again.
The saddest part of all this is he could choose to do better and, with the help of intensive counseling, become the kind of person hiding behind the bully on the playground. However, with his parents serving as his cheering squad, there is absolutely no motivation from the source of his torment. It seems to be their way of proving to themselves that they were good parents. Just keep him like he is and blame his spouse for everything.
The real crazy thing about this is multiple times my daughter poured her heart out to his mother over how he needed help. She totally agreed / encouraged our daughter to tell her more / indicated perhaps they could help him together---TOTAL LIE!!!
It is a foregone conclusion at this point that the relationship is over. He is starting to make noises that he really doesn't want the boys and they are a lot of trouble to his parents. He threatens not to sign the divorce papers in November, but a check of NC law indicated that is not necessary since he signed the Separation Papers and Child Support agreements. He has made the agreements which cannot be changed without Sara's consent.
Meanwhile, we are restoring the abused house to a saleable condition. It will go on the market in a few weeks. Sara owns it outright as part of the Separation Agreement.
Pray that more peace may come into their lives. Pray that the sale will come quickly so she can get away from the car riding by and boys coming home with a fresh case of "potty mouth" every time they visit him and his parents. AND---pray for this tormented man who can't find the courage to get away from his tormenting parents and seek a quiet place of joy and peace. At this point he has nothing but agony and anguish which he continues to bring on himself! His threat as he screeched away was, "I'll just kill myself!" We don't think he has the courage to do it--just one more empty threat.
It's so gratifying to see our daughter and grandsons improve each week so that is our source of rejoicing in how God helps those who want to be helped.
Oh, by the way, Lonya is coming back home 2 nights a week and weekends. We are recovering our relationship strained by the agony and needs of our child and her boys. As Sara's genuine smile returns, I find her to be a beautiful as her mother.
Family never leaves you. You rejoice in the good times and bring comfort in the bad. No matter what, some sacrifice is involved---BUT IT IS WORTH EVERY DROP OF BLOOD SHED FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE!
In sum: It is good!!!!!
Each of the boys is showing significant progress since November. They fuss and fight far less. There are times which all competitive children have. TC vs. Jack is a 12-year-old living in the same room as a 7-year-old. Jack wants to do everything TC does, but can't. TC enjoys getting him into a video game he can't handle and then blasting him to oblivion!
That normally generates a tirade of screams and tantrums, but not much this week!!! They played in their bedroom and went outside to learn new swimming and jumping tricks in the river.
We decided to back off on supervision and see what naturally came. Where they used to last 2-3 days until total boredom set in, they were in grief as the week ended. They didn't want to go home. We did not take them on any great sight-seeing trips this time. All the local places of interest have already been seen. They basically lived in a home environment displaced to the river.
They were in and out of the house. In the mornings, while it was still reasonably cool, there was yard running and pier jumping. None of them cares for fishing right now, but the fishing out in front of the cottage is minimal. Little bait-stealing croakers just make corks wiggle and bait disappear--to the despair of even an experienced fisherman.
When they got hot or tired they came into the house to play video games, color, or play with action figures. Amazingly, where last year they could care less they were in the walk way with toys, they kept things tidy. They did not sulk when you asked them to play away from tight walking areas. Their respect for others is growing as they learn they are respected by Momma, Gam, and Pa Pa. We tell them our expectations. We are consistent and use a swat of the behind when we are totally ignored. There was little or no screaming from boys or parents. What a joy!!!
The twins are now 5 and most interesting. Dillyn is his joyful and adventurous self. He learned to float, do handstands and flips in the water. He loves to climb the highest structure and jump with glee into the water.
Gavyn, the quiet one, has suddenly waked up. He is first out of bed. He wants to hang beside me and chatter-chatter-chatter with questions and observations. Instead of hanging back to a fault, he can now be encouraged to be a little adventurous.
One of the funniest scenes was Sara and Lonya sunning themselves and missing Gavyn. Instead of having a panic attack, they start searching for the little boy walking around with a tube around his middle. There he was--walking under the pier from the deck in waist deep water to the shore and back again. He had a smile instead of the usual scowl. He is holding back--not wanting to make a mistake--but he is engaging in delightful discussions of how he sees the world through 5-year-old eyes. Some of his "stuff" makes you roll on the floor in laughter. He is a riot!
Meanwhile back at home: Thomas is continuing his stalking mode. The weekend after Sara's return was his for the boys. His mother told the boys their father wasn't feeling well and to stay out of his closed door room. Through those hours he was texting Sara asking, "Why can't we get back together" / "I love you" / "I know what you look like naked" / etc.
It is a combination of "pity me" and verbal abuse. He has supposedly been to counseling. His company, according to him, sent him to Washington, DC, for some sort of anger management course. All of this "counseling" never results in change for more than a few days. In fact, there have been so many lies told that we can't be sure there has been any counseling at all. He claims to be taking medication--who knows. When I wrote the last sentence I spelled it "madication!" This is more accurate!
As my wife and daughter sat on the porch at her house during the evening, he pulled up in the company car. She went out to his blubbering, "Don't you love me?" / "NO!" "Can't we get back together?" / "We tried that and you never kept any promises--NO!". He ripped off with the squall of tires.
She has made up her mind to move away for peace and quiet. We think that would be wise. Every time he calls / texts / comes by it takes another bite into Sara's behind which is about chewed up. All he is doing is to drive her further away into anger. She has already told her boys she won't be coming to any birthday party at the other grandparents. When asked, "Why?," she calmly told them, "I have been called all kinds of ugly names and words so I don't care to ever see them again." The boys understood and never asked again.
The saddest part of all this is he could choose to do better and, with the help of intensive counseling, become the kind of person hiding behind the bully on the playground. However, with his parents serving as his cheering squad, there is absolutely no motivation from the source of his torment. It seems to be their way of proving to themselves that they were good parents. Just keep him like he is and blame his spouse for everything.
The real crazy thing about this is multiple times my daughter poured her heart out to his mother over how he needed help. She totally agreed / encouraged our daughter to tell her more / indicated perhaps they could help him together---TOTAL LIE!!!
It is a foregone conclusion at this point that the relationship is over. He is starting to make noises that he really doesn't want the boys and they are a lot of trouble to his parents. He threatens not to sign the divorce papers in November, but a check of NC law indicated that is not necessary since he signed the Separation Papers and Child Support agreements. He has made the agreements which cannot be changed without Sara's consent.
Meanwhile, we are restoring the abused house to a saleable condition. It will go on the market in a few weeks. Sara owns it outright as part of the Separation Agreement.
Pray that more peace may come into their lives. Pray that the sale will come quickly so she can get away from the car riding by and boys coming home with a fresh case of "potty mouth" every time they visit him and his parents. AND---pray for this tormented man who can't find the courage to get away from his tormenting parents and seek a quiet place of joy and peace. At this point he has nothing but agony and anguish which he continues to bring on himself! His threat as he screeched away was, "I'll just kill myself!" We don't think he has the courage to do it--just one more empty threat.
It's so gratifying to see our daughter and grandsons improve each week so that is our source of rejoicing in how God helps those who want to be helped.
Oh, by the way, Lonya is coming back home 2 nights a week and weekends. We are recovering our relationship strained by the agony and needs of our child and her boys. As Sara's genuine smile returns, I find her to be a beautiful as her mother.
Family never leaves you. You rejoice in the good times and bring comfort in the bad. No matter what, some sacrifice is involved---BUT IT IS WORTH EVERY DROP OF BLOOD SHED FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Father's Day Tribute to My Father
Those of us who are Preacher's Kids are most blessed when daddy lives the other 6 days of the week the things he preached on Sunday.
My father, now gone to Higher Ground, stood a step above many of his contemporaries. He saw fraud and pretense and told me about it. Therefore, I am sensitive to it.
My dad grew up on a tenant farm outside Athens, GA. He got his call to preach plowing behind a mule during the Depression. Despite the church ladies at the Moon's Grove Baptist Church telling him an education would ruin him, he hitch-hiked to Mercer--arriving with .10 in his pocket.
He was told by the President that a man with no funds other than .10 could not metriculate. He broke down and cried.
The President had mercy on him and gave him the name of a family who loaned money to worthy students. In addition, he got a job peeling potatoes in the Cafeteria plus cutting hair for students. He made it!
