They are publicly derided. Movies like "Midnight in The Garden of Good and Evil," a reality based Savannah story, tell it like it is. The prominent wealthy businessman who mixes with the high and mighty has a secret! My own Senior Minister ended up at Charleston in similar circumstances. Rocky Mount, NC, where I work is the same story. We even had a former Director of Mission picked up at the riverside park--cops say he was a part / he claims it was a mistake. Who really knows anything other than we have Preachers and churches yelling---while some are raging to cover up their inner demons!
Can you imagine a greater Hell on earth than to have to pretend something you are not because family is so arrogant and judgmental you dare not be honest with them? As more and more children are raised by mother because daddy refused to do his part of parenting, we will have more and more. Every boy needs a role model. It is best if it is dad. However, good relatives can help, and should, if daddy is not doing the job.
Those who have read about my daughter and boys know I will have to now be a "father figure." It is no problem for me because I had a father who was the best. I knew from day 1 he loved me. My earliest childhood memories are of him coming in, smelling of hospital, to kiss me and make sure I was ready for sleep. He was tired. He could have gone to his home office, but, instead, he came to my little bed to kiss me on the cheek. My saddest day so far in this life was when he went to "higher ground."
He had liver cancer which had come from a missed colon cancer. Despite him complaining for months of mid-section pain, it was attributed to gall stones. By the time they did exploratory surgery, it was too late and there is nothing yet to stop liver cancer. Instead of taking treatments that would make life hell, daddy wisely decided to love his family, enjoy what he had left, and "go gently into the night." He did!! He had only about 2 weeks of serious discomfort, which is a miracle in itself. He had been faithful to his family and God in his ministry and God took royal care of him in a, sometimes, awful and painful kind of cancer. Amazingly, it was at Easter!
I am who I am as a man partly because I knew a man's man in my father. I was born with normal brain and glands which developed to maturity in a normal fashion. I went from the "girl-haters" club to the stupid adolescent club drooling over what miracle happened to the girls between grade 6 and grade 7. I was fortunate. Many young males are not, especially in the last 30 years .
Please read below an article I was given permission to print from one of the finest sex educators in Canada, Sue Johanson (2005) these days:
Homosexuality: Did you know that most people, male and female, have some homosexual (same sex) fantasies?
This is common and does not indicate you are homosexual. It is a fantasy, safe and harmless. Most females simply accept their fantasies, but males, who may be homophobic, react with fear or get into "gay bashing" to prove they are "hetero". Females are generally more comfortable with homosexuality.
Homosexuality just "is".
Being homosexual is NOT a choice. Guys, think back - at what stage of your life did you consciously decide, "Well I think I will like girls?" You didn't. You just knew, you got horny just thinking about the opposite sex - it was not a choice, you just knew. There is NO cure for homosexuality because it is not a disease and most homosexuals do not want to be "cured". They simply want what everybody else wants, the THREE BIG "A's" - Acceptance, Approval and Appreciation.
Current research indicates that people are born homosexual. Parents may deny it, try to control kids behavior, their choice of toys or friends. Kids at about age 7 know they are different; by age 10, they are aware that they fantasize about people of the same sex; by age 14, although most are not ready to "come out of the closet", they are aware that they are homosexual. Gay males like females as "best friends" and straight females really enjoy socializing with gay males. This does not go over well with straight Macho males.
Lesbians may identify as homosexual at a young age, but many, many more get into heterosexual relationships, maybe have kids, and then accept that they are lesbian at a later age.
Here's some typical MYTHS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY:
Gay males are promiscuous.
Gay males have a higher than normal sex drive. HIV/AIDS is a Gay disease.
Gay males assault little boys.
If a male has a same sex experience, he must be Gay.
Lesbians just have not found the right man.
Lesbians are "butch".
No, some are very feminine and call themselves "lipstick dykes".
Females who socialize with Gay males are "Fag Hags".
Most religions regard homosexuality as a sin. Here's a great book I recommend for anyone having trouble dealing with homosexuality - "IS IT A CHOICE?" by Eric Marcus. You can check our book list on this site for many other books dealing with the topic.
Randy, who granted permission for my use of this article further says this, " Frankly, it's a pretty scant article and you could find far better if you
looked around. Try the PFLAG site."
Should anyone have a child come home this year and say, "I need to talk about something serious with you." I encourage you as a parent to listen and love as you never have before. It is the most important gift, the gift of acceptance, that you can give this year!
God bless you all as I go to be with my wife, daughter, and grandsons this afternoon for a Christmas without abuse lurking in the corner of the room!
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