Then he went to Andover-Newton, which had a reputation for being one of the finest Seminaries in the country. Again, he made it through hard work paying his own way.
Now, comes the wrinkle: He felt called to return South where he met all kinds of subjective criticism. He had the education and preaching skills for a First Baptist Church, but he was still single and did not have the Southern Seminary Professors pulling for him.
They would simply say, "Can you trust a man who is from Andover-Newton rather than Southern?"
He had to take a job teaching school and a part time church in Pendleton, SC. Finally he married a Carver School of Missions graduate and that opened some doors. He was "safely" married. He went to the Liberty, SC, FBC where I was born. From there he went to Tryon, NC, FBC, but got pressure to leave because he ministered to everyone--even a woman dying from a botched abortion at a "Road House" outside town.
After a short time as Associate Pastor in Spartanburg, SC, he was called to the Clarkston, GA, FBC at a time of potential growth. They had built a new sanctuary and the population was exploding. He worked hard and stimulated a doubling of the congregation---BUT he was in conflict with the Town Mayor (a lawyer) / Deacon Chairman / Church Treasurer who was playing games with the Building Fund by not paying the steel bill! He had a lawsuit against the company.
Daddy told this man, "You must pay the bill by Friday or I will resign Sunday and explain in clear terms why I am doing it." It took 4 years, but they finally got him in one of the most ugly and lying scenes ever imaginable.
That was OK. He refused to hate! He started a new mission church in an unchurched area--and also became the first HMB Chaplain to the Fulton County Juvenile Court. That church started in our living room, moved to a rental house, and finally built a building after about 2 years. In addition, he was the Associate DOM for the Atlanta Baptist Association.
When he should have become the next Director of Missions, a powerful Editor of the Christian Index opposed him because he was not a "yes man" to him. To move up required a "political correctness." Still he ministered as best he could and had the undying respect of many of the Atlanta Pastors. Again, he refused to hate and did not give up when the new DOM put terrible pressure to get rid of him.
Here is what I learned:
(1) Those who have integrity sometimes are doomed to public failure.
(2) Those who maintain their integrity are provided by God with a place of service where it counts.
(3) Refusing to hate and leaving vengence to God, saves one from bitterness or ultimate defeat.
(4) Most of the early Saints, as well as Jesus, paid an ultimate price for telling the truth.
(5) Few preachers are willing to stand with integrity when their political future and retirement plans could be part of the sacrifice.
(6) Robert Frost was right when he advocated "The Road Less Taken."
I rejoice in the man of integrity who was my father. He stood in front of a hostile crowd many times at the GBC and in his church to advocate for honesty and a Christlike approach to those the majority wanted to crucify.
He is the most like Christ of any man I have ever known. Even in failure, he maintained his integrity. He refused to participate in ugly politics just to be "successful."
It's too bad men like him are few and far between, but I shall meet him one day in the Land Above for I know he walks with God!!!
My father, now gone to Higher Ground, stood a step above many of his contemporaries. He saw fraud and pretense and told me about it. Therefore, I am sensitive to it.
My dad grew up on a tenant farm outside Athens, GA. He got his call to preach plowing behind a mule during the Depression. Despite the church ladies at the Moon's Grove Baptist Church telling him an education would ruin him, he hitch-hiked to Mercer--arriving with .10 in his pocket.
He was told by the President that a man with no funds other than .10 could not metriculate. He broke down and cried.
The President had mercy on him and gave him the name of a family who loaned money to worthy students. In addition, he got a job peeling potatoes in the Cafeteria plus cutting hair for students. He made it!
Then he went to Andover-Newton, which had a reputation for being one of the finest Seminaries in the country. Again, he made it through hard work paying his own way.
Now, comes the wrinkle: He felt called to return South where he met all kinds of subjective criticism. He had the education and preaching skills for a First Baptist Church, but he was still single and did not have the Southern Seminary Professors pulling for him.
They would simply say, "Can you trust a man who is from Andover-Newton rather than Southern?"
He had to take a job teaching school and a part time church in Pendleton, SC. Finally he married a Carver School of Missions graduate and that opened some doors. He was "safely" married. He went to the Liberty, SC, FBC where I was born. From there he went to Tryon, NC, FBC, but got pressure to leave because he ministered to everyone--even a woman dying from a botched abortion at a "Road House" outside town.
After a short time as Associate Pastor in Spartanburg, SC, he was called to the Clarkston, GA, FBC at a time of potential growth. They had built a new sanctuary and the population was exploding. He worked hard and stimulated a doubling of the congregation---BUT he was in conflict with the Town Mayor (a lawyer) / Deacon Chairman / Church Treasurer who was playing games with the Building Fund by not paying the steel bill! He had a lawsuit against the company.
Daddy told this man, "You must pay the bill by Friday or I will resign Sunday and explain in clear terms why I am doing it." It took 4 years, but they finally got him in one of the most ugly and lying scenes ever imaginable.
That was OK. He refused to hate! He started a new mission church in an unchurched area--and also became the first HMB Chaplain to the Fulton County Juvenile Court. That church started in our living room, moved to a rental house, and finally built a building after about 2 years. In addition, he was the Associate DOM for the Atlanta Baptist Association.
When he should have become the next Director of Missions, a powerful Editor of the Christian Index opposed him because he was not a "yes man" to him. To move up required a "political correctness." Still he ministered as best he could and had the undying respect of many of the Atlanta Pastors. Again, he refused to hate and did not give up when the new DOM put terrible pressure to get rid of him.
Here is what I learned:
(1) Those who have integrity sometimes are doomed to public failure.
(2) Those who maintain their integrity are provided by God with a place of service where it counts.
(3) Refusing to hate and leaving vengence to God, saves one from bitterness or ultimate defeat.
(4) Most of the early Saints, as well as Jesus, paid an ultimate price for telling the truth.
(5) Few preachers are willing to stand with integrity when their political future and retirement plans could be part of the sacrifice.
(6) Robert Frost was right when he advocated "The Road Less Taken."
I rejoice in the man of integrity who was my father. He stood in front of a hostile crowd many times at the GBC and in his church to advocate for honesty and a Christlike approach to those the majority wanted to crucify.
He is the most like Christ of any man I have ever known. Even in failure, he maintained his integrity. He refused to participate in ugly politics just to be "successful."
It's too bad men like him are few and far between, but I shall meet him one day in the Land Above for I know he walks with God!!!
Friday, June 18, 2010
June: Wedding Month / Recovery Month
It is almost Father's Day. My wife is asking what I want. I already got it!!!!
The last 2 weeks have seen my 4 grandsons returning to normalcy as well as our daughter! My wife is home this weekend with plans to come home at least two nights a week in the future. Her job of assistant mother / child counselor is showing great results! She is the finest mother / grandmother known to mankind.
Two weeks ago she came home during the week. She returned to find 4 boys glad to have her sleeping on the couch once more. They said as long as she was between the door and them, they could sleep without fear. Nothing had happened, and they knew one night without "Gam" could be had without anything happening. What a compliment to how they took seriously Gam's promise that as long as she was there nothing would happen to them or their mother.
Anyone foolish enough to mess with an old she bear protecting her progeny had better watch out! She is old and has lived her life. She is protective and as much as she cared for her own children, she is even more protective of them when grown with cubs. Never mess with an old she bear!!!
The process from November to the present has tried our nerves and deepened our souls. Like similar trials in the past, this adventure has not been pleasant, but it has affirmed our faith that good and dedicated people will ultimately win.
The boys are acting in a beautiful and normal way. They are no longer easily pursuaded that their mother is evil. When they return home from a visit with their father, they tell us in childlike honesty what went on.
Their Gam has told them they will get the truth from her and their mother, and then they can make up their own minds.
The emotional assaults on Sara do not end. She is getting calls and text messages asking why they can't get together again. Now she clearly states: "You wanted to kill me and my family the night we left. You had a chance to straighten things out and for 2 years you did nothing. It is too late for me to change my mind."
I'm proud of my women: Sara and Lonya. I'm equally proud of the boys and their new normalcy. I hope we move toward the future with good emotions and a determination to conquer whatever challenges life should bring.
No one knows, but we trust God to be our security.
The last 2 weeks have seen my 4 grandsons returning to normalcy as well as our daughter! My wife is home this weekend with plans to come home at least two nights a week in the future. Her job of assistant mother / child counselor is showing great results! She is the finest mother / grandmother known to mankind.
Two weeks ago she came home during the week. She returned to find 4 boys glad to have her sleeping on the couch once more. They said as long as she was between the door and them, they could sleep without fear. Nothing had happened, and they knew one night without "Gam" could be had without anything happening. What a compliment to how they took seriously Gam's promise that as long as she was there nothing would happen to them or their mother.
Anyone foolish enough to mess with an old she bear protecting her progeny had better watch out! She is old and has lived her life. She is protective and as much as she cared for her own children, she is even more protective of them when grown with cubs. Never mess with an old she bear!!!
The process from November to the present has tried our nerves and deepened our souls. Like similar trials in the past, this adventure has not been pleasant, but it has affirmed our faith that good and dedicated people will ultimately win.
The boys are acting in a beautiful and normal way. They are no longer easily pursuaded that their mother is evil. When they return home from a visit with their father, they tell us in childlike honesty what went on.
Their Gam has told them they will get the truth from her and their mother, and then they can make up their own minds.
The emotional assaults on Sara do not end. She is getting calls and text messages asking why they can't get together again. Now she clearly states: "You wanted to kill me and my family the night we left. You had a chance to straighten things out and for 2 years you did nothing. It is too late for me to change my mind."
I'm proud of my women: Sara and Lonya. I'm equally proud of the boys and their new normalcy. I hope we move toward the future with good emotions and a determination to conquer whatever challenges life should bring.
No one knows, but we trust God to be our security.
Friday, February 26, 2010
It Has Been a Month and NOTHING has Happened!
This legal system is interesting. Although my daughter has had Separation Papers drawn up for almost 3 months, they are not yet signed! He is refusing and going back and forth. There have been threats to sue her as an unfit mother. He now has a lawyer and tells him he is ready to sign one day and the next day it is "Hell NO!"
What a bunch of hooey! My daughter is still trapped in "shades of grey" land. She was easy as anyone could be on him in the first Separation Paper. Then he hired his lawyer with his momma in control to show her they were not going down easy. All this translates into a rising bunch of legal fees to the level of some $3,000 more after the initial $1,600 already paid.
There have been several court dates set for the Judge to decree to him what he won't sign. My daughter's lawyer says she might not get what she is asking should the Judge make the decisions. We are of the opinion that "1 lawyer in a town will starve to death--2 lawyers will both get rich!" The worst thing is how this mess is getting on our daughter's nerves.
We are telling her she has hired her lawyer and can tell him what she wants to do. She is planning to tell him they were on the docket earlier this week and he persuaded her not to go. The 2 lawyers could work things out "tomorrow." Tomorrow has come and gone for 3 days now. No agreement has been signed by him. Enough is enough!
We hope by commanding a firm court date with no more backing off, the Judge will give our struggling daughter relief from her emotional anguish. He husband has not come to get the boys at all over some 2 months. The Separation Agreement allows him to have them for a weekend every other week. This situation just keeps our daughter held hostage on weekends because there is no father relief. That's not fair and tells more about his relationship to his boys than anything else. As in the past 12 years since the first child arrived, fathering has been minimal.
Let this serve as a warning that Lawyers promise the moon, deliver dirt, and charge you $200 per hour regardless of what happens. It's all about "billable hours." You are the employer of the Lawyer and he must do what you tell him you want done. If he doesn't, you could sue him for unnecessary billing with no results! Or just refuse to pay for nothing. Either way, it is your money he is using up in what is being done.
With respect to the boys, things get continually better with some set-backs. One day they are angels, but at least once a week the demons come out. With the ever watchful eye of Social Services a good paddling could get you called in. Their take is that you should not use more than your hand on those tough backsides. My take is, until you see real tears in those hateful and self-centered eyes, you have not gotten the message across that you are the parent and they are the child.
We now have a home schooler couple who killed their child following the "Pearl System" of child training and teaching.
http://kerussocharis.blogspot.com/2010/02/when-child-training-leads-to-abuse-and.html
To make it simple, that system advocates beating children with a 1/4" PVC pipe until they bleed, if necessary. Their picture of properly trained children is a little ball of flesh never talking back and always doing exactly what the parent commands. This is crazy! No child comes into this world who is always submissive and obedient. The parent just has to be a little smarter and more patient so as to never descend into the child's world of chaos and manipulation.
For a crazy fundamentalist reason those parents failed to notice they were harming their child with such a beating. This is definitely a place where Social Services is needed. But, because of such craziness, they have decreed "nothing more than the hand." I dare any of them to be a successful parent--especially of a willful child--by using only the hand all the time!
What I am pointing out here is the disconnect of law and social services from the real world of a simple mother who lived with 15 years of abuse and is trying to resolve the distorted world of 4 boys by her side. She needs help in economical ways from her lawyer. She needs a more intelligent approach to child rearing than what is now in place.
Is society helpful or hurtful to those who are in distress these days? Do laws protect and bring justice to the one harmed--or serve as more protection to the criminal than the victim?
We have plenty of laws on the books. Whatever happened to common sense in their enforcement????
What a bunch of hooey! My daughter is still trapped in "shades of grey" land. She was easy as anyone could be on him in the first Separation Paper. Then he hired his lawyer with his momma in control to show her they were not going down easy. All this translates into a rising bunch of legal fees to the level of some $3,000 more after the initial $1,600 already paid.
There have been several court dates set for the Judge to decree to him what he won't sign. My daughter's lawyer says she might not get what she is asking should the Judge make the decisions. We are of the opinion that "1 lawyer in a town will starve to death--2 lawyers will both get rich!" The worst thing is how this mess is getting on our daughter's nerves.
We are telling her she has hired her lawyer and can tell him what she wants to do. She is planning to tell him they were on the docket earlier this week and he persuaded her not to go. The 2 lawyers could work things out "tomorrow." Tomorrow has come and gone for 3 days now. No agreement has been signed by him. Enough is enough!
We hope by commanding a firm court date with no more backing off, the Judge will give our struggling daughter relief from her emotional anguish. He husband has not come to get the boys at all over some 2 months. The Separation Agreement allows him to have them for a weekend every other week. This situation just keeps our daughter held hostage on weekends because there is no father relief. That's not fair and tells more about his relationship to his boys than anything else. As in the past 12 years since the first child arrived, fathering has been minimal.
Let this serve as a warning that Lawyers promise the moon, deliver dirt, and charge you $200 per hour regardless of what happens. It's all about "billable hours." You are the employer of the Lawyer and he must do what you tell him you want done. If he doesn't, you could sue him for unnecessary billing with no results! Or just refuse to pay for nothing. Either way, it is your money he is using up in what is being done.
With respect to the boys, things get continually better with some set-backs. One day they are angels, but at least once a week the demons come out. With the ever watchful eye of Social Services a good paddling could get you called in. Their take is that you should not use more than your hand on those tough backsides. My take is, until you see real tears in those hateful and self-centered eyes, you have not gotten the message across that you are the parent and they are the child.
We now have a home schooler couple who killed their child following the "Pearl System" of child training and teaching.
http://kerussocharis.blogspot.com/2010/02/when-child-training-leads-to-abuse-and.html
To make it simple, that system advocates beating children with a 1/4" PVC pipe until they bleed, if necessary. Their picture of properly trained children is a little ball of flesh never talking back and always doing exactly what the parent commands. This is crazy! No child comes into this world who is always submissive and obedient. The parent just has to be a little smarter and more patient so as to never descend into the child's world of chaos and manipulation.
For a crazy fundamentalist reason those parents failed to notice they were harming their child with such a beating. This is definitely a place where Social Services is needed. But, because of such craziness, they have decreed "nothing more than the hand." I dare any of them to be a successful parent--especially of a willful child--by using only the hand all the time!
What I am pointing out here is the disconnect of law and social services from the real world of a simple mother who lived with 15 years of abuse and is trying to resolve the distorted world of 4 boys by her side. She needs help in economical ways from her lawyer. She needs a more intelligent approach to child rearing than what is now in place.
Is society helpful or hurtful to those who are in distress these days? Do laws protect and bring justice to the one harmed--or serve as more protection to the criminal than the victim?
We have plenty of laws on the books. Whatever happened to common sense in their enforcement????
Monday, January 25, 2010
Things are moving along--slowly!
There is no dramatic news in the last week, except that I miss my wife badly, but she is where she is needed!
My son-in-law has a lawyer now, but that is good. He is getting a clear message from his lawyer about how important it is to go ahead and sign the Separation Agreement and abide by the Protective Order.
The boys have good days and bad ones. When they are on a regular school schedule, things seem to go pretty well. On the weekends it is a constant time of fussing, fighting, and vying for attention.
My wife and daughter are trying their best not to use force on them. Standing in the corner is a pretty good punishment, but it often goes in one ear and out the other. Like typical children with too many computer games and not enough exercise the ecoing house becomes their playground and it had my wife almost in tears of frustration last weekend.
I advised her today to get them a big punching bag or mat and put it out in the garage. They can punch and karate kick to their heart's content witout injuring a brother. Children today are seeing too much violence in their cartoons and programs along with the little game computers--the names of which I can't keep up. They are all expensive and they think each one must have his own or it is an invitation to another fight.
When I was growing up and sharing a room with my brother, we knew to behave and seldom fight. That lesson was taught from early childhood and enforced with a switch if we didn't respect momma and daddy. When 2 more sisters came along we were in a small house, but we still had our chores and knew not to be rambunctuous inside the house. The furniture and beds were not play equipment!
I think a lot of this is too much money and too much personal possession to the point the lesson of sharing with one another never gets taught. It is one of the most important lessons of life! My conflicts with my siblings was good preparation in social skills when I grew up knowing how to be respecful of others.
I hate the "me first" attitude my grandsons have. Our other 2 grandchildren do not have this. Maybe it's because they are a boy and girl, but I think it is mostly from better child rearing practices by their parents.
It is what it is and there is progress so I am grateful. We hope they boys can get by with no more counseling or medication than the schools and Gam can provide. Right now, between work and the emotional distractions our daughter is close to insanity, herself, and could not get along without Lonya's help.
I just miss her badly!
My son-in-law has a lawyer now, but that is good. He is getting a clear message from his lawyer about how important it is to go ahead and sign the Separation Agreement and abide by the Protective Order.
The boys have good days and bad ones. When they are on a regular school schedule, things seem to go pretty well. On the weekends it is a constant time of fussing, fighting, and vying for attention.
My wife and daughter are trying their best not to use force on them. Standing in the corner is a pretty good punishment, but it often goes in one ear and out the other. Like typical children with too many computer games and not enough exercise the ecoing house becomes their playground and it had my wife almost in tears of frustration last weekend.
I advised her today to get them a big punching bag or mat and put it out in the garage. They can punch and karate kick to their heart's content witout injuring a brother. Children today are seeing too much violence in their cartoons and programs along with the little game computers--the names of which I can't keep up. They are all expensive and they think each one must have his own or it is an invitation to another fight.
When I was growing up and sharing a room with my brother, we knew to behave and seldom fight. That lesson was taught from early childhood and enforced with a switch if we didn't respect momma and daddy. When 2 more sisters came along we were in a small house, but we still had our chores and knew not to be rambunctuous inside the house. The furniture and beds were not play equipment!
I think a lot of this is too much money and too much personal possession to the point the lesson of sharing with one another never gets taught. It is one of the most important lessons of life! My conflicts with my siblings was good preparation in social skills when I grew up knowing how to be respecful of others.
I hate the "me first" attitude my grandsons have. Our other 2 grandchildren do not have this. Maybe it's because they are a boy and girl, but I think it is mostly from better child rearing practices by their parents.
It is what it is and there is progress so I am grateful. We hope they boys can get by with no more counseling or medication than the schools and Gam can provide. Right now, between work and the emotional distractions our daughter is close to insanity, herself, and could not get along without Lonya's help.
I just miss her badly!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
It is Wednesday--things are better!
I have just talked with my wife and gotten good news. It is better, but certainly not over.
By "better" I mean he went down to the Sheriff's Department and picked up his Separation Papers. He has stopped the harassing phone calls. He left some G.I. Joe toys for the boys on the front steps. They promptly undressed them and have the "stuff" scattered all over their room. They are seldom asking about daddy, and are showing significant signs of better behaviour and attitude under the consistent management of my wife. He has learned nothing about time and love being more important than things to children.
Our daughter, Sara, is showing signs of knowing when her "brainwash" of the last 15 years kicks in and she is falling under any spell of abuse. She is now mad as Hell and does not even know the exact details of the final papers given him. All she knows is her lawyer promised to give him all the financial burden he could for this mess and he either will sign them, or the Judge will sign the order to have them delivered whether he likes it or not!
"Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned"--and that is good, in my opinion. What should a man pay for 15 years of abuse except when he was on a USCG ship in the early years? She has never had any help caring for the boys so she knows she can handle that. She has just lost a "5th child" with his absence, along with distortion of a male image for those 4 wonderful boys.
The oldest is being taken by his mother this afternoon to get a Valentine something-or-other at the jewelry store. Ah, do we all remember our first love and the flutters associated with it!
My joy as a Pa Pa is seeing the boys separated from a bad example. They are still "boys X 4," but, for me, boys are the most fun! I loved my daughter with all my heart, but my son was my hunting buddy and partner in male crime! I was called "Jerk 1," and he became "Jerk 2" in the eyes of my wife and daughter. That's OK because it just signifies that guys are different and women will never completely understand us any more than we will understand them. It is a great on-going mystery!
It is the stuff of Ricky & Lucy, and, more recently, Tim & Jill of "Tim the tool-man Taylor" fame. It makes for good family entertainment far superior to Rose Ann Barr. It is the stuff of comedy routines, the best of which is Bill Cosby, in my opinion.
As long as we can laugh, we will survive.
We are now starting to chuckle in hopes laughter will come shortly. Already Lonya is laughing more with the boys than fussing---and they are responding well. Time will tell if they need more than the Guidance Counselors at school dealing with them.
Lawyers are expensive though. Sara started with $1,600 for the simple approach. $2,000 has been added to that at this point, but "HE WILL PAY," says her lawyer!
By "better" I mean he went down to the Sheriff's Department and picked up his Separation Papers. He has stopped the harassing phone calls. He left some G.I. Joe toys for the boys on the front steps. They promptly undressed them and have the "stuff" scattered all over their room. They are seldom asking about daddy, and are showing significant signs of better behaviour and attitude under the consistent management of my wife. He has learned nothing about time and love being more important than things to children.
Our daughter, Sara, is showing signs of knowing when her "brainwash" of the last 15 years kicks in and she is falling under any spell of abuse. She is now mad as Hell and does not even know the exact details of the final papers given him. All she knows is her lawyer promised to give him all the financial burden he could for this mess and he either will sign them, or the Judge will sign the order to have them delivered whether he likes it or not!
"Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned"--and that is good, in my opinion. What should a man pay for 15 years of abuse except when he was on a USCG ship in the early years? She has never had any help caring for the boys so she knows she can handle that. She has just lost a "5th child" with his absence, along with distortion of a male image for those 4 wonderful boys.
The oldest is being taken by his mother this afternoon to get a Valentine something-or-other at the jewelry store. Ah, do we all remember our first love and the flutters associated with it!
My joy as a Pa Pa is seeing the boys separated from a bad example. They are still "boys X 4," but, for me, boys are the most fun! I loved my daughter with all my heart, but my son was my hunting buddy and partner in male crime! I was called "Jerk 1," and he became "Jerk 2" in the eyes of my wife and daughter. That's OK because it just signifies that guys are different and women will never completely understand us any more than we will understand them. It is a great on-going mystery!
It is the stuff of Ricky & Lucy, and, more recently, Tim & Jill of "Tim the tool-man Taylor" fame. It makes for good family entertainment far superior to Rose Ann Barr. It is the stuff of comedy routines, the best of which is Bill Cosby, in my opinion.
As long as we can laugh, we will survive.
We are now starting to chuckle in hopes laughter will come shortly. Already Lonya is laughing more with the boys than fussing---and they are responding well. Time will tell if they need more than the Guidance Counselors at school dealing with them.
Lawyers are expensive though. Sara started with $1,600 for the simple approach. $2,000 has been added to that at this point, but "HE WILL PAY," says her lawyer!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Where Is He Now???
Last night was interesting. The Deputies showed up after dark at my daughter's door to check on her. They had just been across the County to attempt service of the Protective Order to the "Bad Boy."
His parents claimed to them he was gone for the weekend. They could not go through the door to search for him. Those parents have already received a letter from my daughter's lawyer with a copy of the order enclosed. It cautions them from uttering derogatory comments about her or her parents.
We think he might be visiting his brother to lay low. His brother lives near Wilmington, a 2.5 hour drive away, but who knows. They have lied before for the bad boy they created in a home of hatred and criticism.
The sight of the Deputies did my daughter a world of good. She feels protected and cared for by our law enforcement. It is rare when officers, without being called and pushed, go ahead and do their job.
I asked my wife if they were the same men who came last week to make sure we left safely. She didn't know. I do know this: Those officers wanted so badly to have a signed and delivered Protective Order that night so they could put him in cuffs and give him what NC law provides for women in an abusive situation. They would not have done what they did, and driven some 20 miles to see my daughter face-to-face, had they not cared for what they do more than just getting a paycheck.
Nash County is blessed with officers who care. When we left under their protection they said, "We have more of these situations right now than you can imagine!"
The tight economy has everyone's nerves on edge. People who are in bad relationships can expect to be the punching bag for spouses who are more concerned about money than love.
How I wish he had been shown and taught love as he grew up. I am convinced he could be a different spouse to my daughter, and father to our grandsons.
His parents claimed to them he was gone for the weekend. They could not go through the door to search for him. Those parents have already received a letter from my daughter's lawyer with a copy of the order enclosed. It cautions them from uttering derogatory comments about her or her parents.
We think he might be visiting his brother to lay low. His brother lives near Wilmington, a 2.5 hour drive away, but who knows. They have lied before for the bad boy they created in a home of hatred and criticism.
The sight of the Deputies did my daughter a world of good. She feels protected and cared for by our law enforcement. It is rare when officers, without being called and pushed, go ahead and do their job.
I asked my wife if they were the same men who came last week to make sure we left safely. She didn't know. I do know this: Those officers wanted so badly to have a signed and delivered Protective Order that night so they could put him in cuffs and give him what NC law provides for women in an abusive situation. They would not have done what they did, and driven some 20 miles to see my daughter face-to-face, had they not cared for what they do more than just getting a paycheck.
Nash County is blessed with officers who care. When we left under their protection they said, "We have more of these situations right now than you can imagine!"
The tight economy has everyone's nerves on edge. People who are in bad relationships can expect to be the punching bag for spouses who are more concerned about money than love.
How I wish he had been shown and taught love as he grew up. I am convinced he could be a different spouse to my daughter, and father to our grandsons.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
It's Thursday and--he got out last night!
I just talked with my wife for an update on things with our daughter. I came home yesterday afternoon to the low temperatures by the Pamlico. We are looking for some snow overnight tonight. B-u-r-r-r-r!
The hospital called my daughter last night to inform her he had checked out--to whom and exactly where, we do not know. Sara had talked with him when he called sometime yesterday. He was chuckling that he had smashed the windshield of my truck and put a couple of good sized dents in it before having it towed. Additionally, he had trashed the inside and scattered papers, notes, and important things all over the floorboard. His only question was: "What did your dad say about his truck?"
There was not one dab of remorse or humanity showing. This tells my daughter the most important thing she needs to know: The man has not changed and checked out far too soon to have any real effect from whatever treatment he might have gotten.
It leads me to conclude that, at this point, we just have a slightly caged beast still trying to show "he is the man." NOT!!!!!
A friend asked Sara yesterday, "Do you want to risk him picking up any or all the boys and driving his car off a cliff to show you can't have them?" Is Sara ever thinking between that question and what he did to my truck.
Her answer is: "HELL NO!" She is just that mad and should be! The locks have been changed on the house. Her Protective Order has not yet been served. A letter has been sent to his parents along with the Order by Sara's lawyer. He should be served today if all goes well. Thereafter, any hostile calls, words, or actions will get him the cuffs and jail cell.
They are all asking why he is focusing his anger so much on me. I know the answer.
It is because I am the male figure in his wife's life who is protecting her and standing up, at long last, to him. If he wants to focus on me, it's OK. In fact, it is welcomed. I can take whatever he should choose to say. I am strong enough to defend myself if the Deputies are not present. He may try to get me, but he will get more than he bargained for. I may be old, but I deal with dangerous trees every day I work, and I always come up with ways to take them down without damage to myself or the customer's property.
Another source of his wrath is the fact every time he has come in and found the children there along with me, they are cuddled around me and being treated with love to which they are responding. Some weeks ago when I was there and the twins, age 5, were too sick to go to school, Sara asked if she should call their dad or would they be OK with Pa Pa. "Pa Pa!!!" was their cry and we had a great day together playing and snuggling. Do they ever need such treatment from a man they can trust. I also encourage some "boy things" Momma and Gam would never allow. God help any boy totally raised and controlled by a women. They don't quite know how to lighten up nor how to get really tough as needed, in my opinion--it's just my "man thang."
Well, we will see what today holds. Lonya will keep me posted and I do have enough fuel this time to make the 1.5 hour trip to my daughter's house, if necessary. Let's hope it will not be.
My job I was to do today has been put off by 2 weeks although I am despirate for any money I can make. The ice storm predicted 5 days ago is quickly degenerating to some light snow overnight tonight and east of I-95. Not exactly a crisis with downed trees everywhere----darn!!!
The hospital called my daughter last night to inform her he had checked out--to whom and exactly where, we do not know. Sara had talked with him when he called sometime yesterday. He was chuckling that he had smashed the windshield of my truck and put a couple of good sized dents in it before having it towed. Additionally, he had trashed the inside and scattered papers, notes, and important things all over the floorboard. His only question was: "What did your dad say about his truck?"
There was not one dab of remorse or humanity showing. This tells my daughter the most important thing she needs to know: The man has not changed and checked out far too soon to have any real effect from whatever treatment he might have gotten.
It leads me to conclude that, at this point, we just have a slightly caged beast still trying to show "he is the man." NOT!!!!!
A friend asked Sara yesterday, "Do you want to risk him picking up any or all the boys and driving his car off a cliff to show you can't have them?" Is Sara ever thinking between that question and what he did to my truck.
Her answer is: "HELL NO!" She is just that mad and should be! The locks have been changed on the house. Her Protective Order has not yet been served. A letter has been sent to his parents along with the Order by Sara's lawyer. He should be served today if all goes well. Thereafter, any hostile calls, words, or actions will get him the cuffs and jail cell.
They are all asking why he is focusing his anger so much on me. I know the answer.
It is because I am the male figure in his wife's life who is protecting her and standing up, at long last, to him. If he wants to focus on me, it's OK. In fact, it is welcomed. I can take whatever he should choose to say. I am strong enough to defend myself if the Deputies are not present. He may try to get me, but he will get more than he bargained for. I may be old, but I deal with dangerous trees every day I work, and I always come up with ways to take them down without damage to myself or the customer's property.
Another source of his wrath is the fact every time he has come in and found the children there along with me, they are cuddled around me and being treated with love to which they are responding. Some weeks ago when I was there and the twins, age 5, were too sick to go to school, Sara asked if she should call their dad or would they be OK with Pa Pa. "Pa Pa!!!" was their cry and we had a great day together playing and snuggling. Do they ever need such treatment from a man they can trust. I also encourage some "boy things" Momma and Gam would never allow. God help any boy totally raised and controlled by a women. They don't quite know how to lighten up nor how to get really tough as needed, in my opinion--it's just my "man thang."
Well, we will see what today holds. Lonya will keep me posted and I do have enough fuel this time to make the 1.5 hour trip to my daughter's house, if necessary. Let's hope it will not be.
My job I was to do today has been put off by 2 weeks although I am despirate for any money I can make. The ice storm predicted 5 days ago is quickly degenerating to some light snow overnight tonight and east of I-95. Not exactly a crisis with downed trees everywhere----darn!!!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It's Friday, But Sunday's Coming!
Tony Compolo is one of the most inspiring preachers around these days. He is brim full of life's experiences and has a capacity for analysis and communication rarely Found among preachers. Some years ago, at Furman University, he spoke and rendered a sermon. You see, he is also the Associate Pastor in a large black church in addition to his duties at Easern University in Philadelphia.
It's Title I borrowed for this post. It is one of the most moving sermons on the Crucifixion and Easter I have ever heard. That title rings throughout as the preacher recounts every event of the Crucifixion from the carrying of the cross to nails, to a crown of thorns, to spear thrust into Jesus' side. The last description is that Jesus died---he then pauses---the audience is so caught up in the chant of "It's Friday" when he said it, we could not help but complete in loud unison: "BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!"
This is how I felt as Sara packed everything, Gam got in the car last, I held the dog, and they pulled off for home. It was Friday, New Year's Day, and Sunday's coming! She is armed with an iron clad Protective Order. The first thing they did after cleaning up more in the house was to put the new locks on every outside door. Now it will take him at least 5 minutes to get in. If he has, by some chance, not been served the Protective Order and cons his way out of the hospital, the Deputies will be there to serve him so that the next time he makes a threatening phone call to any of us or steps on the property he gets cuffs and a jail cell--no if's, and's, or but's!
I just got off the phone to hear what happened with the boys last night. The oldest got invited to a friend's house to sleep overnight. The whole day back at the house was constant turmoil among the boys. Bad behaviour ruled. Finally, it was bed time.
The middle boy had already "hit the ceiling" over his brother leaving. He is his protector and comfort despite the rivalry. Lonya talked with him and decided they would sleep together so he would feel safe. When Sara put the twins down, they were fearful, but she told them all the locks were changed and only she and Gam had the key. Daddy could not get in. They went right to sleep. Jack twisted and turned and dreamed all night, but he did get a night's sleep with Gam by his side. They didn't even finish the wrestling match on TV he dearly loves before falling to sleep.
Sara is taking the boys to school Monday. She has decided to talk with the Principals so they know what the Protective Order reads and they have a copy handy should he make the mistake of showing up at school. He will immediately be arrested and each of our schools now has a Security Officer on campus--it is a sad commentary on what is going on at schools these days. Sara is also going to request the Guidance Counselors have some sessions with each boy. If that does not help we will get them to a good friend who is one of the finest Psychologists in our town. We used to be neighbors so he knows us. We are blessed.
I will get further reports during today and decide whether to go there tonight or tomorrow. I just don't want to miss my GT Yellow Jackets next Tuesday at the Orange Bowl, but that is a secondary concern. There are always replays should I miss it.
My truck he had towed from his house cost my daughter better than $200 down the rat hole. It is at a friend's garage so I can replace the burned out starter. I have a job in the area scheduled for next Thursday. It's not big, but it is a little money because we are down to our last $20 between us and Lonya does not get paid until the end of next week. God has taken care of us using us, a good lawyer, a judge with compassion and common sense, and one of the finest Sheriff's Offices in the state. As the Sheriff said when I called to thank him: "My Deputies make me look good and I am glad to have them."
"It's Friday Night ......BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!"
It's Title I borrowed for this post. It is one of the most moving sermons on the Crucifixion and Easter I have ever heard. That title rings throughout as the preacher recounts every event of the Crucifixion from the carrying of the cross to nails, to a crown of thorns, to spear thrust into Jesus' side. The last description is that Jesus died---he then pauses---the audience is so caught up in the chant of "It's Friday" when he said it, we could not help but complete in loud unison: "BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!"
This is how I felt as Sara packed everything, Gam got in the car last, I held the dog, and they pulled off for home. It was Friday, New Year's Day, and Sunday's coming! She is armed with an iron clad Protective Order. The first thing they did after cleaning up more in the house was to put the new locks on every outside door. Now it will take him at least 5 minutes to get in. If he has, by some chance, not been served the Protective Order and cons his way out of the hospital, the Deputies will be there to serve him so that the next time he makes a threatening phone call to any of us or steps on the property he gets cuffs and a jail cell--no if's, and's, or but's!
I just got off the phone to hear what happened with the boys last night. The oldest got invited to a friend's house to sleep overnight. The whole day back at the house was constant turmoil among the boys. Bad behaviour ruled. Finally, it was bed time.
The middle boy had already "hit the ceiling" over his brother leaving. He is his protector and comfort despite the rivalry. Lonya talked with him and decided they would sleep together so he would feel safe. When Sara put the twins down, they were fearful, but she told them all the locks were changed and only she and Gam had the key. Daddy could not get in. They went right to sleep. Jack twisted and turned and dreamed all night, but he did get a night's sleep with Gam by his side. They didn't even finish the wrestling match on TV he dearly loves before falling to sleep.
Sara is taking the boys to school Monday. She has decided to talk with the Principals so they know what the Protective Order reads and they have a copy handy should he make the mistake of showing up at school. He will immediately be arrested and each of our schools now has a Security Officer on campus--it is a sad commentary on what is going on at schools these days. Sara is also going to request the Guidance Counselors have some sessions with each boy. If that does not help we will get them to a good friend who is one of the finest Psychologists in our town. We used to be neighbors so he knows us. We are blessed.
I will get further reports during today and decide whether to go there tonight or tomorrow. I just don't want to miss my GT Yellow Jackets next Tuesday at the Orange Bowl, but that is a secondary concern. There are always replays should I miss it.
My truck he had towed from his house cost my daughter better than $200 down the rat hole. It is at a friend's garage so I can replace the burned out starter. I have a job in the area scheduled for next Thursday. It's not big, but it is a little money because we are down to our last $20 between us and Lonya does not get paid until the end of next week. God has taken care of us using us, a good lawyer, a judge with compassion and common sense, and one of the finest Sheriff's Offices in the state. As the Sheriff said when I called to thank him: "My Deputies make me look good and I am glad to have them."
"It's Friday Night ......BUT SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!"
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Since Christmas--ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE!!!
This has been a horrible week for my daughter!
We were there for Christmas to insure safety and protection--he was there to haunt and threaten.
Monday afternoon he came stomping in and commanded we leave for a while so he could be with his sons. It was about 2:00 when we left with commands from him that we not return until 5:00. My wife called our daughter and she planned to be home about 5:00 as well.
We came home and started fixing supper. He showed up in a rage. My daughter called the Nash County Sheriff's Department dispatcher while standing outside. He raged at my wife inside the house so loud you could hear him outside. She was not moving an inch!
Shortly 3 Deputies raced up without lights or sirens and they yelled at him not to go inside the house. He went on in and "hit the ceiling" with raging inside. The officers stood close by. They were a calming effect for us--a source of rage for him. Shortly he was 2" from my face raging at me to the point the officers stepped forward with one snapping the Taser in addition to the others telling him to control it or he would be arrested. Everyone but him kept their cool.
He went back around into the den telling them to just shoot him and get it over! Then he hit the floor so hard it shook the house and began to beat his head, fists, and feet on the floor like a 5 year old. Finally they escorted him outside while we threw a few things together, turned off the stove on supper, and gave the boys a little to eat.
Within 30 minutes his car returned and raced across the yard leaving deep tracks. There he was raging from outside the car with its headlights shining on the front door. My daughter was calling her lawyer for advice. I was calling the Deputies back. They were there in about 5 minutes.
My daughter's lawyer was advising her to stay in the house lest she be accused of abandoning it and he could say he owned it. She was to the point I have never seen a woman--dazed and confused, trying to think, screaming at anyone trying to comfort or give advice. Finally she collapsed into my wife's arms and sobbed on her shoulders.
We left the house after the Deputy looked my daughter in the eye and said, "For your own safety, just leave and go somewhere safe. We will vouch that you left this house for your safety and did not abandon it."
My daughter heard that kind officer clearly. When none of us could convince her she should leave along with the boys and us, his words penetrated the confusion.
We exited with him sitting in his car as the (5 now) Deputies stood around his car. As the boys left he was saying, "Bye, boys, I love you." They did not know what to make of it all. They were all in tears and so were we. After going to the hospital parking lot where my wife works, we met again and decided the Bayview Cottage 1.5 hours away was a better place--and the dog could be there too. My daughter was driving so fast down the 4-lane with her children that I got in front and slowed down so we would not get a ticket. We were safer, but we were not yet to safety of the cottage. There, if he followed us, he would be trespassing if he set his foot on my property. We have an equally efficient Sheriff's Department where we live.
The next day our daughter had to go back to her work as Manager of a big store. It was "exchange and return items" time at the store.
Within a few hours our daughter was calling: he had baracaided himself in the house and his parents had had him taken by the Deputies to our local Emergency Room where they quickly transferred him to one of our State Mental Hospitals. The parents wanted our daughter to meet with them and decide what to do. According to them, he had "destroyed" the inside of the house, broken several bones in his hands, and was found sitting on the couch with a knife by his side and a 5 gallon gas can by his side.
My daughter decided, wisely, not to meet with them. She had been unable to do anything with him for 15 years. They had had him for 20+ years and created this monster who does not know how to love--starting with himself. It was their turn to deal with it alone and not blame her for what happened.
Again, my daughter was in emotional turmoil. She had a court time for a Judge to decide on a protective order and possible immediate divorce with no right for her husband except to pay in a timely fashion what was decided for alimony, child support, and what to do with a "destroyed" house.
At 3:00 my daughter, accompanied by 4 friends and Deputy, went to the house. Fortunately they did not find much more damage than had already been done to slammed, broken, and fist beaten doors. So, if he had broken fingers and was bleeding, as described by the parents, why was there no blood everywhere? There was no gas can or knife left behind. Was it another momma-made-up story or what? A later phone call from parents to my daughter got the confession from them that they had moved evidence and put the knife and gas can back where they belonged. Were they lying about him being committed?
A phone call to the hospital and Sheriff's Office gave her assurance he was behind locked doors at the mental facility and hour's drive away. Would he con doctors and nurses to get out again? He had committed himself a few weeks ago and was out in 3 days with supposed medication and an appointment to come in for further discussions with a Doctor.
My daughter is taking no more chances. The Judge has signed the protective order which will be served to him at the hospital with plenty of Staff around should he choose to go crazy again. No parents will be there to tell it otherwise. It will be in the hands of each teacher for each boy at school. It will be in the hands of after school providers. Already the Deputies have proven they can be to the place of trouble, and none is more than 5 minutes from a Sheriff's car and several very dedicated and trained officers.
They begged her to get everything leagal, because in Nash County we take protection and peacemaking of citizens very seriously! Thanks to all who have helped my daughter in recent days: good Lawyer / Deputies / Judge / and, I hope, good parents.
We were there for Christmas to insure safety and protection--he was there to haunt and threaten.
Monday afternoon he came stomping in and commanded we leave for a while so he could be with his sons. It was about 2:00 when we left with commands from him that we not return until 5:00. My wife called our daughter and she planned to be home about 5:00 as well.
We came home and started fixing supper. He showed up in a rage. My daughter called the Nash County Sheriff's Department dispatcher while standing outside. He raged at my wife inside the house so loud you could hear him outside. She was not moving an inch!
Shortly 3 Deputies raced up without lights or sirens and they yelled at him not to go inside the house. He went on in and "hit the ceiling" with raging inside. The officers stood close by. They were a calming effect for us--a source of rage for him. Shortly he was 2" from my face raging at me to the point the officers stepped forward with one snapping the Taser in addition to the others telling him to control it or he would be arrested. Everyone but him kept their cool.
He went back around into the den telling them to just shoot him and get it over! Then he hit the floor so hard it shook the house and began to beat his head, fists, and feet on the floor like a 5 year old. Finally they escorted him outside while we threw a few things together, turned off the stove on supper, and gave the boys a little to eat.
Within 30 minutes his car returned and raced across the yard leaving deep tracks. There he was raging from outside the car with its headlights shining on the front door. My daughter was calling her lawyer for advice. I was calling the Deputies back. They were there in about 5 minutes.
My daughter's lawyer was advising her to stay in the house lest she be accused of abandoning it and he could say he owned it. She was to the point I have never seen a woman--dazed and confused, trying to think, screaming at anyone trying to comfort or give advice. Finally she collapsed into my wife's arms and sobbed on her shoulders.
We left the house after the Deputy looked my daughter in the eye and said, "For your own safety, just leave and go somewhere safe. We will vouch that you left this house for your safety and did not abandon it."
My daughter heard that kind officer clearly. When none of us could convince her she should leave along with the boys and us, his words penetrated the confusion.
We exited with him sitting in his car as the (5 now) Deputies stood around his car. As the boys left he was saying, "Bye, boys, I love you." They did not know what to make of it all. They were all in tears and so were we. After going to the hospital parking lot where my wife works, we met again and decided the Bayview Cottage 1.5 hours away was a better place--and the dog could be there too. My daughter was driving so fast down the 4-lane with her children that I got in front and slowed down so we would not get a ticket. We were safer, but we were not yet to safety of the cottage. There, if he followed us, he would be trespassing if he set his foot on my property. We have an equally efficient Sheriff's Department where we live.
The next day our daughter had to go back to her work as Manager of a big store. It was "exchange and return items" time at the store.
Within a few hours our daughter was calling: he had baracaided himself in the house and his parents had had him taken by the Deputies to our local Emergency Room where they quickly transferred him to one of our State Mental Hospitals. The parents wanted our daughter to meet with them and decide what to do. According to them, he had "destroyed" the inside of the house, broken several bones in his hands, and was found sitting on the couch with a knife by his side and a 5 gallon gas can by his side.
My daughter decided, wisely, not to meet with them. She had been unable to do anything with him for 15 years. They had had him for 20+ years and created this monster who does not know how to love--starting with himself. It was their turn to deal with it alone and not blame her for what happened.
Again, my daughter was in emotional turmoil. She had a court time for a Judge to decide on a protective order and possible immediate divorce with no right for her husband except to pay in a timely fashion what was decided for alimony, child support, and what to do with a "destroyed" house.
At 3:00 my daughter, accompanied by 4 friends and Deputy, went to the house. Fortunately they did not find much more damage than had already been done to slammed, broken, and fist beaten doors. So, if he had broken fingers and was bleeding, as described by the parents, why was there no blood everywhere? There was no gas can or knife left behind. Was it another momma-made-up story or what? A later phone call from parents to my daughter got the confession from them that they had moved evidence and put the knife and gas can back where they belonged. Were they lying about him being committed?
A phone call to the hospital and Sheriff's Office gave her assurance he was behind locked doors at the mental facility and hour's drive away. Would he con doctors and nurses to get out again? He had committed himself a few weeks ago and was out in 3 days with supposed medication and an appointment to come in for further discussions with a Doctor.
My daughter is taking no more chances. The Judge has signed the protective order which will be served to him at the hospital with plenty of Staff around should he choose to go crazy again. No parents will be there to tell it otherwise. It will be in the hands of each teacher for each boy at school. It will be in the hands of after school providers. Already the Deputies have proven they can be to the place of trouble, and none is more than 5 minutes from a Sheriff's car and several very dedicated and trained officers.
They begged her to get everything leagal, because in Nash County we take protection and peacemaking of citizens very seriously! Thanks to all who have helped my daughter in recent days: good Lawyer / Deputies / Judge / and, I hope, good parents.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Christmas Day at Daughter's house
I am back home enjoying a lovely, sunny, warmer day at Bayview Cottage. I got home in time to feed the dogs and see what new bills I can't pay had arrived. At least there were no hidden surprises!
As I rode home last night by myself I reflected on what had taken place from Christmas Eve to the time I left about 5:00.
Christmas Eve:
Daddy arrived to bring all kinds of toys and try to, once again, bribe his boys and wife. The boys were thrilled. My daughter was further turned off. He had thought he would lure her to the marital bed once more. Lonya and I had already blown up the air mattress beside our daughter's bed. That should have been a first sign that the room was off limits. Shortly after we retired early our daughter came in. Fully clothed she hit the sack with a huff and sigh of relief--she had made it through Christmas Eve and left him putting out Santa and deciding where he would sleep.
The Separation Papers were in Wednesday and he had insisted in coming over to review them with her. He left in a huff saying he would sign nothing. Sara told us he had done just what she expected, but she figured he would come around. All things not initiated by him get a huffy retort first. After blowing off, he usually did what she wanted him to do. We will see.
Next, before daybreak, was the running and squealing excitement of the 5 year old twins. We went to the den to find more things than any 5 children might get if only there were one. In this case about $2,000 worth of "stuff" was all over the den and quickly opened. He had left to get batteries--you would think after all these years, this man would learn how important batteries are, but he learns nothing!
Soon most of the presents were opened. After a struggle with all those things Oriental, we were, once again, reminded of how the Oriental toy makers are getting even with American parents these days--the Atom bomb with all its "fail safes" has no more steps to launch than any parent does to unwrap, un-twisted tie, remove holding screws to packages, put in batteries so that an excited child can finally use that 1 toy brought by Santa. Oh My God, there were only 10 more for each grandson to agitate over.
As the boys were playing, one of the twins ran over and grabbed the middle child's toy. Old Jack launched his attack and put the little guy to the floor sliding about 5' while Daddy did nothing. I hollered, "Woah!" and Daddy launched his anger at me: "Don't you EVER YELL AT ONE OF MY BOYS!!!!!!" All suddenly fell silent as he glared at me.
I simply walked to the edge of the kitchen and said, "Sorry about that, bud."
At the same time Lonya gave him her "laser cutting steel with flaming green eyes" look. God help the soul of anyone getting "THAT LOOK!" She didn't let it drop for one second as he made his way to the door to leave in a huff. On the way out he told my daughter he was angry and was sorry he said what he did. The gutless wonder should have said it to me, but does not have enough manhood to look the one he wronged in the eye--ever.
"That's OK," I assured my wife. "I would rather he took it out on me than any of the children, their mother, or you. I could tell by his look and sauntering ways that someone was going to get it sooner of later. Heck, a tree could really kill me and words are nothing--especially out of him." The agonies of Christmas day were over and he would have the privilege of taking 4 sugar candy / cookie (yeah, we let them eat all they wanted) boys to his mother's house. He didn't even have the guts to come back and pick them up--momma came instead--claiming his medicine had kicked in and he wasn't feeling so well.
My God, his momma is ugly these days! I watched her from the carport as I smoked my pipe. I had cracked a blind so I could take a good look at the pickup. Actually, she has cut her gray hair short for the last year. She always has a mean expression on her face and her nose is sharp and pointy to a fault. If they ever remake the "Wizard of Oz" they can hire her as the Wicked Witch of the West. All they have to do is give her a pointy hat, broom, and coat of green spray dye to make the character come to life. Unfortunately, my son-in-law has lived with her all his life--hence his lack of love for himself. It was hard for my daughter not to yell out the door: "Good luck with his boys carrying out his attitude with sugar hyped energy!"
He has an official diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. This is our latest PC way of describing people who are mean and explosive after appearing to be somewhat nice: if you were a SOB 20 years ago, you are now Bipolar!!! Doesn't that sound nice.
Over all, our few days together were more nice than naughty. The boys are noticeably more well-behaved. Now we only hear about 2 obscene words a day rather than 2 per hour! Also a brother fight breaks out about once a day instead of every hour. We are making progress!
Only thing needed now is a signature on that Separation Document, properly notarized, and--as her lawyer says--she will be in charge (wicked grin on lawyer's face)!!!
As I rode home last night by myself I reflected on what had taken place from Christmas Eve to the time I left about 5:00.
Christmas Eve:
Daddy arrived to bring all kinds of toys and try to, once again, bribe his boys and wife. The boys were thrilled. My daughter was further turned off. He had thought he would lure her to the marital bed once more. Lonya and I had already blown up the air mattress beside our daughter's bed. That should have been a first sign that the room was off limits. Shortly after we retired early our daughter came in. Fully clothed she hit the sack with a huff and sigh of relief--she had made it through Christmas Eve and left him putting out Santa and deciding where he would sleep.
The Separation Papers were in Wednesday and he had insisted in coming over to review them with her. He left in a huff saying he would sign nothing. Sara told us he had done just what she expected, but she figured he would come around. All things not initiated by him get a huffy retort first. After blowing off, he usually did what she wanted him to do. We will see.
Next, before daybreak, was the running and squealing excitement of the 5 year old twins. We went to the den to find more things than any 5 children might get if only there were one. In this case about $2,000 worth of "stuff" was all over the den and quickly opened. He had left to get batteries--you would think after all these years, this man would learn how important batteries are, but he learns nothing!
Soon most of the presents were opened. After a struggle with all those things Oriental, we were, once again, reminded of how the Oriental toy makers are getting even with American parents these days--the Atom bomb with all its "fail safes" has no more steps to launch than any parent does to unwrap, un-twisted tie, remove holding screws to packages, put in batteries so that an excited child can finally use that 1 toy brought by Santa. Oh My God, there were only 10 more for each grandson to agitate over.
As the boys were playing, one of the twins ran over and grabbed the middle child's toy. Old Jack launched his attack and put the little guy to the floor sliding about 5' while Daddy did nothing. I hollered, "Woah!" and Daddy launched his anger at me: "Don't you EVER YELL AT ONE OF MY BOYS!!!!!!" All suddenly fell silent as he glared at me.
I simply walked to the edge of the kitchen and said, "Sorry about that, bud."
At the same time Lonya gave him her "laser cutting steel with flaming green eyes" look. God help the soul of anyone getting "THAT LOOK!" She didn't let it drop for one second as he made his way to the door to leave in a huff. On the way out he told my daughter he was angry and was sorry he said what he did. The gutless wonder should have said it to me, but does not have enough manhood to look the one he wronged in the eye--ever.
"That's OK," I assured my wife. "I would rather he took it out on me than any of the children, their mother, or you. I could tell by his look and sauntering ways that someone was going to get it sooner of later. Heck, a tree could really kill me and words are nothing--especially out of him." The agonies of Christmas day were over and he would have the privilege of taking 4 sugar candy / cookie (yeah, we let them eat all they wanted) boys to his mother's house. He didn't even have the guts to come back and pick them up--momma came instead--claiming his medicine had kicked in and he wasn't feeling so well.
My God, his momma is ugly these days! I watched her from the carport as I smoked my pipe. I had cracked a blind so I could take a good look at the pickup. Actually, she has cut her gray hair short for the last year. She always has a mean expression on her face and her nose is sharp and pointy to a fault. If they ever remake the "Wizard of Oz" they can hire her as the Wicked Witch of the West. All they have to do is give her a pointy hat, broom, and coat of green spray dye to make the character come to life. Unfortunately, my son-in-law has lived with her all his life--hence his lack of love for himself. It was hard for my daughter not to yell out the door: "Good luck with his boys carrying out his attitude with sugar hyped energy!"
He has an official diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. This is our latest PC way of describing people who are mean and explosive after appearing to be somewhat nice: if you were a SOB 20 years ago, you are now Bipolar!!! Doesn't that sound nice.
Over all, our few days together were more nice than naughty. The boys are noticeably more well-behaved. Now we only hear about 2 obscene words a day rather than 2 per hour! Also a brother fight breaks out about once a day instead of every hour. We are making progress!
Only thing needed now is a signature on that Separation Document, properly notarized, and--as her lawyer says--she will be in charge (wicked grin on lawyer's face)!!!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
What IS Christmas all about???
It is hard to find anything new to say about Christmas---BUT, this old time story tells it all--especially in hard economic times:
This is what Christmas is all about...
Better bundle up - the goose bumps will freeze you!! I think I need to read this every year at Christmas.
Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities. But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving.
It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas. We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible.
After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't get the Bible, instead he bundled up again and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn't worry about it long though, I was too busy wallowing in self-pity. Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what..
Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled unless we were going to haul a big load. Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said. "Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high side boards on.
After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood - the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all Fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?" You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what?
Yeah," I said, "Why?"
"I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt." That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait. When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his r ight shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. "What's in the little sack?" I asked. Shoes, they're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."
We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern.
We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said, "Who is it?" "Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son, Matt, could we come in for a bit?"
Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.
"We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children - sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn't come out.
"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and as much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak.
My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd never known before, filled my soul. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.
I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us."
In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.
Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes.
Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.
At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away.
Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, May the Lord bless you, I know for certain that He will." Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that,but on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do. Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand."
I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children.
For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life.
This is what Christmas is all about...
Better bundle up - the goose bumps will freeze you!! I think I need to read this every year at Christmas.
Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities. But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving.
It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas. We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible.
After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't get the Bible, instead he bundled up again and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn't worry about it long though, I was too busy wallowing in self-pity. Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what..
Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled unless we were going to haul a big load. Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said. "Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high side boards on.
After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood - the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all Fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?" You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what?
Yeah," I said, "Why?"
"I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt." That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait. When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his r ight shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. "What's in the little sack?" I asked. Shoes, they're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."
We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern.
We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said, "Who is it?" "Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son, Matt, could we come in for a bit?"
Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.
"We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children - sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn't come out.
"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and as much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak.
My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd never known before, filled my soul. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.
I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us."
In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.
Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes.
Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.
At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away.
Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, May the Lord bless you, I know for certain that He will." Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that,but on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do. Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand."
I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children.
For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life.
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